Disclaimer- I don't own it.
Every day I sit here waiting
Every day just seems so long
And now I've had enough of all the hating
Do we even care?
It's so unfair
Edward had left. I felt so wronged, so lonely. I felt as if I was nothing. I was empty. That was a fact. Now, I didn't do anything, I slept, worked at school, I made Charlie's dinner. No effort, all of that was easy. I didn't interact with people. Jessica, Mike, Angela, Tyler, Eric, Ben. Who were they? They were no one compared to the Cullens.
I didn't hate Edward as much as I resented him leaving. I still loved him, I knew that. So even though he had left me here alone with no one to care, I still would welcome him back with open arms if he were to come back to me. Even though both my heart and head, both wishing it wasn't true, knew that he wasn't coming back.
Life was not fair at this moment in time.
Any day it'll all be over
Everyday there's nothing new
And I'm just trying to fine some hope
To try to hold onto
But it starts again
It'll never end
I tried to find hope in everything. School, books, Renee, but what good was it? My heart and soul was with Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, and it always would be. And every time I felt as if I was getting better about him leaving, something always happened to remind me about him, or them.
I never spoke their names any more, it hurt too much to. Edward had broken my heart, Alice had left me here to die on the inside, and the others, well they probably didn't care enough to even think about me.
I was human. Not important.
I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking?
And I can't even move
Most days, after school, after homework, after dinner, after emailing Renee, I normally just sat still just staring at the ceiling, at the floor, at the wall. I didn't know what to do at all. If I looked at the wrong thing, tears would come to my eyes and I'd almost burst into tears, and it was hard not to do these things. I'd started to train myself not to do that.
When it came to the childish gossip at my school, I couldn't do anything about it. I had to deal with it, when I heard it, it broke my heart, but I didn't know what to do. I wasn't mentally prepared to face them. I was so broken inside, I couldn't move myself forward. If I tried, the hurt came ten times worse.
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do
Mike was hitting on me again for the first couple of weeks, but when I just refused him right out with no guilt, he stopped. No one could fix me. No matter how hard they tried, no matter how hard they apologised to me, or told me it would be ok, I was so broken, so broken that I was unfixable.
Charlie tried to make me speak to him, he tried everything to get me back to normal. His time was wasted. I didn't like being like this. I brought everyone down by being like this, but what else could be done? Edward had my heart, Edward had my soul, and without Edward, I was completely broken. Unmendable.
Almost giving up on trying
Almost heading for the fall
And now my mind is screaming out
I gotta keep on fighting
Then again
It doesn't end
I always tried to fight so that I would be able to survive, but I wanted to give up so badly. I loved Edward so much that I didn't want to give up, but I wanted Edward so much that I was nothing without him. So no matter how much my mind wanted to fight, the rest of me didn't want to fight.
The hurt wasn't going to go away, no matter what I did, so what was the point? Nothing like this ended, why shouldn't I give up? Why shouldn't I just lie down on the ground and die, let someone find my rotting carcass somewhere deep in the woods?
Sometimes I wished that they hadn't found me in the woods, wished they had just let me lie there in the mud and die. When everything happened with James, I had thrown myself into the deep end. I would have done anything for Edward, and even though now James was gone, I was still in too deep with my relationship with Edward.
I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking?
And I can't even move
I felt so dead, the day after day routine bored me; it prolonged the time before death, and that was about it. After all, that's all it was. We lived, we loved, we died. I'd lived, I'd loved, and now, I was just waiting to die. Counting down the days until one day I'd trip, or I'd get hit by another car.
It may sound rather melodramatic, but in a world without my one true love, what else was there? I mean, I was after all the Bella Swan. Miss Clumsy of the year. It was only a matter of time before my number came up once more.
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do
People asked me to talk about it, but why would I want to? It's not as if they'd know what I was going through, they didn't know that I was dating a vampire. If I talked about how I felt, what if something accidentally slipped out? What if I said something that would put the Cullens into danger of exposure?
I couldn't do that. I didn't hate them enough to do that.
Feels like I'm drowning
I'm screaming for it
Every day felt the same. It felt as if I was dying a little bit more on the inside. Every second away from Edward made me want to scream out for him ten times louder.
But he wasn't going to come back.
And louder I'm crying
And you don't even care
Edward didn't care for me. It was obvious to me now. He used to until he was happy enough to move on and break my heart. How many simple human girls had he done this to before? Would I find a whole line of 'silly humans' that Edward had said he loved before he broke their hearts?
Would I ever know the real Edward Cullen?
I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking?
And I can't even move
(What can I do?)
So here I was. The plain little human girl. I couldn't do anything else, so why not just sit here and wait for death? Why not just stay here and do nothing but watch as everyone else passed by, happy?
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
I'm heavily broken
I looked out of the window and into the blackness. It was times like this that I felt even more empty. The times that I'd normally be in his arms, with his beautiful face, his cold hard skin, his sweet smelling breath.
Just thinking of it made my insides shiver and my breath hitch.
I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking?
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
I'm heavily broken
(Are we running outta time?)
I'm heavily broken
Heavily broken
Broken, broken
No matter who I met, I'd always be broken. And only Edward could fix me fully.
A.N.- Ok rather morbid but I was insanely upset when I wrote this. So when the song came on, I had to write it. I hope you like it.
Playlist
Heavily Broken- The Veronicas.
Thanks to emoTWiLiGHT.