I Hate Everything
Disclaimer: I don't own
A/N: This Story has been moved to his profile as The Kliq has disbanded
Matt Hardy was sitting at the bar. His heart felt as if it'd been torn into a thousand different pieces.
I hate him. he thought I HATE HIM! I hate them. How could they do this? He threw down a 20 and called for another drink. No matter how much he drank, he couldn't forget, he wouldn't forget.
Ever since he left him, everything had lost its appeal. Even wrestling had become stale and painful. He lived each day in a sort of depressed daze. He didn't feel, he didn't think, he didn't love. He hated it all. He hated his brother, he hated his friends, he hated his house, his fans, and his life.
The band began to play a Country song.
He was sitting there beside me
Throwin' doubles down when he ordered up his third
He looked around, then he looked at me
And said "I do believe I oughta have one more
I hate this bar and I hate to drink,
But on second thought, tonight I think
I hate everything. "
He snorted as he heard the music play.
"Story of my life." he muttered. He really did hate to drink. It messed with your mind and body, and therefore, his ring performance but he did care anymore. None of it mattered. No one mattered. Not anymore. Not now, not ever.
But that's not true. his mind said in his ear. HE mattered, your fans mattered, Jeff mattered.
They did once, said another part of his mind. But He's gone now and nothing matters anymore. Not him, not them, not Jeff.
Jeff will always matter. said a third part of his mind. Jeff's your brother. He looks up to you, he loves you, he needs you.
Why would he need me?
Then he opened up his billfold and threw a 20 down
And a faded photograph fell out and hit the ground
And I picked it up he said
Thank ya bud. I put it in his hand,
He said I probably oughta throw
This one away, 'cause she's the reason I feel this way,
I hate everything.
He looked at a photograph of himself, Jeff, and Him. Jeff's right arm was bandaged, he looked sad. He remembered that day. Chris Beniot had just left Jeff and he'd been devastated. Jeff had locked himself in his room and refused to come out. Matt had gotten worried and knocked down the door, finding Jeff sitting on the floor with a blade and several cuts seeping blood onto the floor. He'd cleaned him up and held him as he cried. He'd told him that Beniot was not everything, that there were other people out there. Maybe he should follow his own advice.
That's why Jeff needs you. He's still fragile.
He has Jericho
But he needs YOU, his big brother.
I hate my job, and I hate my life.
If it werent for my two kids, I'd hate my ex-wife.
I know I should move on and try to start again,
But I just can't get over her leaving me for him.
Then he shook his head and looked down at his ring,
And said I hate everything.
Was Shawn Michaels so much better than him? Yeah he was older, and yeah, he was a bigger name but was he so terrible to be with? Was he a failure?
Failure? You? Ha! said his mind. You're a five time World Tag Team Champion, a three time Hardcore Champion, a one time European Champion, a one time Cruiserweight Champion, and a one time WCW Tag Team Champion. Failure is one thing you're not.
But who cares? Its all gone. Remember what he told you before he left? Vince is about ready to can you.
He said, That one bedroom apartment where I get my mail,
Is really not a home, it's more like a jail,
With a swimming pool and a parking lot view.
Man, it's just great!
I hate summer, winter, fall, and spring,
Red and yellow, purple, blue and green.
I hate everything.
How does what he says matter? He just wanted to hurt you. I bet none of it's true. Don't let him hurt you. Lord knows his tag team accomplishments are nothing to yours. He's never been in a TLC match at WrestleMania.
But I love him. He'd never...
He doesn't love you anymore. Or maybe he does. Maybe he's just too afraid to think of it.
You're probably right.
I am.
I hate my job, and I hate my life.
If it werent for my two kids, I'd hate my ex-wife.
I know I should move on and try to start again,
But I just can't get over her leaving me for him.
Then he shook his head and looked down at his ring,
And said I hate everything.
"I think I'm going crazy." Matt muttered. "I'm holding an arguement and conversation with myself."
"Then maybe you need a distraction."
So I pulled out my phone and I called my house
I said Babe, I'm coming home we're gonna work this out.
I paid for his drinks and I told him Thanks!
Thanks for everything...
He turned. There stood Rob Van Dam.
"Hey Rob." Matt said, going back to nursing his drink.
"What's wrong Matt? I've never seen you like this before." Rob said, sitting down beside his friend.
"Shane." he said, the word drawing a flinch as he said it. It even hurt to say his name.
"What happend? Did you fight Matt?" Rob asked, concerned.
"He...he," Matt closed his eyes. "he left me. For Shawn." a lone tear made a wet trail down his cheek. Rob wiped it away with the flick of a finger.
"I'm sorry Matt, I really am." Matt gave a small hiccup and Rob frowned. He gently took the glass from Matt, sitting it on the bar out of his reach.
"You've had enough Matt. Jeff is worried about you, you know? He sent me to find you. He's working himself all up, saying you're gonna do something dumb. Chris has been trying to calm him down all night. Come on." he pulled Matt gently to his feet and led him from the bar.
"Matt, Shane is not the world. He's a man. Though he may play one on TV, he's not a superhero. He doesn't realize that. Its gone to his head. He thinks he can do whatever but he can't, and he can't give you what you need sweetie." he said.
"What do you mean?" Matt asked, forcing himself to keep the tears from falling freely, though some escape.
"I mean Matt, that Shane has too many needs of his own to give you what YOU need."
"Rob?" Matt asked after a moment's pause.
"Yes Matt?"
"Do you think he loved me?"
"...Matt, I'm not sure. Shane's not an easy one to read."
"I loved him. I mean...he wasn't always there, and he could be a jerk, but I still loved him." Rob smiled slightly as they entered the hotel and he lead Matt to the elevator.
"Matt, I'll always be here if you need me. " he said. Matt nodded. He could no longer hold back the flow of tears that threatened to engulf him and buried his head in Rob's shoulder, sobbing. Rob held him, rubbing soothing circles on his back and murmering to him.
The elevator doors opened on Jeff's floor. He lead the sobbing Matt to the door of the room Jeff was sharing with Chris Jericho, his lover. He knocked and the door opened to reveal a worried and ragged Jeff Hardy.
"Matty..." he said, catching sight of his brother. Rob entered the room, still holding Matt. Jeff led them to the bed and Rob lay down on it, cradling Matt in his arms. Jeff sat beside them, running his hands through Matt's midnight curls.
"What happend?" he asked, on the verge of tears himself. Chris walked over and put his arms around the younger Hardy. He leaned back into the warm embrace.
"Shane dropped him. For Shawn Michaels." Rob said. "He's taking it hard. He really loved that Hurridork." Jeff sighed.
"I know he did. I'm just not sure if Shane loved him. I've always doubted it but I kept quiet, for Matt's sake. Maybe if I..."Chris cut him off.
"No Jeff, don't blame yourself for Shane's stupidity. The only one at fault is him." he said, forcefully. Jeff nodded. Matt's sobs had stopped. Rob shifted him in his arms and saw that he had fallen asleep.
"I just hope that Matt will understand that." Rob said.