Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan. Gosho Aoyama does. As simple as that, I don't own it, and, I'll have to leave the job to Gosho, sighs…oh well. Don't mind me; I'm just one of the million Detective Conan fans all over the world, hehe.
As what I always say, please read, review and most importantly, enjoy! :)
This is just a very simple one-shot. XD Definitely NOT MY BEST work. Forgive me.
Shopping
Genre: Humor
Fiction Rating: K (Safe for any age to read)
One-shot
Complete
Warning: May contain very minimal amount of bad words. It's only very little, still very safe.
Prologue
"Haibara!" Conan called out, running towards her one sunny morning on the streets of Beika.
Haibara turned around. "Oh…hi Kudo-kun!"
"Where are you going?" Conan asked, panting.
"Shopping." She said. "In the grocery store." She continued. "Why?" She asked.
"Can I accompany you?" He asked. "What are you going to buy?"
"Hmm……usual stuff like milk, bread…those kinds of stuff. Vegetables, meat, fruits, juices."
"Ah… so, can I go with you?" He asked.
"Help yourself." Haibara said tonelessly.
"That means I'm going!" Conan grinned happily. Haibara sighed. "Suit yourself." She told him.
One and a half hour after arriving at the grocery store…
"Haibara!!" Conan whined. "What is taking you so long?!" He asked irritated.
Haibara took a carton of milk and said. "Be patient. I have to read the ingredients first."
"Let's see. Hmmm……this vanilla-flavored milk contains 2 less fat…" She said. She took another carton of milk with a different brand, this time, chocolate-flavored. Looking at the other carton of milk, she said. "…while this one has 2.6 less fat. Hmm…but the vanilla flavored milk is cheaper by 1 yen. So…which should I buy? Hmm……" She thinks hard.
"Oh, for heaven's sake, just pick one already, Haibara!! It's JUST milk!" He yelled.
"It's not JUST milk!" Haibara begged to disagree. She explained logically. "This is the milk
hakase and I will be drinking for this week! The decision on which milk to buy is very crucial, you know! What we will be drinking everyday, putting on our cereal, really lies on my decision on which of these two cartons of milk will I buy! Milk is very important; it gives us calcium and so much more!! So…I have to choose properly, be patient! The key to a good grocery shopping is taking your time, never rush."
Conan sighed and asked her casually. "So…do you shop LIKE THIS every time you go grocery shopping??"
"What to you mean by LIKE THIS?" Haibara asked suspiciously and she raised a brow. "Does that have a bad connotation to it?"
"N…No! Of course not! What I meant by LIKE THIS is that you read all the ingredients and compare the prices and decide for a very long period of time. So…do you? Do you always shop this way?" Conan asked, hoping that she'd say no, so that she still would be considered normal and under the sane category.
"Yeah." She answered and smiled. "I do."
Conan laughed nervously and turned around for a moment, twisting his lips into a frown.
Uh-oh. Conan gulped and thought. She ISN'T normal, let alone sane. Yup, Haibara's officially gone overboard, she'd gone loco. She's definitely under the INSANE category now. Haibara is a wacko, brainless machine!! I mean, WHAT ON EARTH?? What kind of NORMAL human being takes THIS long to buy milk? She's acting like a total robotic freak!
She does this…what…ALL THE TIME? Oh God! So this is what hakase meant one time by- 'Trust me, Shinichi-kun, you wouldn't want to go grocery shopping with her. You'll go crazy.' I should have listened to Agasa hakase's warning! Well, literally, I DID listen to his warning, I just didn't follow it. Sighs…so THIS is why Agasa hakase NEVER go shopping with Haibara-san.
Conan was very irritated already. It took Haibara 40 minutes to choose between 5 kinds of muffin to buy for the professor, reading all the ingredients first, looking at the expiration date and comparing the prices. She had a hard time deciding just which muffin to buy! And, at the end of 40 minutes, she ended up not buying any muffin at all! She said that muffins are not essential in one's life.
Ughh……she is NOT cute at all. Conan thought, placing his palm over his forehead as a sign of frustration, shaking his head in response to Haibara's odd behavior.
Then, it took her 50 minutes to choose between apple juice, mango juice and tomato juice. She said that choosing a bottle of juice is very important. Oh…how pathetic of her. At the end, she chose the tomato juice, which for me, is not exactly the nicest thing you would like to drink when you are thirsty.
Tomato juice is just nasty, it taste like…like…TOMATO. Well, Conan particularly does not like tomato. Conan would have chosen mango, but…NOOOO…… Haibara said that mango juice can cause hyperacidity when drunk at night while the apple juice was too expensive. And, by what she meant, 'too expensive', she really meant 2 yen more expensive than the other juices ONLY, I mean, COME ON, give me a BREAK! She was too much, and now, it's taking her ages choosing a carton of milk between two cartons of milk!! Conan was pissed off.
