Okay guys, be gentle here this is my first ever shot of writing slash! any advice or positve comments are welcome, flamers and haters are not. Be respectful here, don't like don't after this you still wish to read then please, don't let me stop you. Enjoy!

oh and before i forget, Twilight and both characters belong to Stephine Meyer, i just kinda own the plot...maybe

How beautiful the day was, the warm spring morning slowly dimming as the sun disappeared behind the mountains outside the cabin into an afternoon rich with dark tones and lulling music from the wildlife outside. I sat at my large mahogany desk, high-backed leather chair facing the large windows as I pondered my current thoughts closely.

Once again I relocated my Coven. Under Edward's worries and fears I quickly chose a new location, this time off the grid. Far away from any human contact, from the pain they caused my beloved copper haired companion. A drastic change in scenery, from a mansion just off of town to a cabin out in the middle of the woods, it was secluded, though not terribly isolating. I gave the others the freedom to choose their own housing close by, we had the money to do that after all. But I chose this cabin, even designed it myself, and strategically placed it so I the light just hit it the right way, the breezes drifted in just so, and no human would ever stumble upon it without my knowledge.

However I did not build this home for me, this house was for Edward. It was made for him, for his needs, the poor man needed a place where he could dwell, lash out, and give into his emotions without fear of being seen. He needed a sanctuary from the problems he faced in his immortal life, especially of the ones he was facing currently with his recent pitfall with Bella.

I can't even describe the devastation I felt when he came to me; sobbing about how foolish he was to put her in so much danger. How thoughtless he was about her life, her mortal feelings. He loved the girl. That much was certain, and that's what tore me apart the most. He loved her enough to crush her to pieces, fake disinterest and leave her to wonder why...all for the purpose of saving her from the dangers of loving the likes of us.

I was there when he broke up with her in the forest. I stayed my distance though I heard it all. I heard him spin the beautifully created lie, a soul damaging masterpiece, a heart dropping symphony to the ear. I heard every word, and then watched him walk away. I stayed behind, watching the poor girl as the words sank into her, solidifying the end of their relationship. It was a quick cut, but the sting hasn't quite settled in yet. Without thinking I left Bella there, and went straight back home, awaiting for my topaz eyed angel to return so I could comfort him.

He did eventually after a week or so. I did expect him to be awhile before he gathered himself and came back home, and as he stepped into my old office that day I smelled the sweet scent of fresh deer lingering over him. He hunted, most likely out of frustration for the deed he just committed. The blood from his meal caused his stone-like skin to soften, a slight color added to his usually pale and flawless complexion. The intriguing thing I always found was whenever Edward drank, the fresh blood coursed through his system, adding a blushing hue to the skin. It made him seem alive somehow. For a few days the blood would act as a replacement for the life giving substance he had lost when I bit him, giving him the ability to react to his emotions like the human he used to be. He could pale when frightened or sickened, blush in embarrassment or anger. For a short span of time he could feel normal. Even if his body wasn't alive to play the necessary roles in order to complete the façade, I saw he enjoyed the time he had at being unable to conceal his reactions from everyone, even if he acted frustrated when someone acknowledged it. I particularly had my fun with him during this period of time, though usually I tried not to push any boundaries.

This time was different, however. At that particular moment in time I allowed myself to give into the desires I vowed never to act upon with my first turned, no matter how much it pained me not to. But I did, and a small part of me regrets it.

Edward came in, the cuffs and color of his shirt stained with fresh blood. The smell made my throat ignite, though not from the burning hunger usually associated with thirst quenching. No, this burning was of a different thirst entirely. It took an unbelievable amount of control to stay seated in my chair, fingers laced together and tucked tightly under my chin. I took a moment to examine him, the pained posture of his lean muscled body, the raw anguish in his dilated pupils still rimmed with a small gold ring, and the small amount of blood on his miraculous lips, which were parted just a bit. He was in agony for what he did to his poor Bella, but regrettably my heart did not go to her. I cared for that girl, I truly did. But at that moment it was only Edward I focused on, and it was his pain I wanted so desperately to take away. I let out a soft sigh and rose from my chair, taking the few steps needed to reach him. Though I barely got a few feet before my young friend threw himself at me, clutching tightly to my shirt, his face buried deep into my collarbone. He started to sob, and I encircled him in my arms as I hushed away his grief.

