Disclaimer:

I do not own final fantasy 7 or its characters. And I do not make money from this fanfiction.

Warnings:

Some swearing, sexual innuendo, and sarcasm…. That's all for now.

Coffee Kills

~Chapter 1~

Reno burst loudly into the office. His long free arm flailing as he sat a cup down on his desk in a huff.

"I need to lay off this stuff, Yo." Reno leaned on his desk turning his head and speaking in the general direction of his partner.

Rude had the knack of ignoring him down to a charm. He kept his shades on, even when they were in the office. Reno couldn't tell when he was paying attention or staring off in the distance. 'just shrug and nod.' He told himself like usual. He really did have a soft spot in his heart for his partner, he had to. They were closer than brothers. They'd grown as Turks and as men since they'd been partnered together for so long.

The tall and dark man raised an eyebrow at Reno. 'What is he trying now… lets humor him again.'

"Yes Reno?" Rude asked clenching his jaw slightly.

"Coffee, partner… Junon Tea… Black Elixer! What else!" He rolled his eyes and his head followed, then went to pacing in front of his desk.

"Of course." Rude said solemnly. 'Goddess, here we go again.'

"I mean seriously, this stuff is trying to kill me." Reno threw his hands up in the air like everyone should know that the all out desire of coffee was to kill. "Remember the time I got whacked on the head after that 24 hour shift in sector 8… jus' trying to get to the coffee machine. The damn shelf of condiments fell on my head, Yo!"

Rude grunted. He was already calculating this week's paycheck. 'I wonder if I can afford to buy a new invisible ear piece for my radio…'

"This time was even WORSE! It is bad luck! And I don't even believe in bad luck, but still!" Reno kept going. "I've got a big, big, Huge problem partner…" Reno ended in Rude's face.

"yes, what's that Reno?" Rude tipped his face at Reno. He could feel the headache already returning.

"I got Tseng mad, Yo." Reno went silent and the message took a new significance.

Rude's interest was finally perked. He knew ALL the nuances of Reno's language. Getting Tseng mad was ALWAYS a joyous matter. Reno seemed to live for his job, bad vices, video games, and getting Tseng angry.

It was no secret to most of the people in this building, or any of the Turks, that Reno's obsession with angering Tseng went wayyy farther than being an irritable flake on the boss' shoulder. No, Reno tried to be a constant tease to the man. His crush on the normally stoic, and handsome man was as clear as glass to everyone. And no matter what Reno did, it never made Tseng even tick at him, minus his anger in regards to efficiency with assignments and respect to Shinra property… which Reno had NONE of.

Yes, this definitely had Rude's interests now. He sat back and crossed his legs on the top of his desk. "Go on"

