I awoke at 3:52 in the morning, from another screaming nightmare. This time was just like any other. I walked into

nothingness Much like my future.

I turned onto my back. and stared blankly at the ceiling. I felt a soft and wet tear drop roll lightly down my, now wet again,

cheek. The tears came faster now. Similar to the pluckings of a guitar.

I sat up and curled into a ball. I Crushed my arms against my chest. which curently was being ripped apart by some

unknown force. I bit my lip, and grimaced. It was so much worse than before. Why ?

I Slowly dragged my head up. The moon light up my room fractionally. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my calendar. In

the picture there was snow, and snowmen. On the date there was a big red circle. I squeezed my eye's shut and

pretended to melt into the blackness. This cannot happen. Not now atleast. I don't know how to deal with it. I let out a

large gust of breathe I had been holding in since I woke up. Christmas.

I rolled back down to the flat surraface of my bed. and let the tears fall.

"As if I never existed"

I gasped. How could I ? I had been so good for 3 weeks. Those awful words would always find they're way back into my

memory.

"Focus Bella" I thought to myself. I need to figure out what to do. How to react. I would do my best to look pleased with

what charlie bought me. I would say thank you and Merry Christmas. Thats about all. Thats really all I can promise him. If I

am lucky I might smile. Once. How could I smile ? That last time I received a gift it-- I cut Myself off. No Your not aloud I

though to myself.

My chest flared and snapped at my heart. I started gasping for air. I tried but nothing was coming in.

At that moment I huge cloud rolled into the small town of Forks. Rain started pellting down on my window. making it even

harder to breath. I felt crouded and clausterphobic, like at any minuete the roof would colapse and the sky would fall down

on me. I would drown in the clouds.

I Squeezed my eyes shut, pinched my lips shut and focused on breathing stedily through my nose. This can't be happening.

I rolled onto my side and let myself wet the other side of my salt stained pillow. It was still difficult breathing I could hear

the air coming in and out of my body, Not stedily though.

Yet all at that moment all was lost. My sould, My heart, My feelings and Myself. I didn't know who I was. Deffinatly not

Bella Swan.

Well not anymore.