A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds nor the song, "Cheers, Darlin'" by the wonderful and crazy talented Damien Rice. This is my first songfic, I hope you enjoy it! :)
Cheers, Darlin'
"Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover boy
Cheers darlin'
I got years to wait around for you
Cheers darlin'
I've got your wedding bells in my ear
Cheers darlin'
You give me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away"
Another shot. And another. Anything to get the buzz in my head. Anything to distract… distract me from the blonde that keeps reappearing in my head. I shake my head as I drink another. What's another shot when everything's already gone to shit?
I bit my own tongue, reminding myself I'm still alive. Alive, but not exactly living. Because she's out there being happy, and her so-called happy life doesn't include me. She's With him. Loving him. Playing house with him. He's touching her in ways I've desired since I first saw her.
Another shot. To drown the feelings that I once could control. I know I shouldn't have let this go as long as I did, but I tried to end it the moment she said, "I do." I couldn't help but imagine myself there with her instead of him. Holding her hand, kissing her mouth, dancing, drifting in the night touching— Another shot.
"And I die when you mention his name
And I lied, I should have kissed you
When we were running in the rain"
I can't get it out of my head. Seeing her in his arms. Seeing him touch her. Another. It doesn't even burn anymore.
All the regrets were playing over and over. Replaying in a way that was taunting. I was haunted by all the moments I could have changed things. I was haunted by the 'almosts' and the 'maybes.' I should have kissed her that day. And the day after that. And the day after-
Another shot.
"What am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy {girl} you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?"
I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to calm myself down. I couldn't concentrate. All I heard was her voice. Another shot.
I wanted her to see me like I looked now. I wanted her to see how damaged I was without her. I wanted to know if I made her feel the same. I wanted to know if she felt just as empty as I did when I wasn't with her.
Could she love me the way I love her? Or would that have ruined her? I tend to do that. Ruin things. And another shot.
"Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover man
Cheers darlin'
I just hang around and eat from a can
Cheers darlin'
I got a ribbon of green on my guitar
Cheers darlin'
I got a beauty queen
To sit not very far from me"
Everything was upside down, and I felt disgusting. Here, drinking in my own sorrow. While she's wi- another shot.
And then I saw someone who I thought looked like her. I don't know why she was smiling at me, but she was. I smiled back, only because she reminded me of- another shot.
"I die when he comes around
To take you home
I'm too shy
I should have kissed you when we were alone"
I looked away, not wanting any more reminders of the girl I really wanted near. But she left today with him. And never looked back to see me watching her go. I blamed her for ending our non-existing relationship. When I know it was me all along. Another shot.
"What am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy {girl} you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?"
The girl came over and sat on the stool beside me. She raised her eyebrows mischievously, and I couldn't help but laugh. She didn't know who I was. I'm glad, I'd know we'd never last. She took another shot with me, trying to prove her worth. But she never had to- her blonde hair was enough for me.
Oh what am I? What am I darlin'?
I got years to wait…
I took a cab with the girl to her apartment. I slept with her. Only I pretended she was someone else. I pretended she was a different blonde. My blonde. My JJ.
I'd wait forever if I'd have to- to be with the real one.
I know it was a bit of a bummer, but I love this song and the fic I wrote along with it! Thanks for reading, all! Reviews are welcome and appreciated! XX