"Haibara, just pick one of them why don't you?!" Conan told her, exasperated.
"I can't just PICK one of them, I have to choose carefully, just like the paths that we choose in our journey in life." Haibara explained, raising he index finger.
"Oh, COME ON, Haibara!! You cannot be serious! Milk is JUST milk, okay? It's not like a path to life or something weird you just said……I think……I don't…get you…ARGH!! I can't take you anymore!! You're taking forever, Haibara!!" He yelled.
Haibara blinked. She was speechless.
"Haibara, just let me pick one, okay?" Conan sighed. He took a bottle of melon-flavored milk. "Why not try this?" He suggested.
"What's your basis in choosing that bottle of milk, Kudo? Do you know that cartons are cheaper than bottles of milk?" She pointed out.
"Oh, Haibara. It's just 5 yen more." He whined, scratching his head. "It's no big deal."
"For poor people in Africa it is!" Haibara reminded him. "Do you know that they are very poor and that 5 yen means a lot to them?" She told him. "We must value money, Kudo!"
"Okay…" Conan said slowly, dragging his words. "…if price is so important to you, then, why don't you just buy the cheaper milk?" Conan asked, raising a brow.
"The cheaper milk is the vanilla-flavored one, but then, it has 2 less fat." She said. "The chocolate one which is 1 yen more expensive has 2.6 less fat. I always choose the least fat because the last time I checked hakase's blood, he had too much glucose and fat in his body, and that's why I want to buy the chocolate, since it has 2.6 less fat."
"Then, why don't you buy the chocolate milk then?" Conan asked, becoming more confused.
"That's the problem. The chocolate milk is healthier for hakase, but then, the vanilla is cheaper. Plus, the expiration of the chocolate is one day earlier than the vanilla. Oh……which one should I buy? I'm so confused with this milk crisis!" Haibara complained.
"Milk crisis?" Conan released a light laugh. "You know, you're really a smart person, Haibara, but when you start acting like this, you look dumb, no offense. I'm really the one getting confused here, you know." Conan told her.
Haibara frowned. "Then, what should I buy?"
"You don't have to be so strict with yourself in shopping for grocery items. It really doesn't matter which one you buy, you just buy which you FEEL like buying. You just have fun when you shop and just buy what you feel like is better. You don't need to be so precise, Haibara, its just food." He said. "Just, pick one. As what I've been saying since an hour and a half ago, you don't have to think, just…just close your eyes and pick one."
"Then, which one should I buy?" Haibara asked, sounding desperate.
"I told you already…" Conan smiled and advised. "……just close your eyes and pick one."
And so she did.
And that's what she decided to do from now on.
Kills time.
Weird, isn't it?
Well, at least that's beats spending 40 minutes choosing a muffin and ending up with no muffin at all. Or, choosing a bottle of juice for 50 minutes and at the end choosing the not-so-delicious one, and using up so much time and argument just for one stupid carton of milk! Closing your eyes and picking is definitely a better option. That's not exactly what Conan would call normal, but, it's not as weird as her previous method. At least you wouldn't waste time.
And as for the milk…Haibara ended up choosing none of the three. She chose Soya milk. And, GET THIS, Haibara DIDN'T read the ingredients of the Soya milk; she just randomly picked it with her eyes closed! She didn't even know what kind of milk she had chosen before it was laid down the counter, but…Conan knew, of course. And he smiled. He approved of Soya. Conan likes Soya milk. How great is THAT?! Conan would definitely agree that she improved in her shopping ways (LAUGHS), yup, she did. And, he was glad.
-
The day after that…………………
"I really hate you, Kudo! This would never have happened to hakase and me if I didn't take your stupid advice! This never happened to us whenever I went grocery shopping. SURE……it may take some time, but, at least we never get THIS!!" She screamed. "I hate you!"
Haibara yelled from her bed, moaning in stomach pain.
"I'm sorry, Haibara." Conan said with his cute apologetic eyes. "I'm REALLY REALLY sorry."
"Those eyes won't work on me, got it?!"
Haibara snapped at him, causing him to flinch.
"Since this is your entire fault, you'll be taking care of hakase and me until we get well!!"
"Aw man." Conan groaned.
"Now, Kudo, get me another glass of water." She ordered with suppressed pain in her voice.
Conan nodded and went to prepare her a warm glass of water. Warm water will be good for her upset stomach, and maybe he should make one for hakase as well.
Beside Haibara's bed, there was a big bucket filled with puke and vomit which reeked.
P.S. - Flies and worms hovered around the bucket of throw up, and it was yellowish-green.
After Conan gave the warm water to Haibara, she told him.
