A/N: This is a random fic I wrote for my friend's challenge a while ago. Utter nonsense, but I hope it makes you laugh.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or settings, only the plot.
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"Harry! What are you doing?" A furious Hermione woke up after an ice-cold bucket of water was dumped on her head.
"Well, you fell asleep on the couch, and I thought I'd wake you up so you wouldn't be late for class," Harry frowned.
"YOU COULD'VE WOKEN ME UP THE NORMAL WAY!" Hermione screamed.
"Wha's going on?" A sleepy Ginny walked downstairs into the common room after hearing Hermione's yelling.
"Your brilliant boyfriend dumped water on my head!"
Ginny snorted.
"It's not funny! I'm going to go take a shower," Hermione hissed.
"She already had a shower," Ginny giggled.
"I HEARD THAT!" Hermione roared.
"I don't think she figured out that it's 3am yet," Harry whispered.
"UGH!"
"I think she knows now!" Ginny said, hysterical with laughter.
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7 am
Seamus Finnegan walked downstairs into the common room, sat down on the couch in front of the fireplace and waited. Today was the day he would finally tell Hermione about his feelings for her.
Hermione woke up again, this time in her own four-poster bed. She sat up, stretched and yawned, put on her slippers and robe and headed to take a shower.
When she got out, she put on her casual weekend clothes, which today consisted of dark denim skinny jeans, a light blue tank top, and sneakers. The outfit was her personal favorite, as it accentuated her small frame. She put on some lip gloss and eyeliner, used a straightening spell on her hair, and went downstairs.
As soon as she walked downstairs, Seamus jumped to his feet.
"G'mornin Hermione. 'ow are you?"
She caught him staring at her, and he blushed.
"Pretty good, and you?"
"Great."
She waved goodbye to him before joining Harry, Ginny and Neville going down to the Great Hall for breakfast.
"Wait Hermione!" Seamus called out as she was stepping through the portrait.
She turned toward him with a questioning look on her face.
"Er, I was wondering, uh, willyougotohogsmeadewithmetoday?" He muttered.
"What was that?" Hermione asked.
"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me today?" Seeing the surprised look on her face, he added, "Well, it's okay if you don't want to, I mean, I was just wondering, but it would be nice if you would…" he rambled.
Hermione beamed. "Of course I'll go with you Seamus, I'd love to! I haven't been on a date in…well…a while," she thought of the unmentionable redhead that was her ex-boyfriend years ago.
Seamus turned red when she said 'date'.
"Alright. I'll meet you at Honeydukes?" he said.
"Sounds good."
Hermione went down to breakfast feeling happier than she had in a long time.
That feeling ended, however, when she got down to breakfast and realized that she was going on a date.
She quickly pulled out parchment and wrote her good friend Sirius a letter.
Ten minutes later, an owl gave her a letter in response.
Dear Hermione,
I'm very happy for you. I don't have much advice to give you, just be yourself and don't try to hard to impress him because he obviously already likes you.
Owl me if you need anything else.
Sirius
P.S. Molly says that red looks great on you.
'Note to self: Thank Mrs. Weasley!' Hermione thought.
She went right to Hogsmeade after breakfast, hoping to find an outfit to wear. She walked into the Three Broomsticks an hour later, victoriously carrying the dress she had found in a small bag along with shoes that matched perfectly. She walked over and sat down next to the fireplace to try to rest for a moment or so, and she was surprised, to say the least, when Sirius Black appeared next to her.
Hermione shrieked.
"Hello to you too," he laughed.
"You scared me half to death," she responded.
"I can only be here for a few minutes. Listen carefully, whatever you do, don't use the corn-holder the waiter gives you in the restaurant."
"Why can't I use--"Hermione tried to question this, but Sirius cut her off.
"It's for your own good. Oh, and you have to ignore the stain on his shirt, or else you'll be in danger."
"Whose shirt? What kind of danger?" she asked, but Sirius merely waved her off.
"I've got to go. Remember what I said, and good luck on the date." With that, he apparated away.
"Whatever. Oh no, I've got to get ready!" Hermione squealed.
She ran to the changing stall in the clothes shop she got the dress at and put on the dress. She styled her hair, put on more lipgloss, and changed into her new shoes. By the time she was ready, it was time to meet Seamus, and she was extremely nervous. 'What if I mess this up? It'll be the last date I'll ever go on!' Hermione thought.
He was already there when she arrived at Honeydukes.
'She looks stunning,' Seamus thought.
"You look…great," he stuttered.
"Thanks," Hermione smiled. "You do too."
Hermione was wearing a bold, red dress. It had a tube top which was fitted and a flowy skirt, cut asymmetrically to show off her legs. She had simple black pumps on her feet, and her hair was curled into thick ringlets which fell on her shoulders. Her sideswept fringe fell delicately into her eyes.
Seamus, however, was wearing a plain black suit. He had a red tie and a white shirt underneath the jacket, and his shaggy hair was slicked back.
After exploring the candy store for a bit, Seamus offered to take her to her favorite restaurant in Hogsmeade. She accepted.