"I ruined her!" He cried into my pressed fabric of my tailored shirt. "I led her to believe we had forever, and I crushed it right in front of her!"

"Oh Edward," I crooned. "You had the best intentions in mind. Bella will forgive you, and she will come to understand in time it was all for the best..."

"I told her lies!" He screamed as his grip tightened, desperate to hold onto something solid to keep him from crumbling. I tucked his head under my chin, holding him closer. "I do love her Carlisle, I swear! I just…I-I didn't…it wasn't exactly…"

He detangled himself from my embrace, rubbing his face in anger now. "I loved her," He said again quietly. "But not as she loved me. I couldn't lie to either of us anymore. I wouldn't risk her life just because I was lonely, it wasn't fair to her."

He paced back and forth across the room as I stood at the front of my desk, watching him, puzzled. What did he mean exactly, he did not love her as she did him? I was on the impression that he was head over heels in love with this human, was willing to do anything to be with her. Was that not the case? Was he just chasing something he didn't truly want for the sake of filling a void? Then why go through all this trouble, why make himself suffer so much if he did not reciprocate the feelings Bella had for him, was it out of pity or something deeper?

So many questions buzzed like hornets around my head, all of them boiling down to one word, why?

"Because I wanted a distraction Carlisle," Edward snarled, though not looking up to meet my gaze. "She fascinated me by being a mind I could not read, so I chanced it and toyed with the possibility I found my mate in her, but obviously I was wrong!"

"I didn't fall in love with her! I found her companionship wonderful, but beyond that I couldn't see her as anything more than…"

"A friend." I finished for him. "Edward I'm so sorry-"

A book suddenly flew towards me and I easily dodged it. Another followed suit and I found myself being bombarded with an assault of everything decorating my shelves.

"It's your fault!" He snapped at me. "This mess is all your fault! You did this to me!"

In a flash I had him pinned to the wall, one hand holding the column of his throat gently, the other holding his wrist, which fell limp and a small bust fell to the floor. His eyes snapped from hatred to surprise, an instant change I found quite interesting.

His chest rose and feel with shallow breaths, making something inside of me suddenly come alive. "How exactly is you breaking up with Bella my fault?" I asked. My question was genuine with no note of anger, just pure curiosity. My voice was only a low murmur as I was so close to him, my eyes searching his for a clue as to how I fit into this equation. He looked away, trying to hide his face as his cheeks flushed. "It's not." He muttered bitterly. "I didn't mean to say that." With my free hand I cupped his chin and forced him to face me, the color deepened. "Oh no Edward," I said slowly. "You meant every word. I want to know why you thought that." His tongue darted out to clean his lips, gently tracing the perfect shape of them as the soft pink flesh was revealed to me. He did not speak, though his discomfort was obvious.

"I can stand here all night Edward." I informed him. "I cannot read your mind; you might as well fess up." Determination was clear on his face, his lips were sealed.

Which got me thinking, how would I go about unsealing those sculpted lips?

My actions would change everything, but at the time I didn't care. I automatically chose to use methods I've used countless times, though on my first change I wouldn't dare. Though since he refused to speak, and our current position against this wall clouded my judgment, I found myself the only way to get him to talk was through seduction.

