Five Conversations
The Day After
Annie sat at her vanity, staring at her reflection. Simultaneously, she contemplated the repercussions of last night on her friendship with Britta (the memory of Britta's Christmas revenge attack on that tattooed brunette was still fresh in Annie's mind) and the incomprehensible, unfathomable premise that Jeff had kissed her back. Scratch that. Jeff had not only kissed her back but initiated what Annie could only imagine was the kind of kiss the other girls fantasized about while she had been busy creating her "Fifteen Step Plan to Master the Precise Epsilon/Delta Function". Annie's vibrating phone startled her out of her reverie. The Caller ID confirmed it was Jeff. This could either be very, very good or very, very bad. Squaring her shoulders, she reached for her cell and pressed the accept button.
"Hello."
"Hi."
Silence. Pointing towards very, very bad.
"How are you?" Annie asked.
"I'm…ok. You?"
"Great!" Annie cringed at her own cheerfulness.
"Listen, Annie…"
And here it came. The rejection she knew was inevitable but had hoped would be delayed just a bit longer to allow her to enjoy the memories untainted.
To save Jeff the very awkward explanation of reasons why this was going to be cut short, pre-empted before even having a chance and, quite frankly, to save herself from listening to these justifications for rejection, Annie interrupted.
"Jeff, don't. You don't have to explain."
"I think I do."
"No, it's fine. Last night you were in a very complicated situation and I…made it more complicated."
"I guess I should really get my shit together before I go making out with pretty teenagers in parking lots. Although, when the fog finally clears from my brain, my ego will be duly stroked."
Annie giggled softly. "Yeah, you've got a lot to figure out."
Jeff gave an affirmative exhale.
"Jeff…when you're sorting all this out and deciding if you want to be New Year's Jeff and evolve or Post-New Year's Jeff and accept who you are, just remember…Post New Year's Jeff is a lot better than you give him credit for."
Jeff remained silent and Annie was unsure what that silence meant. So she smiled into the phone (she's heard that if you smile when you talk over the phone, the other person will hear it in your voice) and said "Have a great summer!" She quickly disconnected and allowed herself five minutes to cry. Then she began making a list of ways in which to start living in the moment.
Three Weeks Later
"Hey Jeff!" she greeted into her phone as she continued walking towards her car. She was mildly surprise but mostly glad to see that it was Jeff on the other end of the line.
"Wassup…?" Jeff slurred.
"Jeff, are you drunk?"
"All my Scotch is gone. Did you drink my Scotch?"
"Uhm, no. Jeff, where are you?"
"Atmyhouse" It sounded like one word. "Where're you?"
"On my way home from work."
"Work? When did you get a job?"
"Last week. I'm working at the campus bookstore."
"Just can't stay away from Greendale, can you?"
"Guess not," Annie replied. She was happy to be talking to Jeff, believing it might be a sign that things might get back to normal, that their friendship wasn't going to suffer because Jeff believed he screwed up.
"So me and my Scotch decided that you were right. Post New Year's Jeff is the easiest, obvious choice. No fuss, no muss."
"Good for you…Did you tell Slater yet?" Annie asked.
"Yup. Which is why I'm on my second bottle of Scotch. Scotch is gooood."
"What'd she say?"
"Something to the effect of 'blah, blah, blah asshole', 'blah, blah, blah, blonde bitch high school drop-out', blah, blah, blah."
"Wow. Sounds like you made the right call."
"Yup."
"Have you talked to Britta yet?"
"Nah. She's in Cameroon or Guyana or some shit, do-gooding."
"Probably for the best. You might want to sober up before having that conversation." Annie smiled sadly. She was happy for Jeff, happy for Britta, but that didn't stop the sorrow she felt for herself.
"Sober is over-rated," Jeff replied.
"Yeah, well, do me a favor and drink some water and go to bed."
"Might as well. The Scotch is gone. Did you drink my Scotch?"
"Good night Jeff."
"Annie…?"
"Yeah?" Annie asked hopefully.
"Nah. Nevermind."
"Good night Jeff."
"'Night Annie."
Two Weeks Later
"Troy! Please be careful with that! My grandmother gave that to me." Into the phone that she just answered, Annie said "Hi Jeff."
