SPOILERS FOR "MIZUMONO"! If you haven't seen the final of "Hannibal". Go watch it. Wow. Just wow. I thought the final of "Supernatural" was bad but daaaamn...my feels. (This is also on AO3 under my same penname)
Hannibal hasn't left yet. The gun was well within Will's reach. He could grab it. He could end it—end Hannibal for everything he's done and everything he'll continue to do. Will knows that this isn't over, never will be over. He refuses to die, even as a part of him yearns to give up and let go, but he can't. Not while Hannibal is still here.
He could do it. He should do it; take the gun and make sure Hannibal can never hurt anyone again. Will has dreamt about it for months, killing him. The thought gives him pleasure and even now he can't deny how much he absolutely wants to kill Hannibal Lecter. But there's a problem with that.
Will Graham wants to kill Hannibal Lecter, but he doesn't want Hannibal Lecter to die.
It was as if their fates had been tied together. Will wanted to kill him, but he didn't want Hannibal to die, and Hannibal… he hadn't even tried to kill Will. As long as the paramedics got there within the next couple of minutes, he'd survive, physically anyway. This was his punishment for betraying Hannibal and as Will tried applying pressure to Abigail's—she was alive, she was so close, Hannibal had kept her alive for him—neck, he couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he had chosen differently.
He'd been straddling the line between Jack and Hannibal for a long time, and it hadn't started out that way. Will didn't think he'd known how strongly he felt for the psychiatrist until these last few moments, until he had picked up the phone to call and warn Hannibal, trying to ignore how desperately he hoped Hannibal would leave. He had to keep straddling, because he couldn't let Hannibal die, but he couldn't give in to his own darkness any more than he already had.
And even now as Hannibal walks out into the rain where Alana lay dying—perhaps already dead—Will can't bring himself to shoot him before he gets completely out of his sight. Abigail is here, he tells himself, I can save her. Yet, he knows it's useless. Hannibal wasn't there to apply pressure to her wound this time, and he was too weak to do so himself.
Toxic. A poison had been seeping into Will the moment he met Hannibal Lecter. At first he was resistant to it, but then he had to let it in to do what needed to be done. But he'd gotten used to it, welcomed it even.
He let the toxin envelop him, wrap its arms tightly around his body until it seeped into his every pore and drowned him in it, ruining him forever. Even if he survived this—which he was sure he would; he understood Hannibal enough to know that he didn't want him dead, not really—and even if he found… someone else out there, there'd never be anyone else. His mind, his heart as screwed up it was, belonged to the person who had toyed and twisted them.
Will would find Hannibal again, somehow, somewhere, and some way, but, just like this time, he had no idea what he would do when he did.