I brushed my thumb tauntingly against his wrist, eliciting a mixture of a soft moan and a surprised gasp. "I remember what your pulse felt like before I changed you." I said to him, my voice dipping into deep, sultry tones. "It was soft. So very soft…like the beat of a butterfly's wings." I dipped my head down, pausing for a split second, my lips hovering dangerously close to his skin. "I can still feel the rhythm against my fingertips sometimes." I whispered. "When I'm left alone and left to mull over my own thoughts, without you around to peak at them without my knowing. Those small moments I treasure most..." Out of the corner of my eye I saw his lips press tightly together. I raised my head back up to look at him, sliding his hand up the wall and over his head. "Do you know why my dear Edward?" I pressed myself closer to him and let go of his hand, and smirked when it fell limp to his side. "I get to think of you." I whispered. There was another moan, and then I was shoved away from him. I caught myself on the edge of my desk and looked back at him; he seemed defensive but wouldn't leave the wall. The buckled look of his long legs was the only proof my eyes needed to confirm my actions were working.

"What on Earth are you doing Carlisle?"

I tried in vain to hide the smile that was growing on my lips. "Merely trying to get a response from you my dear companion, I assure you." I answered him, looking again at his weakened knees. "It worked too." He stalked closer to me, his eyes dark though his step a bit shaky. "What do you want me to say Carlisle? I didn't mean the words I said to you." He stated. "You're the mind reader," I pointed out to him. "You tell me."

He growled, and then his face fell into his hands. He groaned loudly, running his hands furiously though his tousled locks. "I can't say it." He moaned miserably.

"Why not?" I asked him gently.

"Because then it would become real."

It was awhile before I spoke again, my words carefully chosen and spoken.

"What would, Edward?"

For a moment he too would not speak. Then with a heavy sigh and a resigned look he finally looked up at me. He looked more pained then before, as if his next words would surely damage us both.

"My feelings…for you."

I don't quite remember how I was feeling, what went on inside my mind at the time, but before I could even form a thought my mouth was upon his, frenzied as if a wild animal was just let loose from his cage. My hands grabbed hold of his shoulders, pulling him flush to me. Fabric tore under my hands, and his shirt was quickly reduced to shreds that fell from his beautiful body. There was a brief struggle on his end but it ended as soon as I had him pinned back against the wall, my raging erection grinding into his thigh. He looked up at me in bewilderment, his hands frozen on my neck from him trying to break our kiss.

"Carlisle…" He breathed as his eyes widened.

"Tell me what you want." I demanded him.

"I…" He tugged at my shirt, rubbing his leg against my cock. "I don't know."

A deep moan escaped me, raising not only excitement in me but in him as well. I reached down and cupped him through his jeans, taking pleasure in the strangled gasp that left him. "You do know Edward." I snarled. "You've always known. Now tell me exactly what you want from me." He shut his eyes tight, so overwhelmed with emotions he probably couldn't form a single coherent thought. I gave him another squeeze, grinding myself harder against him.

He cried out, throwing his head back as I knelt before him. I ripped off his belt buckle, tossing the remains along with his shirt. I unclasped the button next, slowly dragging the zipper down as his cock strained beneath his boxers before me. "Think Edward." I told him, kissing the skin just above the hem of his pants. "Think long and hard." He cried out as I reached my hand into his boxers, taking hold of his throbbing member and slipping it out into the cool air of my office. Edward's eyes widened further as I smiled up at him, my tongue darting from my mouth to tease the sensitive head before licking the entire underside of his marvelous cock.

"Ah, Carlisle!" He choked out.

"Tell me Edward." I told him again, swirling my tongue around the head and licking up the pre cum that seeped out.

"Do something!" He begged me, pulling at his hair desperately. "Anything, I don't care! Just do something!"

I chuckled and started pumping him slowly, his hips already jerking into my hand as I increased my pace. He panted furiously, arching his back off the wall as he came closer and closer to his climax. Riling him up supercharged him, I realized. I didn't want him to get off just yet. I had a wild event planed for him.

I stopped my movements and Edward looked at me pleadingly. His mouth opened in protest, but before he could utter a single word I took his member into my mouth, sliding it in as far as it would go, then letting it slowly slide out, sucking the head hard before pulling it back in again. I braced my forearm against his hips as they bucked furiously, his hand weaving tightly into my hair which forcing me to quicken my pace.

