A/N: Hey guys! So this is just a one shot I wrote because I was just in one of those moods. Something like this is really goinng on in my life. My "best friend" doesn't seem to care anymore and I've been struggling with depression/cutting but it isn't as bad as I make it out to be in this. I know that telling you all this is pretty bold but part of my recovery is talking about it and saying how I feel. I write because it helps.

I also just wanted to say that I don't think Selena is a horrible person at all! I just thought that this best friend pairing worked because Demi went through her depression and Selena was or is her best friend so I just decided to use those two.

I hope you guys like this, sorry it's kind of depressing. Please tell me what you think!

Cutting is something I've been struggling with since August of 2011. I have tried to stop since the say I started but I just can't. My depression isn't exactly a big secret. There are so many people who know about it and have told me that I need to stop but have done nothing to stop it. They don't know what to do or how to deal with it.

My former best friend, who is still a friend but nowhere near as close any more, constantly tells me that she understands how I feel and tells me that her life is so much worse than mine. I'm sure that it is; I'm not trying to play the "my life is worse than your life" game. I'm just trying to tell her how I feel because I need to stop holding it all in. She constantly tells me that I can go to her, talk to her and that I can count on her, but can I really? Like she so often tells me, she has her own problems, her own stress; she doesn't need mine on top of it. Especially if she is just going to say that her life and stress is so much worse than what I'm feeling because I don't have as bad as a life as she does. I know it sounds like I'm putting her down but I'm honestly not. I'm merely speaking what I notice. She can tell me I can count on her all she wants but it's going to say so much more than that for me to believe it. We've grown so much apart it scars me. She and I used to share everything and then it all changed. I believe it changed for a few reasons. One, the summer before junior year she wasn't going to be returning to the high school we had been attending. Two, she started dating a, not so perfect, guy who changed her. Then third, her current boyfriend came into the picture and he now consumes all of her time, energy, and thoughts. I'm happy that they are so happy together but it's like he is all she cares about. They spend more time together than she and I ever did. I sound jealous and that's because I am.

It all became too much. I was tired of her putting him before anyone else. My cuts started to get deeper and deeper. It came to the point where it took months before they would become scars and when they did they still looked bad. I was sick of the sadness. I was sick of the hurt. I was sick of it all. I walked down the hall of my school, like I would any other normal day, but this time I wasn't hiding. I wasn't wearing anything to cover the scars that covered my wrists and arms. As I walked down the hall I heard gasps and whispers. Everyone saw them. It wasn't a secret anymore. I saw the one I used to call my best friend. She turned her head and her eyes went instantly to my bare arms. She gasped and covered her hand over her mouth. I gave her a small smile and kept walking. She finally saw just how badly I was hurting. Everyone did.

I felt an arm grab mine and I turned to meet the eyes of my "best friend". "What the hell?" She almost screamed at me. Her eyes were filled with tears. I jerked my arm out of her grip. "Why would you do this to yourself?" She was still screaming at me.

"You knew I was doing this." I kept my expression neutral, so she couldn't tell what I was feeling or thinking.

"I didn't know just how serious this was! Why didn't you come to me?" She looked so hurt, broken almost. She was so pained by what I had done to myself.

"Don't you think I tried? I tried to tell you little things that stressed me out and all you would say it how hard your life is and that if I were you then I would have real reasons to be stressed. For months all you have been doing is telling me how much worse your life is than mine. That isn't what I needed to hear from you! I needed my best friend to help me like she did freshman year but she obviously isn't there anymore. She's found something better than a broken friend."

"You can't blame me for this!" Tears were rapidly falling down her cheeks.

"I'm not, I'm just telling you how I feel. Why does it seem like every time I do you try and turn the situation around and make it about you? I know you love talking about you but can you please just stop for one second and listen to me? I'm broken! I've reached my limit! Do you see these scars?" I screamed, holding out my arms so she could get a close up of them. "I have no other way of dealing with the pain."

Selena was crying more than I had ever seen before. She was usually so strong around everyone else. She was also one to hold in her feelings. I wanted to feel sorry for her but I couldn't anymore. I turned on my heels and left her standing there to process what has happened. This was my final goodbye.

By the end of second period I was in the counseling office to talk about the scars that covered my arms and wrists. The school called my parents; they kept me under watch until they could talk to my parents. The entire day I just sat emotionless. I didn't talk. I didn't react to anything. It was official, everyone knew I cut. Nothing changed after that day. The news died down quickly, my parents didn't act any different. The only thing that changed was Selena and I's relationship. I never spoke to her again after that day. She tried so hard to make things right but it was too late for anyone to get to me. To be honest, I felt better not having her around anymore. I know that's a horrible thing to say but the way our relationship was going, it was better this way.