Disclaimer: I wish I owned JAG and everything that entails, but since I
don't....well you know – I'll just dream a little!
In the Still of the Night When Dreams Come
CHAPTER 1 – The Stuff Dreams are Made Of ************ Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment Georgetown Thursday, March 11th 0447 Local Time
Mac sighed as she rolled over. Her arm stretched across the bed to the empty spot next to her. She expected warmth. In her dream, it hadn't been empty, but moments before been filled with a man whose relationship existed only in her in her sleep. There he could live and fulfill every waking dream she'd ever had. How she longed to feel the warmth of his body next to hers. To feel his protection and love. To feel safe and content. It was something she had only dreamed about. Lately she had resigned herself to the fact that often her career and her ambition got in the way of the part of her life she desparately wanted . The anticipation was great, she desired nothing more than to wake up next to that man that lived in her dreams. That man she had seen every day at the office for eight years. That man who held his very emotions captive from those he loved. In these eight years she had often dared to dream that her love would be revealed and returned, but in these past eight years they had remained nothing more than that... a life that lived in her dreams.
Well best get on with it she thought as she again sighed, looking at the clock. 0515, near the end of yet another week. The weeks had become long an monotonous, broken only by her occasional stolen glance, and idle daydream of the one she longed for. As she pulled on her sweats and running shoes Mac made a mental list of her week. Court, client meetings, various appointments, and the mountain of paperwork that seemed to constantly plague her desk. It was no wonder that her social life was practically nonexistant.
The morning was cool and quiet, broken only by the sound of her footfalls on the pavement. It wasn't long before she found her rhythm. Her pace just enough to push her to the limits. The loop was ten miles. As her mind wandered she thought of the life she had before her.
I'm a Colonel in the Marine Corps, and a senior attorney at the JAG headquarters. By all definitions of the word, I am successful. Why is it that I desire more to my life. I have a good job, and comfortable shoes, but where is the "man" part of my plan?. I know who I want, the only problem seems to be that his attentions are diverted elsewhere, perhaps on getting his career back on track. Our relationship since his return has been tempestous at best. He has often been abrupt, even a little curt with me. He had deeply changed since Paraguay, and his stint in the CIA. I can see it in his eyes. They are tired. Troubled. And as always just behind them I encounter that impenatrable wall. How could I explain to him that it meant the world to me that he would do something as serious as resigning his commission to take a personally financed trip halfway around the world, where he didn't speak the language to rescue me? How many other men have done that for me? How many had even come close? How can I say thank you? It doesn't seem like enough. My emotions for him run deep, but if I know one thing, Harm is not one to articulate emotions very well. I've been so afraind that he would see right through me, that I had to protect myself. It's all I can do to control myself, and keep from bursting out with how I truly feel. Sturgis knows, that's scary enough. What if he and Harm are feeling relaxed after a few drinks and the subject happens to come up? How is it that I've come to feel that by revealing myself to him that I've somehow lost something? It's not like I'm revealing plans for Operation Enduring Freedom or something? Telling him how I feel is a move that would scare him away for sure. Or would it? Damn! It's one of those catch twenty-twos... You never really know until you try, but in trying you may destroy what little you have going for you. Can I realistically and honestly believe that the the two of us can let our guards down long enough to let our feelings come flooding out? Can we even have it happen at the same time? Now more than ever it seemed virtually impossible.
For Mac, the Friday night pizza nights, and working dinners ceased to be enough. She longed for the closeness a real relationship could bring. Was it so wrong for her to desire that? She was a woman. One her biological clock reminded her that wasn't getting any younger. Yes, she had given it a lot of thought. Harmon Rabb Jr. was exactly the type of man she wanted to father her children.
