This is my first ever fanfic. It is short, but I hope, sweet. It takes place at the end of vol. 8 of Loveless, just after the confrontation with Seimei. I have used some dialogue that is similar to the English translation of Loveless, vol. 8.
Disclaimer: Loveless and its characters belong to the amazingly talented Yun Kouga; I am just borrowing them for a bit.
Hold Me Close
Soubi lay awake in the dark of the unfamiliar room. Physically and mentally exhausted from the night's events, his mind nevertheless refused to shut down, denied him the reprieve of sleep. Images sloshed against the shore of his consciousness, repeatedly, relentlessly. Seimei. Seimei, alive and in front of him. Seimei's commands, still like law for him, however much he had wanted to disobey. Traitor, betrayer...
How could he have let Seimei go? Ritsuka, I'm sorry. I didn't want to.
"Do you want a traitor near you, Ritsuka?" he had asked.
"Soubi, why do you say such things? Weren't you the one who told me not to believe all of Seimei's words?"
It can't be helped. Could Ritsuka really forgive him for what he'd done? Could he forgive himself?
Not two feet away, Ritsuka lay deeply asleep, the covers pulled high around his small neck. His left hand reflexively clutched at the pillow and his delicate eyelids fluttered faintly. What are you seeing in your dreams tonight, Ritsuka, where I cannot follow you?
The desire to protect Ritsuka, to love him – both had been at Seimei's command...in the beginning. But what about now? Could Soubi trust his own heart? Yes, he decided. Even if I doubt all else, of this one thing I am sure. I love Ritsuka.
A sharp cry broke Soubi's reverie as the sleeping Ritsuka flung out an arm. Tossing his head from side to side, his breath coming in gasps, he suddenly sat fully upright and opened his eyes. His gaze was unfocused, his body trembling, but Soubi could read the raw fear in his face. Hot, wet tears coursed down his cheeks, his features contorted in anguish, and though he seemed to be uttering words, Soubi could not make them out.
In a moment Soubi's strong arms were pulling him close, his low voice murmuring gentle nothings as if to a very young child. Rocking him back and forth, Soubi rested his cheek on the top of Ritsuka's head as his fingers combed softly through the hair on Ritsuka's neck, damp with the perspiration of his fevered dream. Little by little Ritsuka's sobs subsided, his trembling stilled in Soubi's embrace. Soon his head drooped forward onto Soubi's shoulder, his breathing once again deep and regular with dreamless sleep.
Ever so carefully, Soubi lowered Ritsuka back down onto the bed, cradling his tiny form, one arm draped protectively around him and resting lightly on Ritsuka's back. Instinctively Ritsuka moved towards him, curling in closer to Soubi's warmth. Soubi sighed and wondered, not for the first time, how such a small body could possibly contain the one for whom he felt so much. He smiled fleetingly as he kissed Ritsuka's forehead and lowered his own head onto the pillow. In no time at all Ritsuka's regular breathing, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, had lulled Soubi too into the blissful realm of unconsciousness.
***
Had minutes passed...or had it been hours? All too soon Ritsuka stirred under the restraining weight of Soubi's arm.
"How did I get over here?" asked Ritsuka, confused.
Soubi reluctantly opened his eyes.
"You had a nightmare. You don't remember?"
"No." Ritsuka looked thoughtful.
"Soubi, what time do you think it is?"
"Judging by the darkness, I'd say there is still an hour or two of night left."
Ritsuka pulled the covers back, swung his bare legs, scarcely covered by the borrowed T-shirt, over the side.
"I'm going to find the bathroom."
As Ritsuka quietly left the room, Soubi sighed. He would have liked to hold Ritsuka longer, but Ritsuka, child that he still was, was usually the first to break their embrace. How did Ritsuka really feel about him – was Soubi the only one who craved the other's touch?
A few minutes later, the door opened soundlessly and Ritsuka reentered the room. Wordlessly he climbed back into the bed, sitting upright for a moment, head bowed in thought. Soubi said nothing, waiting. Finally, Ritsuka's voice, hesitant, broke the silence.
"Soubi?"
"Yes, Ritsuka?"
"Can I...can I come back over there...with you?"
Soubi's lips twitched upwards as he lifted the covers with his arm in invitation. Ritsuka angled his small self back into the spot he had occupied before, curled towards Soubi's chest, and without a word Soubi placed his arm back around Ritsuka, pulling him in just a little bit more tightly.
So many thoughts still played in both their minds of matters unresolved, but for tonight, each thought quietly to himself, for this one moment, let it be enough if you just hold me close.
FIN
Please review. This is my first fanfic and I know it's not earth-shattering in its quality or scope. However, I hope you enjoyed it, despite its short length.