A Pain in the Ass, Part 1
Bones and Booth are arriving at what first appears to be a burglary scene- A bookcase has been knocked over, the back yard window is broken and objects have been scattered around the room and on the floor. Other investigators are already at the scene taking photographs, dusting for fingerprints and collecting evidence.
BOOTH
The owner hasn't been seen or heard from in five days. Since he hadn't been showing up to work, a couple of his coworkers said they came to check up on him this morning and found the house like this.
INVESTIGATOR
There was a body found in the bathroom.
Opening credits roll.
INVESTIGATOR
The body didn't belong to the owner of the house. It's already been taken down for identification and autopsy.
BOOTH
Any idea what killed him?
INVESTIGATOR
No, the cause of death was not apparent. There were no visible wounds or signs of trauma.
Booth lights his pipe and starts searching the living room for clues with his magnifying glass. Another investigator pulls back the sofa and motions them over. Bones and Booth look behind the sofa and see a large dark stain on the carpet. Bones cuts out a few carpet fibers and places them into a small vial along with a pink liquid.
BONES
I'm using phenolphthalein. It's a chemical indicator that will tell us if it's blood.
BOOTH
I know that. You don't have to explain everything me.
BONES
I'm not explaining it to you, Booth. I'm explaining it to them.
Bones motions to the camera behind Booth. Booth turns around to look. Booth's cell phone rings and he steps away to answer. Bones watches the solution as it turns from pink to clear. She gets on her hands and knees and smells the stain. Then she looks up at the other investigator.
BONES
Cherry limeade.
BOOTH
They found him. He was rushed to the emergency room last night.
The scene cuts to the hospital where Booth and Bones are talking to a doctor.
DOCTOR
I'm afraid you'll have to wait. Mr. Thormund just went into surgery. Highly unusual. They're attempting to remove a pineapple which evidently was forcefully inserted into his lower large intestine.
BOOTH
You mean… He had a pineapple shoved up his bunghole?
BONES
Rectum.
DOCTOR
Rectum? Damn near killed him! He's suffering internal bleeding and intestinal blockage.
BOOTH
How did he get to the emergency room?
DOCTOR
The park police found him last night near the Washington Monument and called an ambulance. I'm afraid that's all I know right now. You can speak to Mr. Thormund when he's recovered from the anesthesia- if he makes it. I'll call you if I find out anything new.
The scene cuts to Bone and Booth who are now back at the Jeffersonian with the rest of the team.
BLACK CHICK
We've ID'ed the victim. His fingerprints were in the database. William Hughes from Austin, Texas. We did background checks on both him and the owner of the house. Up until now, they've never even been in the same state. We searched their e-mail, myspace, internet activity, phone call logs. We can't find any connection at all between these guys.
WHITE AFRO GUY
I've analyzed the mud on the victim's shoes. The levels of boron and phosphorus are signature of a type of soil only found in the DC area.
BOOTH
Well that means he must have been in Washington then! Case frickin closed! Thanks a lot, Sherlock!
Booth picks up a microscope and throws it at White Afro Guy, narrowly missing his head. White Afro Guy looks angrily at Booth for a second before leaving the room.
BOOTH
Man, what a useless guy to have on the team. At least tell me you've determined the cause of death.
BLACK CHICK
Medically, he was completely healthy. For reasons I can't explain, he died. I don't know why. He seems to have lost the will to live.
BOOTH
Great.
Booth opens a jar, grabs a handful of gel and puts it in his hair. He storms out the door with Bones following him.
The next scene shows Bones and Booth back at the crime scene talking to a police officer.
OFFICER
We've spoken with all of the neighbors. Nobody has seen or heard anything. They said Ray is extremely reclusive, so we have no idea when he disappeared.
Bones and Booth go into the house to search for clues.
BOOTH
Bones, nothing here is making any sense and we have no clues.
BONES
Don't worry. We'll get a lead.
The officer enters the house.
OFFICER
Good news. A lost wallet was turned into the station. It belonged to the dead guy.
At the police station, Booth picks up the wallet, opens it, and takes out two tickets.
BOOTH
"Fruit Play." What is that?
OFFICER
Oh, well that was that fruit fetish convention that was in town a few days ago.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion of Bones!