************ Harmon Rabb Jr.'s Apartment North of Union Station, DC Thursday, March 11th 0557 Local Time
Across town Harm rolled over with a groan. "Hmph!". Since Paraguay and his time in the CIA, his subconscious mind had rarely allowed him to sleep past six. Even on Saturdays! He had found that it was best to get up and be productive, because if he allowed himself to be willed back to sleep, the nightmares would haunt him. Most of the time he went for a long run. Sometimes he worked on cases he brought home the night before. Others he would sit and let his mind idly wander to what might have been in Mac hadn't taken the assignment in Paraguay. The nightmares had gotten worse lately. It was almost as if some sort of unfinished business was tormenting him. Other than allowing a known terrorist get away with the knowledge that he wants to kill you, what else could be keeping him up at night? He had thought of seeing a psychiatrist, but that reminded him too much of Jordan. He didn't really want to talk anyway. What good had talking done in the past. Mac certainly shut him down in Paraguay. It always came down to the same thing, he would stop himself just before he got to the really deep, dark stuff. It was too personal.
He pushed himself off the bed and headed over to the dresser. Pulling out his running clothes, he thought, well this usually helps, no reason why today wouldn't be any different. As he ran he let his mind wander.
What has my life become? Since returning from Paraguay I worked for the CIA, got fired; worked for Mattie, and quit, before finally returning to JAG. My homecoming? Well that was less than I expected. What did I did I honestly believe was going to happen? Did I really expect to be welcomed back with open arms? Well Bud and Harriet had been overjoyed at my return of course. Sturgis, well he has been in a funk for a long time now. And Mac... oh and Mac. What can I say. She seemed so standoffish. Was she even a little grateful for what I had done? I risked my career not to mention my life, for what? So she could get together with Webb? I mean come on! When had Webb run an Op that had actually come off as planned? He should have planned for all sorts of contingencies... but no. He almost got her killed. And how does she repaying him almost killing her? She kisses him and the next thing you know they're an item! Then when we had 'the talk' she bitterly told me that it was 'physically and emotionally impossible'. How so? We both apparently want to be on top. Maybe she's right. It still doesn't change my feelings for her. Feelings that I can never seem to express when it counts.
It all came out in one cathartic thought... one after another, after another... From topic to topic. "Geez! No wonder I can't sleep."
************ JAG Headquarters, Falls Church, VA Same Day 1737 Local Time
"Hey Mac, you want to get some dinner?" Startled, Mac looked up from the brief she had been reading. She had been so engrossed that she hadn't hear him come into her office.
I didn't even hear him come in. "I'm sorry. What?" she asked
"I asked if you wanted to get some dinner. It's getting late. I'm getting hungry so I know you must be starving." Harm chuckled. She can be so predictable sometimes.
"Umm sure... I've had enough of this brief. I'm going cross-eyed. What did you have in mind?"
"How about the Le Saveur?" "Hmmm.... Sounds nice. Are we dressed appropriately?"
"I have a change of clothes, and it's near your appartment so you can change and then meet me there."
This sounds like a date. Wouldn't that be a rather decisive move for Mr. Indecisive? "What time do you want to meet?"
"We have reservations for 1930," he said as he flashed her his best flyboy smile.
How did he know that I would say yes? "You sure seem to have this all planned out don't you?"
More than you will ever know. "Well I had a little down time between client meetings this afternoon and I thought that dinner with another person would be nice for a change."
Hmmm. Maybe not a date, but more a pity invitation. Or maybe he's just tired of eating alone. That's what I'll prefer to think.
"Le Saveur, at 1930 it is." she said grabbing her coat.
He smiled. This was just the beginning of a new improved Harmon Rabb Jr.
"Don't be late," she tossed back over her shoulder.
"When have I ever been late?" he retorted just as the elevator doors closed, and smiled. I'm sure she had all the times neatly catagorized in that cute brain of hers.
If she heard she didn't respond, she was taking a mental inventory of her closet trying to decide the perfect thing to wear.
************ Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment Georgetown Same Day 1812 Local Time
Where is that black dress? Oh that's right I took it to the cleaners earlier this week. Damn! It should have been ready to pick up if I had gotten there before they closed. What else do I have to wear? Hmmm this should work well. She smiled as she pulled out the mocha brown dress. It was one of her favorites, but one she rarely had the occasion to wear. Obviously not appropriate for the office where uniforms abound, but too dressy for the normal social occasion. She smiled at herself in the mirror. The dress clung to all the important curves on her body. It was just low cut enough to entice someone, but not so low as to leave nothing to the imagination. I'd better get a move on or else I'll be late. Who am I kidding, I can be a few minutes late – he's ALWAYS late.