"Hey…what's going on?" Jeff asked.
"I'm moving into my new apartment, and I enlisted Troy and Abed's help…I'm beginning to see the error of my ways though."
"You're moving into an apartment?"
"Yep! All part of my 'live in the moment' plan."
"You're planning on how to live in the moment?" Jeff chuckled.
"Do you really need to ask me that question?"
"So…how come you didn't ask me to help you move?"
"I didn't know if calling you was…allowed."
"Hey I've called you!"
"Once! When you were drunk!"
Jeff sounds duly embarrassed when he says "Yeah. Sorry about that."
"Well if it makes you feel any better, I wish I had asked you. If Abed references The Money Pit one more time, I may throw myself out the window."
Jeff laughed.
"Troy! Put. It. Down." To Jeff, she said "Or if Troy plays 'first and ten' with one more thing, I'm going to…alright, I don't know any other football references, but I guarantee it will hurt." She said the last part loudly so that Troy would hear.
"Well, I guess I oughtta let you get back to babysitting all your worldly possessions."
"Yeah."
"And Annie? You can call me. Especially if it involves major steps in your 'living in the moment' plan."
Annie laughed. "OK. Thanks. Bye Jeff."
"Bye."
One Week Later
Jeff was surprised at how relieved he felt when he looked at his phone and saw Annie's name.
"Hey!" he answered.
"Where are you?" Annie asked excitedly.
"At home…why?"
"Turn on your TV. Channel 27. Quick!"
Jeff grabbed his remote and did as Annie instructed, tuning to the local advertisement channel.
"Why am I looking at an ad for Mustang Sally's? Annie if this is part of your 'live in the moment' strategy, I have to say that stripping is a very bad, bad…"
"Ew! Gross. No, you have to wait 'til the ad comes around again. You missed it."
"Thank God."
"I'm going to pretend that wasn't meant to be as insulting as it sounded."
Jeff quickly changed the subject. "So are you all moved in?"
"Yes. Troy and Abed even lived to tell the tale. I deserve a gold star."
Companionable silence as they watched the ads scroll through.
"So, have you talked to Britta?"
"No."
"Not back yet?," Annie asked.
"Not sure."
"OK..." Annie let the subject drop, not wanting to press any farther. She was glad to see the ad she'd been waiting for flash on the screen.
"Oh! Oh! Here it is!"
"Oh. My. God. Is he serious?" Jeff asked incredulously.
The ad on the screen displayed 'Do That to Me One More Time', an evening with Pierce Hawthorne, pianist, as he celebrates the music of Captain and Tennile.
"We have to go! I have to call Shirley!" Annie exclaimed.
"Not sure if that's how I want to spend my Tuesday night."
"You're no fun."
"I'll think about it."
"You do that. I miss…everyone."
"Yeah. Me too." Jeff admits.
"Talk to you later!"
"Bye, Annie."
Four Days Later
Annie dried her hands on a dishtowel before she answered her ringing phone.
"Hey, Jeff."
"What are you doing?"
"Washing dishes."
"How domesticated."
"You should have called earlier. I dusted and vacuumed." Annie smiled.
"You really need to re-evaluate your 'live in the moment' plan."
"Be nice," Annie admonished.
Annie's doorbell rang.
"Hang on, someone's at my door."
"You shouldn't answer the door at night when you live all by yourself."
"Well, if you hear any shrieks of terror, call 911."
Annie opened the door to find Jeff, leaning against her doorframe with his cell phone pressed to his ear.
"Aaah," Annie shrieked quietly with a smirk.
"Funny." Neither removed the phones from their ears as they look at each other, and Jeff begins to speak.
"You're 19."
"Yes."
"You're unjadedly optimistic and too selfless to have gathered the thick skin needed to deal with….all this." Jeff made the money maker gesture at himself.
"Maybe," Annie replied.
"But while Post New Year's Jeff still hits the snooze button and screens his mother's phone calls…ever since you came into his live, he also makes it to class on time and always calls his mother back."
Annie smiled.
Annie and Jeff stared at each other in questioning silence, both waiting for the other to make a move.
Annie relented first with "Britta might kick our asses."
Jeff dropped his cell phone, reached out to pull Annie towards him by the waist and then whispered "I don't care" into her mouth.