What Am I Doing?

Tails tossed and turned three times more before shooting into an upright position. The night was dark, but the house was warm and his bedclothes were soft. He couldn't sleep; again, even when he knew Sonic was downstairs. Why?

Tails had a crush on Sonic. It was nothing new to him; he'd had the same feelings for a long time, without knowing what they meant. But now…the facts that he knew made him ever more positive that he was gay, and in fact getting ever more so by the second. It made him scared, but he was tempted. He had to know what it was like to kiss his crush!

Slowly, he got out of bed. The floor was warm, and the hall was lit up faintly by the fire downstairs that burned comfortably. As Tails ventured closer to the steps, he heard faint snores coming from downstairs. Sonic was asleep. Good, Tails thought. Now his plan could work.

He crept down the stairs, careful of his every footfall, all the while keeping his innocent blue eyes on the one he loved. His heart beat faster as he saw Sonic's muscular body. It was absolutely perfect…and he had to know what it felt like.

Now at the foot of the steps, he hurried slightly forward to the coffee table in front of the couch, for the couch itself was angled so that it faced away from the bright firelight. He sniffed. The air smelled like alcohol. Had Sonic been drinking? Tails had never known him to, but he supposed he'd find out quite soon.

Sonic's lips were parted just a tiny bit to admit his breath and Tails nearly got ahead of himself. It smelled faintly of chili dogs; Sonic could've fallen asleep easily after a few hundred of those. He crept behind the couch and faced a vast bookcase of large volumes that Sonic had never touched but that he'd read many times over.

He selected a large, pale beige book he knew without being able to read the title in the dim lighting was a book of mythology. It was good-sized, too; about as thick as two school textbooks, and would make a hardy thud if dropped from a desired height. Tails lifted it with some difficulty in a single hand about three feet off the floor and let it fall.

The thud was thunderous and echoed throughout the whole of the quiet house. Tails' fur stood on end, his eyes tightly shut, waiting for Sonic to start.

But, Sonic was dead still like a statue, only moving an inch to stretch his legs without waking. Tails' heart beat faster and crawled into his throat. He'd kind of wanted Sonic to wake up. With precautions on his mind and a million good reasons not to do what he knew he had to, he crawled out from behind the couch.

Sonic's muscular legs came with the territory of super speed, which he possessed, and were amazing to behold. Tails glanced at his scrawny limbs and his inadequacy made him want Sonic even more.

As he came close to Sonic's lips, his breathing stopped. It couldn't be possible for Sonic to be gay; he'd had way too many girls. Even so, Sonic had a way of talking himself out of sticky situations, or talking his way smoothly into them. It could be compared to driving a car into or out of a traffic jam; done easily by a professional. Sonic could make Tails believe in the love they shared as easily as he could run; this trait being second-nature and easier for him than walking.

Well, Tails thought. I'll do it once, and then I won't ever do it again. Then, Amy can have him. He shuddered to think of this. He and Amy got along, but he was jealous of the way it was acceptable for her to cuddle with Sonic while he could not. If he will have her, he added for his own benefit. That made him feel better, but not about kissing Sonic. Tails leaned over, closing his eyes firmly, before he could turn back.

It could've lasted forever, but all good things come to an end. An unexpected party member ended the kiss. Tails opened his eyes.

Sonic's head was bent and as far away from Tails as space restrictions allowed. He seemed surprised, but only a touch agitated; which Tails considered a blessing. Maybe Sonic was a little worn out from his previous adventure and wasn't in a yelling mood. Hidden beneath his beautiful blue quills, Tails could see the emerald eyes blazing with confusion and pain. He turned his head slowly, allowing Tails a look at the gorgeous face. Their noses touched a brief second and Tails flushed like a rose.

Sonic's burning eyes faced him now; fierce as fire, but gentle within. He was calm; soothed, perhaps, by a full stomach and sleepiness. But those eyes…Tails trembled as Sonic raised his hand and closed his eyes, prepared for a slap.

Instead, however, the gloved hand slowly rested upon his cheek. "Sonic…" Tails ventured, his voice trembling and shaking. "I'm sorry…I had to see what it felt like…I thought you were asleep…I'm…I'm just sorry…" He turned and tried to pull away, but Sonic was faster. He grabbed the yellow fox in his arms and held him about the rib cage just enough to tickle and brought him into his lap. Tails found the hedgehog's legs encasing him on both sides. He couldn't help but blush bright red.

"Tails, I'm not mad," Sonic soothed the little fox's uncertainty by gently resting his head on his shoulder for a moment. Tails sighed and slowly placed his head on Sonic's shoulder. His body smelled of sweat and other remnants from his latest adventure. Tails enjoyed this. The fur on his chest was damp from water moisture in the air, but not enough for the hedgehog to feel soaked. Gingerly, Tails licked a dewdrop from a lock of fur. "You can tell me anything; I'd hoped you knew that. But, you have to tell me right out. Some surprises I'm not so fond of."