"Thanks. Um…can you dispose of that bucket of vomit over there? It stinks in here! Not to mention it's beside me!" She said to him, feeling very disgusted of her own request, but, was glad that stupid idiot Kudo-kun would suffer all that disgust. She smiled naughtily but acted innocently. "And…can you also please wash the stained with vomit clothes and bedspreads of hakase? Hakase really doesn't know how to shoot his vomit properly into the bucket. Well, at least I'm a pretty neat person and all my vomit is in that bucket. All you have to do is to throw it on the toilet bowl, but, well…I guess you have to really clean up his clothes and bed sheets, pillows, the floor even, hmmm……his socks…"
"Okay! Okay! Stop it! I get what you're telling me to do!" Conan screamed, all grossed out.
Haibara smirked, enjoying his disgusted face.
"You're really mean, you know that." Conan told her after seeing her smirk like that.
"Yeah, I know. I'm good at being mean…ah……ack…" Haibara suddenly clutched her stomach.
"You alright?" Conan asked worriedly, approaching her.
Haibara gave a small smile and nodded. "I…I'm fine…ack…ouch…ah…" She moaned in pain.
Agasa hakase rose up from bed and ran to the toilet. This was the twenty-second time this morning that hakase went to the toilet.
A flush from the CR was heard.
"Ah…that feels better." Agasa hakase told them after coming out the toilet for the twenty-second time already, caressing his stomach, smiling while walking towards his bed.
Suddenly right after Agasa hakase got out of the toilet…
"Ouch…" Haibara gasped. She quickly got out of bed and ran to the toilet. "I need to go…"
This was the fifteenth time that Haibara went to the toilet this morning.
They heard a flush again.
Haibara sleepily went out of the toilet, rubbing her eyes, she headed for the bed.
"Success?" Conan asked her after she came out of the toilet, as he controlled a snort in his question.
Haibara looked at him and gave him a small smile and she nodded.
"Must be tough for both of you having gastroenteritis, huh?" Conan asked sarcastically.
A/N: Trivia- Gastroenteritis is an illness of influenza and diarrhea.
"You think?" Haibara retorted more sarcasm in her tone, clutching her stomach.
"Hey, it's time for your temperature check, Haibara, hakase." Conan reminded them, getting the two digital thermometers from hakase's drawer.
-
"Hakase, you only have a slight fever, that's good. You're recovering." Conan smiled at hakase after reading his temperature.
Conan took the digital thermometer out of Haibara's ear and read the numbers. He frowned.
"Haibara……" He dragged his words. "You're not getting better! Your temperature is currently 39.8 degrees! That is very high!" Conan touched Haibara's forehead. "This is not good. Did you drink your medicine on time or not?"
Haibara struggled to open her drowsy eyes, focus her look on him and gave a sheepish smile.
"Well…MAYBE I forgot to take one this morning?" She asked, emphasizing the word 'maybe' in her tone, still sounding innocent.
Conan's temper rose as he slammed his palms on her bedside. He was so worried for her.
"HAIBARA!! You MAYBE forgot?! What the hell do you mean by MAYBE, huh?!"
Conan rushed to the drawer, frantically finding her fever medicine tablet and gave it to her quickly.
"Here, take it!" He ordered her while reaching out to her the tablet and a glass of warm water.
Haibara nodded and drank the tablet and smiled. "Thank you, Kudo-kun."
Then, she fell asleep.
Conan smiled at the sleeping Haibara.
"You WERE right, Haibara, and you still ARE, you ARE always right. You were never wrong."
Conan thought while smiling at her sleeping figure.
"The key to a good grocery shopping is taking your time, never rush."
-
It turns out that the Soya milk was expired two weeks ago.
The End
Time Started: Friday April 18, 2008 3:40 pm
Time Finished: Saturday April 19, 2008 1:00 pm
Time Finalized: Sunday April 20, 2008 11:43 am
A/N: Hehe. Well, it wasn't as short as what I expected, AGAIN. That's it, my goal is writing a super short story and that's that. I thought I had succeeded, but……NOOOO…… this story HAD to reach 6 pages! Oh well, at least I finished it quickly, right? This was the first story that I wrote that only took two days, frankly, if I had been more serious, I could have finished this in about 3 hours. Sighs… I'm gonna make another story, AGAIN. And THIS time, nothing is holding me back from writing the shortest story mankind has ever made!! Well, actually, I have two goals, to write the shortest story ever and to write a very long story that could reach 200 pages. Honestly, none of those dreams of mine are coming true, actually. My stories are about ten pages to twenty pages. I could never make a one page, nor could I make a 200 pages story. But…I MUST try! Thanks for your support, all!! Bye for now! I hope you still enjoyed even IF it wasn't really my best.
P.S. -I hate this A/N. Tsk…tsk…tsk…to myself. This is way too long. Ugh… SORRY!