It was late at night and dark, Jace couldn't see anything. He sat upright on his bed, fully clothed. He thought about everything that had happened. And of course, he thought about Clary. He always thought about Clary. She had her own, special place in his heart and his soul. It was as if she already became a part of himself.
He wanted to touch her. He pined over her, her warm skin, her soft lips. Everything inside him wanted to be with her, holding her in his arms and kissing her softly.
But it was impossible. Jace didn't really felt the heavenly fire that was still in his body. But he imagined a stream of it rushing through his cells like his blood rushing though his veins.
Every day when he saw her, he wanted to reach out and strike his fingers through her red hair. He wanted to feel her lips on his. And from the way Clary looked at him, she wanted exactly the same. He growled angrily and hit the pillow with his fist.
He didn't know what to do. Everyone was searching for a cure, but it had been days and no one had found anything. Would he ever be able to touch Clary again? To touch someone in general?
In the last days, he had always been aside of everyone else. It was hard for him. They were his family and he wanted to be with them, but he was just too afraid of hurting them. A single contact could burn them. A single contact by passing salt over the table or being a bit careless.
No, there was too much danger in socialising. They knew, it was impossible to change his mind. The only one refusing to let him alone was Clary. And his heart ached only through thinking about her. Not being able to be near her was horrible. In his position, he told himself, when his craving for her got too strong, he should have been very glad that he could talk to her. But this just wasn't enough. Not anymore. Juts to hold her hand, would have been enough.
He sighed and wrapped his arms around his body. He had never felt this lonely in his life. Everyone was near him, but far away.
And then the anger and loneliness that were just little, crumpled balls in his stomach grew and made their way through his body. He felt his skin burning and imagined that the heavenly fire must be like this for other people than him. A scream built up in his throat and he let it go. He clenched his fists, hitting his pillow again and again until he was exhausted. Then he lay down, too angry to get off his clothes and fell asleep, back into strange, disturbing dreams about losing everyone he loved because of the fire inside him. A fire that could not be controlled.