Just Like Esme
Chapter One - Dying
I was dying.
Everyday, I felt the pull of death. There was nothing left for me in this life, only Edward, and he was gone. Jacob tried to help. He tried as hard as he possibly could to give me the space I needed. He thought I would get over him. There was no moving on. There was only existing left in my world. I was broken, and I was beyond repair. I had anticipated a future full of twilights, and I clung to the memories of those twilights with my lost love like a life preserver. The memories couldn't sustain me any longer. Jacob was my own personal sun. He kept me warm, but the warmth felt foreign, wrong. I longed for the cool feel of stone, the unbreakable arms that once wrapped themselves around me.
I shivered against the cool breeze that shifted the air on the top of the cliff. Looking over the edge I watched as the water below seemed to transform before my eyes. The storm was rolling in and the water thrashed angrily, waiting to consume me with greed.
Just like Esme.
Esme stood in my place, right before her human life ended. I learned that the mother figure of the Cullen family had lost the one she loved, the one she could not imagine going on without, her tiny baby. I never thought to ask her if she had named him, that tiny baby that died. I knew Esme would understand, if they ever found out about me. Esme would realize immediately, even if I could pass my actions off to the others as a simple accident. Accidents happened all the time to humans, especially to me. I hoped I would not hurt her with her own haunting memories. She has her family now, the one she would have rather died than live without. Esme would understand.
It was like Edward had died for me. He had been gone for months, all of them. Even Alice left without a word. Alice had waltzed into my life more gracefully than Edward, as though she knew she was meant to be there. I knew now she had known, but did she also see how it would end? The greatest betrayal, but I could not feel anything but love for the family that I lost.
Esme lost her tiny baby, I lost my family.
It would kill Charlie, Renee…..Jacob. But Jacob complicated things. He wanted me to forget about Edward, he didn't understand that remembering was all I had. Even now I heard his sweet voice, begging me to leave this place. To be safe.
One broken promise deserves another. I felt my lips curl into a bitter smile. He asked me to be safe, but also promised it would be as if he never existed. He broke his promise before the words had a chance to leave his lips. I couldn't forget. I would rather die than forget. He was forgiven, but I could never forget.
I left a note for Charlie back at home, he would get it when he returned from work. I told him I was cliff diving with Jacob, it was a reasonable excuse, the La Push kids did it all the time. Charlie thought I was on the mend, thanks to Jacob. I could never tell him, but I hated his knowing eyes, his dreams of having Jacob as a son in law, someone who would bring me back to life. Yes, he would believe I was with my new friends, the werewolves. Never mind they were so much stronger than I was, there was no danger for them up here on this cliff. As for me…I did not plan on resurfacing. I hoped that my human family would not know my truest intentions. Edward forever changed me, there was no going back. It was not his fault; he did not ask to be loved by a crazy human. He could not help it, he apparently liked his distractions, and I amused him for a year…more time than I deserved to have with a being like him. I would die fulfilled, just knowing that I knew him, even for a moment in time.
I looked down at the small scar on my hand. The scar reflected the sunlight, just like Edward's skin. Another reminder of him, not that it was needed. James was the first danger I discovered in this crazy world. I took it willingly. I would take a thousand more bites from James if it would bring Edward back.
I contemplated, after he left, trying to find the Denali clan in Alaska. But Edward didn't want me, and what good would immortality be if he did not want me? At least as a human I could choose to bow out before then end of my song.
I took a deep breath. I was dying, and finally now I had a choice. With Edward, he took the choice away from me, and I didn't blame him. I could never blame him. He took the choice of happiness away from me, so now I choose release.
I wondered briefly if Alice would see this. I hoped not. I hoped that being out of sight would have kept me out of her mind. Maybe Jasper would be her distraction, like the ones Edward wanted to chase. Alice had Jasper for the rest of her immortal life. Alice was sure of her future, and now I was sure of mine.
There was nothing left for me here, standing on top of the windy cliff. I watched the waves crash against the rocks below, encouraging me to join them. There was nothing left.
"Goodbye, Edward. I love you."
And then I jumped.
A/N
My first Twilight fan fic I have been writing Harry Potter fics for years, but I had to try my hand at Twilight. This story will not be as long as my normal ones, but this isn't a one-shot. I am a lover of angst, but also happy endings. I'll leave it at that, and I do love reviews!