In the Still of the Night When Dreams Come
CHAPTER 1 – The Stuff Dreams are Made Of ************ Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment Georgetown Thursday, March 11th 0447 Local Time
Mac sighed as she rolled over. Her arm stretched across the bed to the empty spot next to her. She expected warmth. In her dream, it hadn't been empty, but moments before been filled with a man whose relationship existed only in her in her sleep. There he could live and fulfill every waking dream she'd ever had. How she longed to feel the warmth of his body next to hers. To feel his protection and love. To feel safe and content. It was something she had only dreamed about. Lately she had resigned herself to the fact that often her career and her ambition got in the way of the part of her life she desparately wanted . The anticipation was great, she desired nothing more than to wake up next to that man that lived in her dreams. That man she had seen every day at the office for eight years. That man who held his very emotions captive from those he loved. In these eight years she had often dared to dream that her love would be revealed and returned, but in these past eight years they had remained nothing more than that... a life that lived in her dreams.
Well best get on with it she thought as she again sighed, looking at the clock. 0515, near the end of yet another week. The weeks had become long an monotonous, broken only by her occasional stolen glance, and idle daydream of the one she longed for. As she pulled on her sweats and running shoes Mac made a mental list of her week. Court, client meetings, various appointments, and the mountain of paperwork that seemed to constantly plague her desk. It was no wonder that her social life was practically nonexistant.
The morning was cool and quiet, broken only by the sound of her footfalls on the pavement. It wasn't long before she found her rhythm. Her pace just enough to push her to the limits. The loop was ten miles. As her mind wandered she thought of the life she had before her.
I'm a Colonel in the Marine Corps, and a senior attorney at the JAG headquarters. By all definitions of the word, I am successful. Why is it that I desire more to my life. I have a good job, and comfortable shoes, but where is the "man" part of my plan?. I know who I want, the only problem seems to be that his attentions are diverted elsewhere, perhaps on getting his career back on track. Our relationship since his return has been tempestous at best. He has often been abrupt, even a little curt with me. He had deeply changed since Paraguay, and his stint in the CIA. I can see it in his eyes. They are tired. Troubled. And as always just behind them I encounter that impenatrable wall. How could I explain to him that it meant the world to me that he would do something as serious as resigning his commission to take a personally financed trip halfway around the world, where he didn't speak the language to rescue me? How many other men have done that for me? How many had even come close? How can I say thank you? It doesn't seem like enough. My emotions for him run deep, but if I know one thing, Harm is not one to articulate emotions very well. I've been so afraind that he would see right through me, that I had to protect myself. It's all I can do to control myself, and keep from bursting out with how I truly feel. Sturgis knows, that's scary enough. What if he and Harm are feeling relaxed after a few drinks and the subject happens to come up? How is it that I've come to feel that by revealing myself to him that I've somehow lost something? It's not like I'm revealing plans for Operation Enduring Freedom or something? Telling him how I feel is a move that would scare him away for sure. Or would it? Damn! It's one of those catch twenty-twos... You never really know until you try, but in trying you may destroy what little you have going for you. Can I realistically and honestly believe that the the two of us can let our guards down long enough to let our feelings come flooding out? Can we even have it happen at the same time? Now more than ever it seemed virtually impossible.
For Mac, the Friday night pizza nights, and working dinners ceased to be enough. She longed for the closeness a real relationship could bring. Was it so wrong for her to desire that? She was a woman. One her biological clock reminded her that wasn't getting any younger. Yes, she had given it a lot of thought. Harmon Rabb Jr. was exactly the type of man she wanted to father her children.
************ Harmon Rabb Jr.'s Apartment North of Union Station, DC Thursday, March 11th 0557 Local Time
Across town Harm rolled over with a groan. "Hmph!". Since Paraguay and his time in the CIA, his subconscious mind had rarely allowed him to sleep past six. Even on Saturdays! He had found that it was best to get up and be productive, because if he allowed himself to be willed back to sleep, the nightmares would haunt him. Most of the time he went for a long run. Sometimes he worked on cases he brought home the night before. Others he would sit and let his mind idly wander to what might have been in Mac hadn't taken the assignment in Paraguay. The nightmares had gotten worse lately. It was almost as if some sort of unfinished business was tormenting him. Other than allowing a known terrorist get away with the knowledge that he wants to kill you, what else could be keeping him up at night? He had thought of seeing a psychiatrist, but that reminded him too much of Jordan. He didn't really want to talk anyway. What good had talking done in the past. Mac certainly shut him down in Paraguay. It always came down to the same thing, he would stop himself just before he got to the really deep, dark stuff. It was too personal.
