AN: I know I should be writing my LJ fic but truth be told, I have no inspiration. Also, I just watched the Covenant and I needed to write something. This is basically just some mindless humor, but I hope you like it. Please no flames, but pleeease review and enjoy!
The Truth About the Covenant
1.) Sarah orgasms over the beauty of trees.
2.) ...And/or says that they're beautiful with a lisp in front of the mirror at three AM.
3.) Tyler calls Aaron a dickhead, therefore he is HARDCORE.
4.) Please note the fact that Reid likes to insist he can fight but proceeds to get his ass kicked my Caleb.
5.) Also note that this is only because the writers didn't want Reid stealing Caleb's spotlight because Reid is so much sexier than him and we all know it.
6.) After Reid swears that he wasn't the one who used, he mutters that he was a boy scout just like Caleb was. You just don't notice because again the writers wanted Caleb to have all the spotlight.
7.) Caleb is self-conscious of his man-boobies which is why he crosses his arms during the pool scene.
8.) He is not, however, self-conscious of his massive lips because his mommy says they add to his appeal.
9.) Pogue tells Kate he was getting his bike fixed, which is why he missed the movie. He wasn't. He was getting it on with a Mary Sue in the backseat of Tyler's hummer.
10.) Reid wants Harry Potter to kiss his ass because he likes it dirty.
11.) He also is very offended by the fact that he does not get a girl.
12.) As is Tyler.
13.) As is Pogue, because although he gets a girl, she likes to flirt with his arch nemesis, which just won't do.
14.) As is Caleb, because although he too gets a girl, she likes to cry and whine and occasionally he flirts with the idea was using on her to make her lips sealed shut.
15.) Please also note that at the end of the movie, it does not state whether or not Kate accepts Pogue now, and after the movie is over, she decides that she doesn't want to be with him anymore.
16.) Pogue then whoops in glee and goes to find his Mary Sue again.
17.) Tyler says 'Shit yeah!' which further proves that he is HARDCORE because he curses.
18.) Three weeks after the movie is over, Caleb finds it too hard to kiss Sarah with such massive lips while hers are rather small.
19.) He proceeds to dump her for a girl with bigger lips.
20.) Said new girls lips are so huge that they take up almost all of her face.
21.) Reid buys more fingerless gloves, only this time they are white with hearts on them, but does not wear them for fear of being made fun of.
22.) Even if they accent his eyes beautifully.
23.) Caleb's mother would like it to be known that she never did like Sarah, especially because her dress left nothing to the imagination.
24.) Caleb's father is severely pissed that he had to die because Caleb is too much of a pussy to hold his own in a fight.
25.) Tyler would still like a goddamn girl.
26.) And to be able to drive his own car for once.
27.) Reid and Tyler rock out to Brittany Spears in their dorm.
28.) Pogue and Caleb join them occasionally, although they themselves enjoy Christina Aguilera more.
29.) The Sons of Ipswich formed their own boy band after overhearing the suggestion from Sarah.
30.) They now have their own MySpace and record deal.
31.) When Kate found out, she tried to get Pogue back.
32.) Pogue then proceeded to sing 'Sk8er Boi' by Avril Lavigne at one of their concerts.
33.) Kate then joined Kira and Aaron's relationship so that they were now a threesome.
34.) This will not, however, ever be mentioned in the tabloids.
35.) Gorman and Caleb's mom have been having an affair since Caleb was three.
36.) This will be mentioned in the tabloids.
37.) Reid enjoys to tap chins...among other things.
38.) Chase would like it to be known that nothing that happened in the movie is his fault because he was going through an emo phase.
39.) And Dashboard Confessional is to blame.
40.) He is now best friends with Martha Stewart and enjoys baking brownies.
AN: More later if I get enough reviews. Thanks for reading! Don't forget to click that review button down there.