Spoilers: 4x13 – Journey's End
Summary: He let go.
Disclaimer: The BBC owns Doctor Who, I do not. (or JE would have ended much differently :-D
A/N: So…I wrote this after the depressing Journey's End finale (let the angst flow!). It's the Doctor thinking on how he 'let go.' Doctor/Rose. Also, thanks to my beta jaceyangel on LJ.
He Let Go
He'd let her go. Just like that. He let her go. After all that time of missing her - the heartbreak, the death, he'd found her again. For just a short time, she was with him again. His hearts beat erratically at the memory of seeing her, holding her, after such…such, a long time. For just a minute, a mere moment, he'd let himself believe that she would be back in his arms forever. Her face lighting up when she saw him, his equally happy grin smiling right back. But that was just foolish, human hope. In the long run, the harsh reality…he didn't know what he'd expected. Be with Rose, always afraid that this would be the day she would die? Force her to stay in the parallel universe alone? He certainly hadn't expected a happy ending, he was the Doctor after all. But this, this – to give her up to another, he just really wasn't expecting that. As soon as he'd seen what his other self had done, he'd known, known with a sickening clarity what he had to do. He was alone again. It was his own doing – he'd pushed her into the arms of another, himself. But, it wasn't him. He was still alone. He tried to do what he thought best, the right thing. And so, he let her go.
It was different now. She was gone again, yes, but before, through all the heartbreak, through all the pain, suffering, loss, he knew she was there. Loving him, ready to come back if he found a way. Now, she was with someone else, with 'him,' and no matter how much he wanted her, he couldn't have her. The ultimate punishment. He'd let her go. He would move on, meet new companions, but would always have that 'what if' in the back of his mind. What if he hadn't let go?
-fin-Hope you liked it. Please review and let me know what you thought :-)