Letter to my Almost Lover

by gleenfinity

Sherlock writes a letter to John before he comes back after the Fall. He tries to explaine his feelings to John, without being someone else. He tries to say the whole truth, even the reason why he left, even some things that are hard for him to say. Johnlock. English is not my first language, so I'm sorry for the mistakes :) Sort of Spoilers Alert.

Dear John,

How long has it been? Two years, right?
Well in this two years I've been alone like never before, because at the end of the day I always had someone, and for the last year and a half I was lucky enough to have you in my life, John.
I know this may sound cheesy, but you were -are- the best thing that I've ever had.
I'm so sorry that I hurt you, and you know how uneasy it is for me to apologize, but I really am. You just need to know- well, I need you to know, that I did it just for you, for your own safety, because nothing matters to me more than you being alive, you and the others, the ones that I never thought I would call friends, but who are my friends. I don't care if I died in disgrace and I don't care if I'm not famous anymore, you know that's not fame what I wanted, I just wanted not to get bored.
You know, I saw you at the cemetery that day with Mrs Hudson, I heard you, and just for one second I felt the need to ruin everything just to tell you something incredibly important, something I don't say so often: thank you.
After all you still believed in me, even if I told you not, you did. Thank God I know you're stubborn, otherwise I'd just think you were amazingly stupid, or maybe you really are.
When I heard you saying those things, I've felt the urge to run to you and tell you everything, now I realize it wouldn't have been a bad idea.
The fact is, John, that I miss you every day, 'cause even if you were not as smart as I am, you slowly understood me and you listened, that is why I chose you over million people, I knew you were different.
I never told you any of these things because I was convinced I don't have emotions, but I do, and you're one of the things that made me realize that, you made me realize I'm "the most human… human being", right?
Please forgive me, forgive me for what I have done, I'm truly sorry, but I don't regret saving your life. Even if this is the price I must pay, I'm willing to pay it as long as you are ok. That's why I decided to do one more miracle, John. I'll stop being dead, for you, because now I understand that without me you're not completely fine, just the way I'm not fine without you.

One last thing, I owe you everything. I owe you for making me realize I am capable of loving.

I love you, John Watson, and after two years without you I'm not afraid of this feeling anymore.

Only yours,
SH.