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Another short one shot, Remus POV, about Sirius.
He's there again, I know he is; I can smell him – Fear and adrenalin. And lust. I know if I open my eyes I'll see intense silver ones looking back, peering through the gap of crimson curtains surrounding the bed. He's there every night, just watching, waiting. He thinks I don't know, that I haven't noticed – he thinks he's moved quietly enough, his breathing shallow enough. He's forgotten, he's underestimated the wolf. He's forgotten it's not just me in this bed, there's another – always another. He's underestimated it's senses, my senses. I know why he does this, he can't know that I know. It's only a crush.
In the morning we'll go to breakfast together with James and Peter, we'll sit together in classes, we'll stay up late into the night talking about his family, his plans for the future, and I'll know he wants to say something else, something more important. Then he'll stand beside the bed again when he thinks I'm asleep. I'll hug him in celebration after a win in Quidditch, hug him in commiseration after a failure and we'll both tense in each others arms, for very different reasons. I've always known why he does this. He'll move on in time.
When he can't stand the secret anymore, when he has to tell someone, I will deny any knowledge of his actions. I will explain I don't feel the same. I will explain his feelings away to a mere crush until we both begin to believe it. Even when the feelings are mutual. I would recover if ever he left, if ever he betrayed me, got bored of me; I recover well. When he begins to underestimate me, to underestimate it, he won't recover. He'll forget the wolf is an equal part of me, he'll ignore the fact that I'm dangerous, ignore that I'm hardly even human, that I'm wrong. He'll become careless and overconfident, and that will be his undoing.
He's stopped staring now, I can hear him padding back to his own bed, the frustrated sighs. I know what I'll hear after the rustle of sheets and creak of the old bed. I'll hear him sobbing, only once or twice, not hysterics. He'll be as quiet as possible and it will break my heart. It will be enough to make me want to leave my bed and tell him I know, tell him what I know he wants -needs- to hear. But it's only an infatuation. The hurt he feels now would be nothing compared to the pain I would inflict. Sleep is slow in coming, and unforgiving when it does. In the morning we'll go to breakfast and everything will be fine again. The guilt and heartache won't exist, because I won't let them. I know they'll be there though, I won't be able to stop them coming when he does, when he sobs in the dark, but it will get better.
After all, it's only a crush.
Not quite the normal way round methinks, normally it seems Remus does the pining. I know they seem slightly OOC, but I couldn't help feeling that maybe Remus would be far more careful about anything of this nature, and a lot stronger rather than the normal process of "OMG Sirius I love yoo, sex now please!", and perhaps showing a more emotional side of Sirius would work in contrast.
I'm not sure if it worked or not, since it's rather late and I'm seeing double S
Night night folks