~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
Hey everybody! So this story used to be written by me and smile1, but unfortunately smile1 doesn't have enough time to finish it so I'll be putting it up on my account and I will finish it on my own. Smile1 has written the 2nd and 3rd chapter for which I'm very grateful! Thank you girl!
Here's an A/N from smile1:
*A/N: Hey! :-) Now, when we started this story we had an entire plan, who was going to write which chapter etc. But unfortunately I kinda ruined the plan, cause I decided to stop writing this story. I don't have enough time to work one more than one or two stories and I feel that miarae can write these kind of stories better than I can. Her writing is much more dark and intriguing, so I'm sure this story is better off without me. I'm looking forward to the next chapters, cause I will R&R them from now on. I wish miarae lots of luck, although she probably won't need it.
*~*~*:-)*~*~*Bye, smile1 :-)
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
have fun reading!
~~**~~~SUBMISSION~~**~~
Chapter 1
Big. That's the first word that came to mind when I saw Yale. So big I wanted to drive back to Stars Hollow and hide under my blankets for one moment. But I put on my brave face, trying to make my mom proud. I knew it would be hard for her that I was moving out, so I didn't want to make it worse by complaining about being homesick.
Seeing them move in everything from my old home into that unknown chamber made me feel so alienated. Soon everybody would go home and I would be here in a room that looked like my old room but wasn't.
My mom slipped some money into my hand before pulling me into a big hug. I knew how she felt, cause I felt the same feelings. Loneliness. Angst. I was scared that I would be lonely...that I wouldn't meet any nice people...or that I would fail. My mother was scared to lose me, and no matter how many times I promised I'd call her everyday...I couldn't take her fear away.
After a few hours alonetime with my mom it was finally time for her to go back home. She asked me if she wanted me to stay...I knew she had her sleepingbag in the back of the jeep just in case. I took a deep breath and shook my head. It was time I did it on my own. Time for Rory Gilmore to grow up.
The first couple of days were really awkward. I was getting to know my roommate, Tanna, which went surprisingly well. It turned out we liked the same things, books, rockmusic and stuff like that. We soon found ourselves talking about everything...she asked me how many boyfriends I had had, on which I replied that there had just been Dean, with whom I had broken up two months before moving to Yale. It was another thing we had in common. Tanna had had a boyfriend too, Tyler, with whom she had broken up just two weeks before college started. She admitted to me that she missed him so much that sometimes she felt like she couldn't breath.
I was glad I had her. Cause I had to admit...Yale wasn't all it's cracked up to be. It was a lot more of the same. Homework...a lot of people that didn't take time to notice me and a lot of boring lessons. Most of the time I spent in my room, working on essays and writing papers. I didn't have time to enjoy that `wild collegelife` that mom kept warning me for. Sometimes I wondered if I was missing out on my youth...if there were really people there that could just say `no more homework...I'm done for today` and dress up and party.
I knew I wanted to sometimes. But I was too scared that I would fail. I already noticed that my grades were lower than the ones I had achieved at Chilton. And even when I had to work hard on Chilton I still had time to do other things. But I have to work so hard here that sometimes I feel myself getting up early in the morning, just to do more homework.
Coffee became my lifesaver...even more than it had been back in Stars Hollow. Ah...Stars Hollow...with it's simple people and simple life...like my mother would put it. I longed to be back there so much that sometimes it took all my strength to keep from crying. I called my mother as often as possible, but usually it wouldn't be more often than one or two times a week.
She spent a lot of time with Luke, and the remaining time she was working at the Dragonfly Inn. I knew she missed me as much as I missed her. And part of me screamed that it wasn't fair. She had everybody...she didn't have to move to an unknown place...with weird people and streets you could actually get lost in. I missed my hometown...with all it's weird inhabitants.
Some days my mothers phonecalls would cheer me up. I could laugh about Kirk sleeping outside cause of his cat, loving the bantering that went on between Taylor and Luke.