He was being irresistible; drawing him in. Tails was afraid of this, but strangely, he liked it. "I'm sorry…I thought you were really knocked out there." He licked the kiss away from his lips. Chili. "You ate."

Sonic's eyes faced the fire. The golden flames it made lit up his eyes and accented the green irises. "Hmmm. Too much mustard, not enough chili."

Tails laughed nervously. Sonic held him close; Tails was even unable to move his arms. "Really?"

Sonic nuzzled him gently, his green eyes shinning eagerly. "So…are you gay?"

Tails was slapped by the question and tried to move away from Sonic. Something stronger then his arms was keeping him locked in place, though. Embarrassed, he murmured: "Well, I don't know…that was a test."

"A test, huh?" Sonic chuckled.

"…yes," Tails began to shiver.

"Are you cold?" Sonic's voice was smooth and calm; loving and sugary sweet. He lifted Tails easily and shifted positions. Without Tails ever touching the couch once, the little fox found himself in Sonic's lap. The arms were still tight about his waist, but allowed full movement of his hands. He wondered if he could put his arms around Sonic's neck. He tested this theory. Sonic made no objection. "Now," he leaned closer to Tails. "Shall we continue where we left off?"

Tails turned away and Sonic sat up. "Don't trick me," Tails warned; injury present in his voice. Sonic laughed softly. It was an elegant sound.

"We don't know if you're gay yet, right? I already know I'm bisexual. Let's see what you are." He attempted to kiss Tails again.

This time, Tails let him. Unsure about kissing, Tails let Sonic lead. The hedgehog was exploring to see how far Tails was comfortable with. When Tails felt their tongues touch, he pulled away. "Ew," he whispered.

"Okay," Sonic smiled. "So, we can't go that far. That's fine. But, it appears you want to snuggle."

Tails buried his head into Sonic's chest. Here, he felt secure; there was nothing else he needed in the world other then to be right here. "Yes," he breathed. "More than anything."

Sonic said nothing more for a long time. At last, Tails looked up into those alluring eyes. They were so green, so soft, so beautiful, yet so far away. "What're you thinking, Sonic?"

"How long have you felt like this?" Sonic asked, evading the question.

"Long, I suppose. I don't really know…these things are hard to tell."

"What do you like best about me?"

"That's easy; your eyes." Tails smiled. "They're so green."

Sonic chuckled. "But, you won't be offended when I tell you I'm not sure how I feel yet?"

"You've already told me. I guess I was expecting that." Tails smiled, too. "It's okay; I'm not even fully sure yet."

"Heh. What's gotten into you, my little nerd?" Sonic nuzzled by Tails' neck, tickling him.

"I don't know…I kept thinking how jealous I always was of Amy for stealing you."

"But, you and Amy get along."

"Yeah. But, you just can't imagine the pure hatred I feel when she hugs you and snuggles with you in public. It annoys you to death, but I want to do that, too."

"Do you?" Sonic seemed amused.

"Yes. And I feel like strangling her whenever she can get close to you like I'll never be able to…" Tails gazes into his eyes mournfully. "…right?"

Sonic sighed heavily, as if he regretted his own words. "Yeah. Sorry, little bro, but I really don't want anyone to know we're dating…if we begin to…until everything's settled. But, I'll try not to have Amy hang on me so much. And, you know, anytime we're alone…" He grinned slyly. "…well, you know…"

Tails laughed. "Yay!"

Sonic came close to Tails' face and the fox's heart thudded against his chest. Sonic was so close that Tails could smell his breath. It still smelled like chili dogs. Tails smiled, blushing. Sonic hugged him closer. "Your eyes are like the sky…and twice as beautiful." He whispered.

"Really?" Tails yawned cutely and lay against Sonic's heart. The beat was steady now; slow, calm, relaxed and his body was warmer than the fire.

"Of course," Sonic grinned. "I realize that's what I love best about you, too."

"Hmmm," Tails was already drifting off. Sonic nuzzled him.

"Sleep well, Tails." He whispered in the fox's ear. Tails nodded slowly and became heavy in the hedgehog's arms. He was asleep.

Sonic smiled with devotion. He realized now that all along, there had been a deep love for the fox, even though it could be perceived as a taboo. For Tails was something like seven full years from him. That was a long interval.

The hedgehog took his eyes from Tails and searched the fire for answers it could never give him. As the night wore on, he bit his lip so hard that it bled. A drop fell on Tails' shoulder, but Sonic stayed motionless. "What am I doing?" He questioned the fire softly after a long silence. "What the hell am I doing?"