Title: I Walk Alone
Author: MsRaven
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Up to The Siege, Part 2
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis and its characters do not belong to me
Summary: Yes...another fic inspired by a song - or parts of a song. Weir-Sheppard because, duh, I wrote it. John's thoughts during the last few scenes of the "The Siege". You really should watch that before reading this.
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone. I walk alone.
I walk alone. I walk alone.
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
-Green Day, Boulevard of Broken Dreams
"So long Rodney."
John leaps up from the chair without thinking. There's never really much thinking involved when he's placed in these situations. He reacts on instinct. Doing what needs to get done. He's always felt that he worked best as a lone wolf, a maverick.
Leading a team, even a small one, through the Stargate still freaks him out a little. But him alone against an unknown number of Genii - no big deal.
It's not that he doesn't believe in the value of a team, he just has difficulty working within the confines of one. His record, both off and on Atlantis, is riddled with examples of this small quirk in his personality.
He runs into the control room in time to hear Elizabeth tell Col. Everett that they may need to evacuate. He's probably the only person on Atlantis that can hear the sound of defeat behind the veil of determination in her voice.
"Elizabeth, wait!"
He climbs a few steps before turning back to face her. Elizabeth's eyes widen when she sees him on the stairs, but there's no question in her eyes as to what he's doing.
"You can't."
He realizes that she's been dreading this since he first pitched his idea. He steels himself against the sudden pang in his chest as he looks at her. This may be the last time he'll ever see Elizabeth.
"I have to, and you know it."
"John..."
Elizabeth shakes her head slightly and he watches as several emotions play over her beautiful face. Her lips move as if she wants to say something more, but can't. His breathing is labored and he isn't sure if it's from the run to the control room or the vice around his heart.
Relief washes over him as resignation finally settles on her features. He doesn't think he could fight her if she asked him not to go.
"Go."
She says the word so softly that he almost doesn't hear it. But it's the sadness in her voice that gives him pause. With the clarity of a man facing death, he knows in that instant that Elizabeth loves him. Maybe as just a friend or maybe more. Either way, the sense of loss is almost overwhelming. Because he loves her too.
He nods, acknowledging in a small way, this new truth between them.
He runs up the rest of the stairs. Running into the Jumper bay, past a stunned Dr. Zelenka, and into the Jumper. Running away from the image of Elizabeth standing in the control room. Running away from the despair he saw in her eyes.
He listens over the radio as Elizabeth tells Everett that the jumper is on its way. He imagines he can hear tears in her voice. Then it's Zelenka telling her he's taken the jumper. He feels the fear in her voice as she yells for Teyla. No response. He wonders if should stop listening. If he should turn off the radio. But he can't make himself cut his last link to Atlantis. That time will come soon enough.
"Hopefully if I take this one out, the other one will back off."
God, he hopes he's right. Please let this work.
Through Elizabeth's radio, he hears Beckett and McKay come into the control room.
"We can't stay here, Elizabeth."
"He's right. They're beaming in all over the place."
John holds his breath, waiting for Elizabeth to respond. He isn't sure which answer he's hoping for most.
"We're not going anywhere. Not yet."
The Jumper breaks through the atmosphere and he switches on the cloaking device.
"You know, if this works, someone may have to do it again."
His weak attempt at a warning. There may not be time to get another jumper in the air. If it works or if it doesn't, Atlantis is still in danger.
"Understood."
Translation, she's not leaving. He hears McKay challenge her about letting him fly the jumper. He hears them start the self destruct, the tell-tale chiming.
He thinks he should scream at her to leave. To yell at McKay and Beckett to drag her with them to the Alpha site. He's afraid she'll go, but is sure she won't.
"They haven't detected my approach. The weapon is armed and ready. I'm going in."
He may be flying into certain death, but this time, he wasn't alone.
-The End-