And some days it would make me so sad. Nothing had really changed when I had left. It was like they didn't miss me at all. Or need me.
I knew I couldn't give in to these feelings, so I tried to stay strong and focused. I worked harder and harder after every phonecall, and Tanna used to pull me away from my books, placed me in front of the tv and made me watch stupid movies. It used to help, until I remembered that I had spent so many nights with my mother like this. Just watching movies, eating icecream and mocking everything. But still, I was grateful for her company.
So maybe part of it was my fault.
Maybe I shouldn't have focused entirely on Tanna. I should have gone out more, talked to other people.
Cause she left.
Tanna, my dear and only friend, left.
I woke up one morning to find her packing her stuff. At first I thought she was going home for the holidays, but then I found out that there was nothing left behind. She told me with tears in her eyes that she had decided to stop.
I felt myself starting to panic. How would I go on without her? How would I be able to stop studying? Have some fun?
I can still remember how I felt when I was watching her.
~~FLASHBACK~~
"Where are you going?"
Tanna looked up at me with red puffy eyes.
"I'm sorry Rory"
I immediately stood up from the bed and wrapped my arms around her. She started crying and I just held her. Thoughts were racing in my mind...trying to find the reason why she was so sad.
She slightly pushed me away from herself and looked into my eyes.
"I'm gonna miss you Ror"
She hugged me before turning around and putting more stuff in her bag.
I didn't understand and sank down on my bed again.
"Why are you going?"
She didn't look at me, just continued packing while her soft monotone voice filled my ears and drowned out all my thoughts or emotions.
"I miss Tyler...and this life just isn't meant to be for me. I'm not like you Rory. I can't work and work and work and not break down."
With that she hugged me again and left the room. No goodbye, no I'll-write- you-soon. I felt empty and abandoned.
And worse.
I felt not like me.
Cause I wasn't like me. I wasn't like that girl she described. I wasn't the kind of girl that could just keep going and going and going...I needed support too. I needed peace of mind...I needed friend to talk to. And now my only friend had left.
~~END FLASHBACK~~
I remember walking around campus feeling dazed. People were talking about me, cause I was walking around in my penguinpyjama's with my bearslippers, but I didn't even notice. There weren't any thoughts in my head. Well...I had a lot of thoughts, but they were whirling around in my head...pushing eachother out of the way before I realized I was actually having one. It wasn't until the churchbell rang twelve times that I snapped out of it.
I was soaking wet. I hadn't even registered that it had started to rain. Slowly I made my way to my room, which would be empty from now on. I didn't even have the strength to strip off my clothes and just fell down on Tanna's bed. Raindrops mixed with tears on my cheeks, slowly making their way down to the empty bed.
I felt so alone.
After crying my eyes out for about an hour I wiped my wet cheeks and decided it was time to call my mother.
~~**~~
"Gilmore's house of whores..."
I smiled despite the circumstances. My mom was always so weird...but that's what I liked about her.
"Hey mom..."
"Sweets!"
I heard my mom stumbling over something and could distinguish a muffled `auch`. For a moment all went silent, but then she picked up the phone again and I heard her voice loud and clear.
"How are you?"
I could still vaguely distinguish sounds from the background...a sort of thud...probably my mother bumping her toe into the table...she always did that.
"Tanna left"
I didn't mean to blurt it out so sudden but it just happened. Immediately tears formed in my eyes again.
"Oh baby..."
My mothers voice sounded sweet and soothing and for a moment I wished I really was a baby. That I could just close my eyes and pretend the world was a safe place as long as I was in my mothers arms.
I had wanted to talk to her like forever, but unfortunately she had to leave the house after five minutes and I was left alone once again.
Deciding it had been enough I got dressed and left. Maybe I was still in time for some classes. Whenever I arrived at the classroom however it had been locked, something that was always done when you were over ten minutes late.
Realizing that this was just not meant to be my lucky day I went back to my room, to spend another afternoon studying.
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
A/N: So...how did you guys like it? Please review!