"Carlisle! Oh God-Please, I'm so close!"

I moaned hard, feeling my own erection throbbing painfully in my slacks. As I continued my actions on him I reached down and stroked myself, keeping the fast pace I had with my beautiful Edward. His breathing was labored now; his moans and gasps climbing along with his orgasm. I pumped myself harder, bringing Edward's cock deeper into my throat, moaning louder to create more sensations for him.

"Faster!" He panted. "Please, I-ah!"

My mind was going crazy, I swore if I didn't release soon I'd surely die. I worked furiously, trying to make him cum before I did. Edward moaned again and he shuttered, letting out a euphoric cry as he came hard into my mouth. My name left his lips and it was all I needed to orgasm myself. It was so hard and powerful, black blotches bloomed in my vision as my mind seemed to float away from me. I released Edward's cock and he sunk to the floor, totally lost in his own high. I took the chance to kiss him deeply, delving my tongue into his open and willing mouth, allowing him to taste his own sweet essence as our tongues mingled.

I swiped my thumb over the corner of my mouth, catching a bit of his seed and licked it clean. "I trust your needs are met Edward?"

He didn't answer me, but his relaxed pose again spoke for him.

We stayed like that for a while, slouched against the wall in our torn up clothing, or what remained of it in his case. For a minute I allowed myself to think that maybe crossing the line I drew between Edward and I wasn't such a horrid action after all, that maybe, just maybe he did feel the same for me as I felt for him.

After all, didn't he state clear as day that he did?

I basked in that thought, allowed it to warm me through to my artic core, until I saw the heart dropping flash across my vision. Edward was at my door, eyes wide as if he just came to realize he did something terribly wrong. He was trying hard to refasten his pants and open the door when I started to rise and easily situated myself. I reached for him and managed to catch his arm, pleading with my eyes for him to stay and talk things through.

"Carlisle, please." He whined gently, looking like a wounded puppy that just got kicked. "Let me go. This was a mistake, a big one."

My dead heart clenched painfully at his words. A mistake? His confession, our mutual needs, they were mistakes to him? I think not. I know he shares my feelings, he just can't see it yet. "Edward," I begged him, trying to tug him back into the room. "Let's talk this through. I'm sure if we just discuss it you will-"

"No!"

He tore away from me and went stumbling backwards into the hallway. "I'm not like that Carlisle!" He screamed at me. His eyes were wide, frenzied, pleading. Mixed with so many emotions I couldn't quite tell them apart. He was conflicted and it was causing a panic attack, an awful thing brought on by me. I caused him more agony then he already was suffering from. If what he was feeling before our encounter tore me part, this absolutely ruined me. Though his next words, which still echo in my head, took such a hard blow I literally cringed as they hit me.

"How could you do this to me? I trusted you!"

A knife, that's how I clearly remember how the words cut me. And not just a quick cut, but a stab, several into the idea of us, and watching in despair as it bled out and died quickly before me. A life I couldn't save withering away in the hands of the one I could, irony couldn't be any crueler.

"Edward please, let me explain!" I cried out as he disappeared from my sight. But he was gone, and if he ever planned to return I would never know. I closed my eyes and let a needless breath escape me before walking back into my office, closing the door tightly behind me. I sat back behind my desk, my head resting shamefully in my hands.

"What have I done to you?" I whispered. "Oh Edward, what have I done?"

No answers greeted me this time.

My eyes did catch something though, a scrap of white on the far side of my vision. I tilted my head towards it for a closer look and found it was a piece of his shirt. I absentmindedly reached for it, twirling the strip of cloth in my fingers before lifting it to my nose to drink in the scent. A few seconds and I was completely lost, and then harshly ripped back to reality when I remembered the awful thing I'd done in order to have it in my possession.

I was still fingering that same fabric in my new office, and as the sun continued to set and the storm clouds rolled in, I wondered one thing…

Would Edward ever return to me after my betrayal to him?

so? how did i do? press the button bellow and leave me nice things, if so i think another chapter is right on its way!