"Ya see… I was in the break room and…………………………

~~~ Earlier in the breakroom~~~

"Mmm… Gotta love that smell… thank Goddess." Reno said aloud to no one. He'd come to work that morning with having absolutely no coffee in his veins yet, huge mistake.

Thankfully the first place that he could come to after coming in was the honorable break room. Reno practically worshiped this place, or rather, it's free endless supply of coffee. Many a morning's it had been his saving grace. Goddess, He'd probably annoy rude to DEATH if he didn't get his regular fix of the stuff. Not only annoy him, but chew his head off if he even looked at Reno wrong.

Reno found his mornings so much harder recently; there'd been no new jobs, no action on or off the field. Reno's life was dead. And his love life was too, not that the last couple of relationships had been much more than a romp in the sack for a few nights and a disheartened 'see ya'round' when it was done.

Where his love life lacked, usually the field excelled. But even that was completely dry. He and rude had been sitting in the office, or supposed to be, day in and day out. He'd tried hard to find ways to entertain himself. He'd picked on Rude. Made jokes to Rude. Told stories to Rude. Tried to get Rude to play cards with him. Played solitaire, and couldn't figure out the point of the game.

Then he'd moved onto the adjoining rooms, but met with less than sympathetic ears and very politely was told to fuck off. People sure were rude, and had such filthy mouths for being in a workplace. They'd been politely rebuffed as well, with a curt 'thanks a lot, fuckers'

So Reno moved onto the one thing that always brought pleasure, or at least the idea of it gave him pleasure. The outcome thus far had been less than successful. But fuck it, he was irritable, bored, and sexually frustrated. Not a pretty mix in the teenage-hearted Turk with red hair, and an attitude to match. Next target, boss man.

This also Reno had failed at, miserably. Tseng wouldn't even hear out his complaints this time as he normally did. He interrupted Reno before he even made it midstream, which was pretty quick that he usually reached that mark. He'd shot Reno's hopes down faster than a chocobo trying to fly. Not even getting to tease the boss, even if Tseng didn't give the reaction he hoped for, or Any reaction sometimes, just getting to complete his aim of telling a lewd joke, or making some off color comment about how Reno hated his uniform, and how he wanted to strip then and there. Or make some other mention of a sexual nature, was usually good enough.

But for all his big talk, Reno was really a kitten underneath it all. He had the heart of a warrior when it was needed, and fought his battles as such. He took his job VERY seriously, even though he gave off the attitude of aloofness. He appreciated the responsibility on his shoulders when he was acting as a Turk, even with their off color, bad rap that they'd been given, they had a LOT of responsibility. And every single Turk took that very serious. But Reno wasn't 2nd in command for no reason, he'd earned that ranking.

All the last few weeks frustrations, sleepless nights, and horrendously empty wet dreams led up to the Red tinged, dark circled, half lidded, caffeine deprived eyes that Reno sported this morning. Just the effort of making it inside the office building had taken tremendous effort. But just smelling the black brew perked the suddenly kitten faced Turk up.

Reno took a ceramic mug from the hooks hanging from the bottom side of the condiments shelf above his head, ever so gently. And sighed with relief as he slowly filled his cup about three quarters of the way. Then reaching carefully again he got 4 sugar packets and the container of creamer. He liked his coffee sweet and lightened a bit. Everyone made fun of him in the whole building that knew about it, saying he took his coffee very girly. They usually met with the middle finger on a good day.

Success… another day without a concussion was a major accomplishment in Reno's book now.

Just as the feisty red head turned to leave… He turned to meet with an extremely strong chest, belonging to none other than Tseng.

"Shit-fuck…" Reno cursed animatedly, just what he needed. Then he noticed that some of his coffee, his HOT coffee had splashed right against the front of Tseng's pants. Holy mother…. "I'm sorry boss man, yo… here …" Reno grabbed for some paper towel next to the coffee pot, without actually moving his body much.

"Reno…." The usually stoic man tried to say, as Reno started to frantically yank at the roll of paper towel. "renooo…." He replied in a quieter but more irritated tone.

Reno stopped and looked at Tseng wide-eyed. "What boss man?" His hands had the paper towel at waist level now. "This needs to be cleaned before the stain sets in. I know how much of a prissy boy you are about your clothes, Yo." The flamboyant sounding Turk was completely and innocently not noticing the reality of what he was about to do. He reached out to grab the edge of the fabric and was already bringing over the hand with the balled up paper towel.

"Reno!" an iron fist wrapped around Reno's paper filled hand stopping him a breath away from the fabric. "You either stop now, Turk, or you WILL regret it later." The calm and cool demeanor that Tseng usually had was replaced by a dark calculating look.

The room suddenly seemed very dry to Reno, He couldn't seem to swallow. The feral look in Tseng's eyes was almost primeval. His eyes were dark and keen. Reno had to hold back a small shudder.

"I can let you clean it up of course man. You didn't think I'd sink as low as babyin' ya sorry ass did ya, Yo?" Reno's slanging way of tossing out a sarcastic offense in this moment was simply a survival method in his simplest of systems. His mind was screaming at him to leave the room. If he wasn't mistaken, His boss's language was threatening murder, while his eyes were screaming 'prey!'

Tseng didn't let his stare falter from Reno's as the Feisty Red head literally stumbled a step backwards, and barely salvaging the already compromised steamy cup of coffee, he made a hasty retreat out of the break room… without another room.

If Tseng felt he could manage to live through more encounters like this. He should patent the murderous gaze he'd shown Reno a moment ago. But his days suffered enough of Reno as it was.

~~~Back at Reno and Rude's office~~~

"I'm serious man. The coffee lept at the man, Yo!" He flicked an imaginary piece of lint off his pant leg then looked at his nails. "And seriously! His eyes glowed like the freaky-mako glow of the SOLDIERS only…. Wutai-o glow… ya know, Yo!... I'm bein' serious dude!" By this point Reno wasn't even sure if Rude was responding in audible grunts. He just would notice the quirk of the eyebrows and take it as a sign to keep going.

Rude had listened intently till Reno began embellishing his tale even more imaginatively. Either the Red head had finally hit the breaking point of their ever vigilant boss, or he'd BEEN striking certain chord all along to make the boss spook. This would be interesting to observe their interaction for a while.

Reno started to drink his now very cold cup of coffee. "seriously….damn… Coffee will be the death of me"

~~~Tseng's Office~~~

Tseng sat down on his office chair putting his head into his hands bending over staring at the floor from where he sat. He let out a long needed sigh. Reno would be the death of him yet.

The sexual spitfire had been teasing him for as long as he could remember, but the last few months had been torcher. He hadn't released any of his frustrations, and had rarely felt like he had to for quite a long while. But now he felt like he was going to burst. He was an easy going natured man. He was very calm and observant. But he knew how to be poisonous when necessary.

Reno didn't know that he was playing with fire when it came to Tseng, as Tseng was perfectly aware of his 2nd in commands little fetish with him. He was somewhat able to avoid compromising situations with Reno, but somehow that man had Radar for him it seemed, and Tseng couldn't seem to avoid him all the time. He certainly couldn't avoid being the brunt of lewd comments, sexual innuendo's, and heartless teasing and joking.

If only the Spitfire knew what REAL fire he was playing with. Tseng had managed to keep a major obsession with the redhead a deep dark secret for too long now. Why else would Reno be allowed to push his limits and still live.

Sometimes Tseng would lay awake at night thinking of all the ways he'd love to make Reno squirm for making him feel the pent up heat, and teasing him relentlessly for so long…..

~~~End Chapter 1~~~

A/N: Well… here we are… my first chapter… of my first attempt of a sexually frustrated Reno and Tseng. I tried my hand at bringing a very lighthearted and humorous feel to this story! Please let me know what you think. And any suggestions or requests for the direction of this will be happily accepted. It's my first attempt at this particular type of a setting. And I'm always open for inspiration!