Bigger Than Us
Chapter 1: Everything she ever wanted
Disclaimer: I dont own anything but the plot.
A/n: Ok so the song isn't mine, its Miley Cyrus's brill song Bottom of the Ocean. Please enjoy the story, and please review because it's really comforting to know how people are finding your work, and i need to know what you think should happen as the story progresses, on with the story!!
Love lillysarewhite xxx
Mitchie Hewer looked around her, what she had always wanted in life, she got, she had worldwide fame and people knew her when she walked down the street.
The only thing she still wished she had though, the one thing she would give it all up for, was for her one love, the one person who knew her better than she knew herself Shane Gray
"Mitchie, your up"
She looked around, sighing she grabbed the mic and headed on stage
"Please welcome our very special guest the second successful act to come out of camp rock, 18 year old Mitchie"
The crowds went wild as she stepped on stage, they knew about her every move, they knew she had been with Shane, they knew about their very public break up, though both had described it as "amicable" , they even knew her every set of trademark boots that she owned.
"It's been in the past for a while
I get a flash and I smile
Am I crazy
Still miss you, baby"
She looked out to the crowds, still searching after three months, three months they had been apart, and she still looked for him every time she went on stage, every time she went to a show she searched for him, she wanted him, even though he had hurt her, even though he had let her down in the worst possible way, she still loved him
She had no idea why she still searched, in her heart she knew that he wouldn't be there, but living on the hope that he could be there seemed somehow to be enough for her
The song she had written, every song she had written lately come to think of it, had been about him, she hoped that he would notice, but obviously he hadn't or he didn't care
"It was real
It was right
But it burned too hot to survive
All that's left is,
All these ashes"
She had thought that he was different, that he changed, but he was still the same, only there for himself. He always had been, she didn't even know if she believed him when he said that he loved her.
Sometimes she wanted to believe him, she really did, but for the sake of it, and for her career she knew that she couldn't Shane Gray was bad news end of.
"Where does the love go
I don't know
When it's all set and done
How could I be losing you forever,
After all the time we spent together
I have to know why I had to lose you"
She looked into the crowd again, though not searching for him, just looking at all of the couples that were there, listening to her sing, the look of hope in their eyes, hope that she hadn't seen in a while.
She wanted to tell them that real love didn't exist.
That amazing love, the love that they shared where you can't go one single day without seeing each other, feeling each other. She wanted to tell them that it didnt exist that what they were feeling wasn't love it was lust, raw senseless lust.
"Now you've just become like everything
I'll never find again
At the bottom of the ocean"
She remembered the first time he said that he loved her, it was in front of everybody at the reunion party they had for all of the camp rockers. Somehow she had bought it.
Now, however when she looked at it there were a lot of people there that went back to newspapers, a lot of people took pictures. Shane Gray was only ever out for himself, for his career.
She knew that now, just it was too late, she got her heart broken.
"In a dream, you appear
For a while, you were here
So I keep sleeping,
Just to keep you with me
I'll draw a map,
Connect the dots
With all the memories that I got
What I'm missing,
I'll keep reliving"
She remembered the first time they kissed, it was right after Camp Rock let out.
-Flashback-
"Hey" she smiled as he walked past her
"Hey" he said not knowing what he should say back
"So.." she started not knowing what she should say
"Yeah" Shane answered, feeling like an idiot
"Any-em-plans for the summer" Mitchie asked trying to say more than 'yeah'
"Well our tour is coming up that should be good , we sold out three venues, Milwaukee, Utah and New York"
"I've always wanted to go to New York" Mitchie answered wistfully
"You've never been" Shane said, shocked
"MM MM" she answered shaking her head
"Why"
"Never got the chance"
"You should come its awesome" he said looking into her amazing brown eyes
"Yeah, well its too expensive for a ticket, i cant afford it"
"Its only 200 for a plane ticket"
"The way you say it might as well be a million dollars, my parents cant afford it" she said, in a disappointed tone
"Then come to our show"
"Again, we arise with the money issue" she said, putting her guitar in the car
"What if i could get them for you"
"They're sold out" she answered, had he forgotten, he was the one who was performing
"Yeah, but not the VIP ones" he answered, dangling a pass
Mitchie grabbed the pass "You have one"
Shane smiled at her, she always knew how to make him laugh.