Hey everybody! So this story used to be written by me and smile1, but unfortunately smile1 doesn't have enough time to finish it so I'll be putting it up on my account and I will finish it on my own. Smile1 has written the 2nd and 3rd chapter for which I'm very grateful! Thank you girl!
Here's an A/N from smile1:
*A/N: Hey! :-) Now, when we started this story we had an entire plan, who was going to write which chapter etc. But unfortunately I kinda ruined the plan, cause I decided to stop writing this story. I don't have enough time to work one more than one or two stories and I feel that miarae can write these kind of stories better than I can. Her writing is much more dark and intriguing, so I'm sure this story is better off without me. I'm looking forward to the next chapters, cause I will R&R them from now on. I wish miarae lots of luck, although she probably won't need it.
*~*~*:-)*~*~*Bye, smile1 :-)
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
have fun reading!
~~**~~~SUBMISSION~~**~~
Chapter 1
Big. That's the first word that came to mind when I saw Yale. So big I wanted to drive back to Stars Hollow and hide under my blankets for one moment. But I put on my brave face, trying to make my mom proud. I knew it would be hard for her that I was moving out, so I didn't want to make it worse by complaining about being homesick.
Seeing them move in everything from my old home into that unknown chamber made me feel so alienated. Soon everybody would go home and I would be here in a room that looked like my old room but wasn't.
My mom slipped some money into my hand before pulling me into a big hug. I knew how she felt, cause I felt the same feelings. Loneliness. Angst. I was scared that I would be lonely...that I wouldn't meet any nice people...or that I would fail. My mother was scared to lose me, and no matter how many times I promised I'd call her everyday...I couldn't take her fear away.
After a few hours alonetime with my mom it was finally time for her to go back home. She asked me if she wanted me to stay...I knew she had her sleepingbag in the back of the jeep just in case. I took a deep breath and shook my head. It was time I did it on my own. Time for Rory Gilmore to grow up.
The first couple of days were really awkward. I was getting to know my roommate, Tanna, which went surprisingly well. It turned out we liked the same things, books, rockmusic and stuff like that. We soon found ourselves talking about everything...she asked me how many boyfriends I had had, on which I replied that there had just been Dean, with whom I had broken up two months before moving to Yale. It was another thing we had in common. Tanna had had a boyfriend too, Tyler, with whom she had broken up just two weeks before college started. She admitted to me that she missed him so much that sometimes she felt like she couldn't breath.
I was glad I had her. Cause I had to admit...Yale wasn't all it's cracked up to be. It was a lot more of the same. Homework...a lot of people that didn't take time to notice me and a lot of boring lessons. Most of the time I spent in my room, working on essays and writing papers. I didn't have time to enjoy that `wild collegelife` that mom kept warning me for. Sometimes I wondered if I was missing out on my youth...if there were really people there that could just say `no more homework...I'm done for today` and dress up and party.
I knew I wanted to sometimes. But I was too scared that I would fail. I already noticed that my grades were lower than the ones I had achieved at Chilton. And even when I had to work hard on Chilton I still had time to do other things. But I have to work so hard here that sometimes I feel myself getting up early in the morning, just to do more homework.
Coffee became my lifesaver...even more than it had been back in Stars Hollow. Ah...Stars Hollow...with it's simple people and simple life...like my mother would put it. I longed to be back there so much that sometimes it took all my strength to keep from crying. I called my mother as often as possible, but usually it wouldn't be more often than one or two times a week.
She spent a lot of time with Luke, and the remaining time she was working at the Dragonfly Inn. I knew she missed me as much as I missed her. And part of me screamed that it wasn't fair. She had everybody...she didn't have to move to an unknown place...with weird people and streets you could actually get lost in. I missed my hometown...with all it's weird inhabitants.
Some days my mothers phonecalls would cheer me up. I could laugh about Kirk sleeping outside cause of his cat, loving the bantering that went on between Taylor and Luke.