He pushed himself off the bed and headed over to the dresser. Pulling out his running clothes, he thought, well this usually helps, no reason why today wouldn't be any different. As he ran he let his mind wander.
What has my life become? Since returning from Paraguay I worked for the CIA, got fired; worked for Mattie, and quit, before finally returning to JAG. My homecoming? Well that was less than I expected. What did I did I honestly believe was going to happen? Did I really expect to be welcomed back with open arms? Well Bud and Harriet had been overjoyed at my return of course. Sturgis, well he has been in a funk for a long time now. And Mac... oh and Mac. What can I say. She seemed so standoffish. Was she even a little grateful for what I had done? I risked my career not to mention my life, for what? So she could get together with Webb? I mean come on! When had Webb run an Op that had actually come off as planned? He should have planned for all sorts of contingencies... but no. He almost got her killed. And how does she repaying him almost killing her? She kisses him and the next thing you know they're an item! Then when we had 'the talk' she bitterly told me that it was 'physically and emotionally impossible'. How so? We both apparently want to be on top. Maybe she's right. It still doesn't change my feelings for her. Feelings that I can never seem to express when it counts.
It all came out in one cathartic thought... one after another, after another... From topic to topic. "Geez! No wonder I can't sleep."
************ JAG Headquarters, Falls Church, VA Same Day 1737 Local Time
"Hey Mac, you want to get some dinner?" Startled, Mac looked up from the brief she had been reading. She had been so engrossed that she hadn't hear him come into her office.
I didn't even hear him come in. "I'm sorry. What?" she asked
"I asked if you wanted to get some dinner. It's getting late. I'm getting hungry so I know you must be starving." Harm chuckled. She can be so predictable sometimes.
"Umm sure... I've had enough of this brief. I'm going cross-eyed. What did you have in mind?"
"How about the Le Saveur?" "Hmmm.... Sounds nice. Are we dressed appropriately?"
"I have a change of clothes, and it's near your appartment so you can change and then meet me there."
This sounds like a date. Wouldn't that be a rather decisive move for Mr. Indecisive? "What time do you want to meet?"
"We have reservations for 1930," he said as he flashed her his best flyboy smile.
How did he know that I would say yes? "You sure seem to have this all planned out don't you?"
More than you will ever know. "Well I had a little down time between client meetings this afternoon and I thought that dinner with another person would be nice for a change."
Hmmm. Maybe not a date, but more a pity invitation. Or maybe he's just tired of eating alone. That's what I'll prefer to think.
"Le Saveur, at 1930 it is." she said grabbing her coat.
He smiled. This was just the beginning of a new improved Harmon Rabb Jr.
"Don't be late," she tossed back over her shoulder.
"When have I ever been late?" he retorted just as the elevator doors closed, and smiled. I'm sure she had all the times neatly catagorized in that cute brain of hers.
If she heard she didn't respond, she was taking a mental inventory of her closet trying to decide the perfect thing to wear.
************ Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment Georgetown Same Day 1812 Local Time
Where is that black dress? Oh that's right I took it to the cleaners earlier this week. Damn! It should have been ready to pick up if I had gotten there before they closed. What else do I have to wear? Hmmm this should work well. She smiled as she pulled out the mocha brown dress. It was one of her favorites, but one she rarely had the occasion to wear. Obviously not appropriate for the office where uniforms abound, but too dressy for the normal social occasion. She smiled at herself in the mirror. The dress clung to all the important curves on her body. It was just low cut enough to entice someone, but not so low as to leave nothing to the imagination. I'd better get a move on or else I'll be late. Who am I kidding, I can be a few minutes late – he's ALWAYS late.