He pulled her chair out for her. She thanked him and sat down. He took his own seat, then a waiter came over to take their order. He was wearing a blue uniform, and the shirt had a rather large red stain on the sleeve facing Hermione.
"May I take your order?" The man spoke with a heavy French accent.
"Yes, I'll have the steak with sides of carrots and corn," Seamus decided.
"I'll have the same, please," Hermione said.
'Don't say anything about the stain,' her brain was focused on repeating this mantra. 'Don't say anything about the stain.'
"Did you notice the stain on his shirt?" Seamus observed.
"No, I didn't," Hermione responded, then tried to change the subject.
"How was the Quidditch match yesterday?" she asked.
"Oh, it was great. Ginny scored twice and I scored four times. I hope they give us those little corn-holders!" Seamus exclaimed.
"No!" Hermione practically yelled, then composed herself when Seamus gave her an odd look.
"I mean, I don't like eating corn on the cob. I prefer it better when it's cut off the cob."
Seamus nodded in understanding.
Just then their food was served.
"Here you are miss. Steak with corn on the cob and baby carrots," said a waiter, a different one than the first. This one had a drawling voice that seemed almost familiar. He had chin-length black hair that seemed greasy and stringy. Then she realized who it was.
"Professor Snape?" she asked hysterically.
"Miss Granger, please keep your voice down," he whispered. "You need to listen to me," he glanced at Seamus, who was having a heated argument about his meal, "Do not use that corn-holder. It is cursed with dark magic."
"Okay…why are you telling me this?" she wondered.
"Can't tell you. Enjoy your meal," he said louder, giving the other waiter his cue to leave.
"What was that about?" Seamus questioned.
"Nothing, he just wanted to tell me something about the essay that was due last week," Hermione replied.
Seamus looked skeptical, but didn't ask anything else as he started his meal.
"That was delicious!" Hermione stated happily.
"It sure was," responded Seamus.
"Let's head back to the castle. It's starting to get late."
They walked into the Gryffindor common room after being harassed by Malfoy.
"I had a great night," Hermione said.
"Thanks for taking me out."
She gave Seamus a soft peck on the lips, then headed upstairs.
"Hermione… I like you with a strong passion. Will you be my girlfriend?" he asked hesitantly.
"Yes, I would like that!" she replied.
He grinned, then said goodnight to his girlfriend.
Hermione changed into her pajamas, then promptly fell asleep.
Her dreams were quite pleasant, until they were interrupted by a flashback of a certain obnoxious ferret.
Flashback:
As they were walking up to the common room, they were approached by a certain Slytherin they despised.
"What do you want, Malfoy?" Seamus said impatiently.
"Your Mudblood girlfriend to come back to my room, I've been quite lonely without someone else in it," Draco sneered.
Seamus then proceeded to beat the daylight out of Malfoy.
Hermione simply stood and watched, furious that Malfoy had dared to speak about her like that, but knowing she didn't want Seamus to get in trouble, she said, "Seamus, that's enough for now." And with that he escorted her back to Gryffindor tower.
Then the dream changed.
Malfoy slowly followed Hermione up to the common room, listened to her say the password, then waited for silence. When he got the chance, he repeated the password to get into the common room, then went up to what he knew was the girls' dormitory. He saw, to his delight, that Hermione, along with the other girls, was sound asleep. He slipped into her bed, and waited.
Hermione shot up out of bed, her yelling waking up the other girls in the room.
"Hermione, what's wrong?" asked a groggy Lavender.
"Nothing, I had a bad dream about Malfoy following me up here and getting in my bed," the other girls snickered at this, "Sorry to wake you all," Hermione apologized.
"It's alright," they replied.
Hermione woke up the next morning, dressed, and went down the stairs. She was delighted to see her boyfriend waiting for her on the couch.
"Good morning sweetie," she said as she snuggled next to him on the chair.
"How did you sleep, dear?" he asked her.
"Quite terribly. I had a rather scary dream about ferret boy following me up to my bed."
Seamus looked disturbed at this.
He hugged Hermione.
"It's okay, it was just a dream," he assured her.
"I know. But still, it was so realistic."
They headed down to the Great Hall hand in hand.
Malfoy headed downstairs from the girls' dorm after he knew everyone was gone and scampered out of the Gryffindor tower.
At breakfast, everything was chaotic. Students were running around screaming, and teachers were chasing after them with corn-holders.
"Hermione, we need to get out of here, or we'll--" Seamus was stabbed in the neck by a corn-holder and instantly died.
"NOOOO!" Hermione screamed. She pulled the corn-holder out of Seamus' neck and stuck it in herself.
"I can't live without you," were her last words, and she fell on top of Seamus.
"My plan was a success!" Draco said ecstatically, watching from outside the Great Hall as Seamus was killed. "Now I can have Hermione for myself!" He watched her pull the corn-holder out of her nonliving boyfriend and poke herself with it.
"NO!" Draco screamed, grabbing that same corn-holder and killing himself with it.
THE END