And some days it would make me so sad. Nothing had really changed when I had left. It was like they didn't miss me at all. Or need me.
I knew I couldn't give in to these feelings, so I tried to stay strong and focused. I worked harder and harder after every phonecall, and Tanna used to pull me away from my books, placed me in front of the tv and made me watch stupid movies. It used to help, until I remembered that I had spent so many nights with my mother like this. Just watching movies, eating icecream and mocking everything. But still, I was grateful for her company.
So maybe part of it was my fault.
Maybe I shouldn't have focused entirely on Tanna. I should have gone out more, talked to other people.
Cause she left.
Tanna, my dear and only friend, left.
I woke up one morning to find her packing her stuff. At first I thought she was going home for the holidays, but then I found out that there was nothing left behind. She told me with tears in her eyes that she had decided to stop.
I felt myself starting to panic. How would I go on without her? How would I be able to stop studying? Have some fun?
I can still remember how I felt when I was watching her.
~~FLASHBACK~~
"Where are you going?"
Tanna looked up at me with red puffy eyes.
"I'm sorry Rory"
I immediately stood up from the bed and wrapped my arms around her. She started crying and I just held her. Thoughts were racing in my mind...trying to find the reason why she was so sad.
She slightly pushed me away from herself and looked into my eyes.
"I'm gonna miss you Ror"
She hugged me before turning around and putting more stuff in her bag.
I didn't understand and sank down on my bed again.
"Why are you going?"
She didn't look at me, just continued packing while her soft monotone voice filled my ears and drowned out all my thoughts or emotions.
"I miss Tyler...and this life just isn't meant to be for me. I'm not like you Rory. I can't work and work and work and not break down."
With that she hugged me again and left the room. No goodbye, no I'll-write- you-soon. I felt empty and abandoned.
And worse.
I felt not like me.
Cause I wasn't like me. I wasn't like that girl she described. I wasn't the kind of girl that could just keep going and going and going...I needed support too. I needed peace of mind...I needed friend to talk to. And now my only friend had left.
~~END FLASHBACK~~
I remember walking around campus feeling dazed. People were talking about me, cause I was walking around in my penguinpyjama's with my bearslippers, but I didn't even notice. There weren't any thoughts in my head. Well...I had a lot of thoughts, but they were whirling around in my head...pushing eachother out of the way before I realized I was actually having one. It wasn't until the churchbell rang twelve times that I snapped out of it.
I was soaking wet. I hadn't even registered that it had started to rain. Slowly I made my way to my room, which would be empty from now on. I didn't even have the strength to strip off my clothes and just fell down on Tanna's bed. Raindrops mixed with tears on my cheeks, slowly making their way down to the empty bed.
I felt so alone.
After crying my eyes out for about an hour I wiped my wet cheeks and decided it was time to call my mother.
~~**~~
"Gilmore's house of whores..."
I smiled despite the circumstances. My mom was always so weird...but that's what I liked about her.
"Hey mom..."
"Sweets!"
I heard my mom stumbling over something and could distinguish a muffled `auch`. For a moment all went silent, but then she picked up the phone again and I heard her voice loud and clear.
"How are you?"
I could still vaguely distinguish sounds from the background...a sort of thud...probably my mother bumping her toe into the table...she always did that.
"Tanna left"
I didn't mean to blurt it out so sudden but it just happened. Immediately tears formed in my eyes again.
"Oh baby..."
My mothers voice sounded sweet and soothing and for a moment I wished I really was a baby. That I could just close my eyes and pretend the world was a safe place as long as I was in my mothers arms.
I had wanted to talk to her like forever, but unfortunately she had to leave the house after five minutes and I was left alone once again.
Deciding it had been enough I got dressed and left. Maybe I was still in time for some classes. Whenever I arrived at the classroom however it had been locked, something that was always done when you were over ten minutes late.
Realizing that this was just not meant to be my lucky day I went back to my room, to spend another afternoon studying.
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
A/N: So...how did you guys like it? Please review!