Author's Note: Okay, so as an apology for taking so long on updating my other two fan fictions, I am posting this little one shot as a bit of a peace offering. As you can probably tell, I am quite distracted and have much too much time on my hands... Hope you enjoy!
The Butt of the Joke
The quidditch teams claimed the firmest butts in the school. No one ever doubted that. So why the girls in the Gryffindor house needed to discuss their male counterparts' bottoms was beyond Ginny Weasley.
"But he has such a nice butt!" was what Ginny walked into when she got back from changing at quidditch practice. She planned on taking a nice bath before slipping into her bed, dreaming sweet dreams of Harry (something of a habit) asking her out. However, she somehow managed to be dragged into the conversation about butts. Though Ginny was not surprised in the least of people talking about butts, for it was a rather popular topic for her dormitory for some strange and forebodingly odd reason, she was shocked by the people talking. She did not expect to find Luna and Hermione joining in on the brain-dementing topic. Oh, bloody Merlin! I didn't expect Luna Lovegood to even be in our dormitory to begin with!
"What, moreover, who – for the criticism of Merlin's stinky socks – are you talking about this time?"
"Harry Potter." A couple of girls giggled before talking, yet again, about the famous boys buttocks.
Ginny, however, went bright red, very embarrassed to have thought about Harry's butt. Oh Merlin! Ginny ran out of the dorm, followed closely by Hermione and Luna, who claimed the need to get back to her dorm to check on the wrackspurt she caught a few days previously. Though still fairly red, Ginny gave Luna an odd look before deciding that she was not going to try to understand whatever the oddity said. Hermione, looking as though she decided against arguing about wrackspurts and snorkacks with the Lovegood, merely turned to Ginny, talking aimlessly about why the girls liked talking about the male species' butts. Ginny gave a groan as soon as she heard the word butt.
"Ginny! Honestly, you do know that you running out of the room at the mention of Harry Potter is going to raise questions!" The whole common room went silent as everyone, including Ron and Harry, who happened to walk in a few moments previously and toward them, blinked a few times before trying to comprehend Hermione's words.
Ginny tried not to think about how awkward that sounded.
"Hermione!" she hissed. The bushy haired genius smiled sheepishly before waving to Harry and Ron apologetically.
"It's not what you think, Ginny! Besides, Harry probably wants to know why he is being mentioned to begin…" Ron and Harry made it over to the two, however, causing Hermione's words to fade off.
"See, I knew you sneezed all through the extra help for a reason. That may be why you were particularly sucky. Thank goodness you are not a chaser! Our team would die out there if you were." Harry looked like he was trying not to strangle Ron. He also looked unusually blank. He was controlling his expression. Really, Ron. Did you make him that mad?
"Well, I am going back to the dorms." Ginny, who did not want to be left alone, ran after Hermione, but not before she heard Harry mutter.
"Did I do something to her?" Ron's response, however, was not heard due to the closing of the door behind her. She followed Hermione into the lioness's den again, only to find herself back downstairs with three girls chasing her. She ran behind Harry, who happened to be the closest person to her at the time. She was briefly distracted by how tall he was and how good he smelled, even though he was slightly sweaty from quidditch practice. Harry's shout of surprise attracted everyone's attention.
"Come on, Ginny! All we want is an opinion." Ginny looked frantically to Hermione, who stood at the door to the girls' dorms, clearly not planning to help out the small redhead.
"Why the bloody hell would I contribute to this conversation?" Ginny cried, not sure if she should have spoken at all, for the girls looked to Harry this time.
"Hello, Harry," Demelsa spoke sweetly as she smiled. Ginny was already dreading the next words, however, Hermione was the one who ran over and dragged the girls back into the dorms, sans Ginny, who refused to enter the lioness's den a second time around.
"What is going on and why are you hiding behind my best friend, Ginny?" The girl looked to the redheaded boy. Ron did not look too thrilled to have his sister clinging to the most famous boy in the wizarding world, who just happened to be bright red at the moment.
"You don't really want to know…" she mumbled, causing Harry to look down at her.
"Why wouldn't we?" he asked, clearly not realizing that the innocent curiosity in his expression was what made her flame red – until she realized the answer to his (and, unfortunately, Ron's) question. She went redder – if possible – at the thought of telling Harry Potter that girls were talking about his buttocks. Unfortunately for her, Hermione came down at that moment – and she was more than willing to fill the boys in about their inquiries.
"Why is Ginny blushing mad over here at Harry?" Aside from the slight humor in her eyes, Hermione managed to speak without giggling.
"That all depends on what you two asked her."
"All Ron was asking was what was going on and why she was clinging to me." The laughter burst right then. The whole common room, getting used to this, ignored them.
"Hermione!" Ginny whined, not wanting to say it out loud.
"They wanted to know what she thought of –" Ginny slapped a hand over Hermione's mouth before she completed her sentence.
"Do you want me to tell Ron what they were asking you? I personally think that I knew your answer to their question!" Hermione's eyes bulged.
"You wouldn't," she said. The girls stood at a standoff and Ginny thought she succeeded. Hermione surprised them all by dragging Harry and Ron into their dorm. Ginny chased her – and thus Harry and Ron – up to their dorms. The door closed behind them and Ginny started pleading, eventually spilling at the same time Hermione did.
"They wanted Ginny to tell them what she thought of your butt, Harry."
"They wanted Hermione to tell them who she thinks has the cutest butt."
Both boys blinked. Harry looked like he would faint and Ron looked at Hermione. As Harry walked over to his bed, Ginny watched, half listening to Ron bug Hermione.
"Well, who would you say has the cutest butt?"
"Why would I answer that? I wouldn't even answer it for them!" Ginny walked over to Harry and hesitated before sitting on his four-poster.
"What are you thinking about?" Harry glanced at her before continuing to stare at the ceiling of the room. Harry thought before he spoke.
"Girls are a little weird." Ginny smiled.
"Well, we would say the same about you boys as well. I mean, how do we know tht you like us? How do we know you hate us? What is wrong about speaking –" Hermione's shout cause Ginny to freeze.
"GINNY'S!" Harry and Ginny both looked at Ron and Hermione, their conversation, which had been turning into something productive, lay completely forgotten. Did she just say…?
"You think Ginny's butt is the cutest?" Harry and Ron said in disbelief. They both looked at Ginny, who was red with disbelief, soon becoming shrewd grumpiness.
"Liar," she mumbled as Ron passed out and Harry picked up Seamus' Quidditch! Weekly magazine of that month, clearly not listening to anything in the room any longer.
As Ginny tried to eat her breakfast the next morning, she couldn't help but feel that being the butt of the joke in Gryffindor tower was the worst thing possible, especially when everyone knew Hermione was joking (aside from Ron, who was strangely oblivious to the fact). Everyone was staring at her, and it was not fun, to say the least. She dealt with it, even if she did want to kill Hermione. I hate being the butt of the joke.