This is my first one shot please be kind
I own none of the characters except Katie and the twins
You never understand the term life's not fair until something life changing happens. That one thing that tips you over the edge. And unless you have someone to hold onto, there is no stopping it. That sinking feeling that filled him was the only comfort these days. The only thing that told him he was still human. That he did have feelings.
It was all his fault and she just simply smiled and turned away like she knew better. He hated when she did that. Trying to out smart him. And succeeding. She was the only person he knew that could do that and get away with it. Years of blaming himself and John hadn't changed his views. No matter how much she told him, no matter how many times she tried to distract him, it was always there imprinted into the back of his mind. The kids came and they finally shut it up…for a while but it was still there, the feeling that he'd let him down.
His son came up to him one day and asked why daddy was always so sad but he didn't answer, only looked at her for help, she shook her head and gave him a look. He then picked his son up and chose to change the subject, He wasn't ready to come to terms with it yet.
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John kicks the ball back to his son and smiles as he runs for the ball and just catches it before it fall downs the steps. He loved how optimistic his sons could be even though they grew up with him fighting depression and being a pain. From the corner of his eye he saw the bush move but he shakes it off thinking it was the wind
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It was kid number three that brought John out of the daze he'd been living in for years. A beautiful baby girl with big blue eyes and dark hair. Eyes that took in everything and analysed it saving it for later. It would turn out that she would be just like him. Katie just had that way. Her brothers hated the fact that by the time of 6 she could beat the 10 year old twins in any argument. They were grateful though, she had put back the non-existent sparkle in their fathers eyes when they argued about something and made him realise she had won.
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Molly hated him for what he had put her through. For what he put his friend through. The second he made her promise she knew it was a bad idea. She hadn't loved him at the start but needed someone to lean on to get her through the harder days but John had grown on her, He actually appreciated her for a start. She used to love the days when he would come for her opinion and actually listen to it not just ignore her like she was nothing.
The boys helped, they distracted her and John for a while. They made them smile and laugh, move on with their lives. No longer was the what if only the remember when. Sam and Luke were blue-eyed wonders and spent there lives reeking havoc and being a general pain. They, like their sister had unbelievable minds but were less directed than her. They preferred to cause trouble than solve stuff.
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Molly looks at her children and husband playing in the garden. In the corner of her eye she notices someone. She shakes her head and swears she's imagining things.
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When she said yes she thought she thought she could cope with the secret she had to keep from him. The one that could have cured the guilt that ate him up from the inside out. After years she thought she would crack but then Katie came and seemed to fix everything. She put life back into John and she began to see the man she met instead of the shadow she had learned to love. Personally she preferred this John, he was more fun.
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He sat and watched them from a distance. Never letting himself be found, he existed in a half-life. His friends suffered because of what he felt was needed to do . Now, with years later he played the scenario seeing unnoticed escape routes which he hadn't noticed at the time. Years of double guessing and wondering, he was sick, sick mentally and physically. He was no longer Sherlock the great detective, He was Sherlock, the dying man.