"Goofy…" Mickey said sadly to Goofy as he stood on the edge of a cliff. "I… I just can't do it anymore."
"Gorsh, Mickey, you can't do that!" Goofy shouted, concerned. "You have some much to live for!"
"I… I know we have all this money from Disney, but… but…"
"Mickey, what is it? Please, I'm here to help!"
"It's just that… you stole my fucking lasagna!"
It was at this moment that Goofy knew he had fucked up. Not only did he still his best friend's lasagna, but he stole lasagna. He thought about what he had done. Suddenly, they were transported into epic flashback land.
"Oh boy, lasagna!" Mickey shouted as he was about to dig into his lasagna with a spoon.
"Gorsh, Mickey, that lasagna looks pretty tasty!" Goofy said as he walked in the room.
"Yeah, well it's mine. You can't have it."
"Come on, not even a little?"
"Goofy, you don't get it, this lasagna is the cure to my-"
"Well fuck you too, Mickey! I can't believe you would be so selfish! Looks like the fame, money and bitches finally got to your head!"
"Goofy. I have t-"
Before Mickey could finish, Goofy snatched Mickey's lasagna and said, "Guess I'll be taking the whole thing, then."
"Mickey, I could buy you a new one!" Goofy suggested.
"You don't get it, Goofy," Mickey replied. "That lasagna was the only cure to my tuberculosis!"
"Oh, fuck!" Goofy shouted!
"My grandma made that! She makes the most wonderful food ever! So wonderful, it can cure whichever disease she chooses!"
"You… you should've told me, Mickey!"
"I tried to, but you wouldn't fucking listen!"
"But Mickey-"
"You know what else you stole? My Sprite! I was gonna drink that so I could cure my AIDS. I have fucking leprosy, Goofy, what do you think that sandwich was for?"
"Mickey… if you die… I don't know how I'll continue! To live my whole life knowing I was the cause of my best friend's death…"
"Oh, I'm fully aware of that. Which is why I'm taking you with me!"
"Oh, fuck!"
Mickey grabbed onto Goofy and pulled him off the edge of the cliff with him. It felt like the cliff was endless, so Goofy decided to speak up.
"Mickey, if your grandma made the lasagna, don't you think she could make some more?"
"Goofy, you prick! She died last year!" Mickey shouted in response.
"Well Mickey, she may no longer be on this planet, but she still lives on in your heart."
There was silence for a bit as they both thought about how fucking gay that sounds. Suddenly though, Mickey's grandma fucking comes out of his heart.
"Oh Jesus Christ!" Mickey shouted off the top of his lungs.
"Mickey, what the fuck is happening?" Grandma Mouse asked.
"No time to explain, make me some lasagna!"
"On it!"
In no time at all, Grandma Mouse makes the perfect lasagna. Mickey gulps it down in one bite.
"Well, you have fun bungee jumping… without a cord- yeah you're fucked, bye."
"Well Mickey, you really fucked everything up, didn't you?"
"It's okay Goofy, my tuberculosis is gone!"
"Oh, Mickey. How naive. You spent so much time trying to cure your tuberculosis that you never stopped to think about how to cure death."
Immediately after Goofy said that, Mickey fell face first into a sharp-ass branch, as it pierced through his mouth down his body until he was at the beginning of the branch. Meanwhile, with Goofy, he falls on his back on a rock, as he cracks his spine open, letting it stick out of his body like an erection, but a lot deadlier.
Needless to say, they're fucking dead.