"Yeah, are you forgetting something"
Mitchies mouth formed an o shape "Yeah forgot, the whole worldwide fame thing"
Shane nodded
"I can't take it" she answered, shaking her head
"Yeah you can" he said putting it around her neck
"I can't" she said, taking off the pass
"Can" he said, putting the pass back on, brushing off her neck, sending shivers up his spine
"Can't" she whispered, feeling his breath come dangerously close
Shane nodded one last time, before closing the gap between them, pressing his lips to hers, feeling the most wonderful tingling sensation ever. Letting her hands roam through his hair, she allowed her tongue to his mouth, tongues intertwined fighting a losing battle, feeling the most wonderful sensation ever. She knew that there was no going back now, she knew that this was it.
Finally they parted, knowing that they were no longer the dreaded "just friends"
"You have to come to New York" he said, giving her a tender smile
She nodded smiling "You know i will"
He smiled kissing her cheek and taking her hand
And it was love or so she thought from then on
-End Flashback-
That was one of the few memories that she still treasured because it was one of the few times that Shane was ever genuine with her, with nobody around, it was the first time she truly felt loved.
"Where does the love go,
I don't know
When it's all set and done
How could I be losing you forever,
After all the time we spent together"
She knew that she still had feelings for him, she knew she always was, he was her first love, even if she wasn't his.
Her friends had all warned her, they had all told her that Shane Gray was bad news, even Nate had told her, but she just wouldn't listen. She was in love and that was all that had mattered
She had left her friends behind, including those that had done nothing but support her, just because they had told her the truth
"I have to know why I had to lose you
Now you've just become like everything
I'll never find again,
At the bottom of the ocean"
She remembered when she told him she had gotten a record deal, he seemed happy to the public eye. After all he could do without any scandal, but behind closed doors, he didn't seem at all happy
This was all she had ever wanted and he was jealous, not of the fact that she had gotten a record deal, not of the fact that she was the second singing success from camp rock, it was of all the male attention that she would get.
He knew that she was a good looking girl, and she remembered how he had agreed to be happy for her. But in the end, it got too much for him, she remembered exactly how he had put it "choose me or the music"
And even though she had chosen the music, somehow she knew that she would give it all up if he asked her to again. Just because she knew what life was like without him, it had become unbearable.
Even if he was a jackass 99 percent of the time.
"This is it
Let go
Breathe"
She sung at the top of her lungs, letting the world know that she was here. She knew that Shane would never come back no matter what the situation, she knew that she would never love another person so completly as she loved him, she would always compare her boyfriends to him, she would only ever remember the good times they had and never the bad and she knew that none of them would ever last.
She might have been young but, she knew that she had gotten her heart broken
"You don't have to love me for me
To baby ever understand
Just know I love the time we both had
And I don't ever want to see you sad
Be happy"
She knew that he would be watching her from wherever he was, but she knew too that he wouldn't pick up on the fact that she had written it about their time together
She had no choice but to forget about him, she wanted to kiss him one last time, make love to him once more, even fight with him once more just to know that she was able to spend more time with him.
She wanted to be strong and stay away from him, she knew if she met him again, all the bad times would fade away, and she'd only remember the good times. Normally she was strong, but around him she was weak.
But she knew if he wouldn't change then she couldn't do anything about it,she would be the bigger person
"And I don't wanna hold you
If you don't wanna tell me you love me babe
Just know I'm gonna have to walk away
I'll be big enough for both of us to say
Be happy"
As she sang out the last few lines, she could see people in the audience welling up, as if they knew what she had been through, as if they personally experienced her first kiss with him, the first fight, the last fight, her first time and all the drama in between.
She wanted to tell them that they had no idea, when they walked down the street she was sick of them saying "Poor Mitchie Hewer", "I heard she's going out with Nate now" and the ever popular "What did he do to her"
But she knew that it was part of the whole fame package, it seemed that it was now everybody's right to 'personally' experience her pain and angst.
"Be Happy"
As she sang the last two words, the crowds sprung to her feet, clapping her. Wolf whistles were even being thrown her way. Plastering on her overly fake smile she thanked the crowd feeling suddenly unwell
"Please give it up for Mitchie" the presenter announced as she left the stage
Mitchie had no idea why she felt this way, her stomach was in knots, she felt hot and light headed.
Running past everybody, she didnt care if she was rude, she had to get to the bathroom.
She ran into the nearest cubicle and relieved the contents of her last weeks food
Standing up , shaking, she brushed herself off and went over to the sink.
Looking at her pale and somewhat pasty reflection in the mirror, a wave of realisation hit her "Oh no" she cried