You'll never be my mate :)
"That wasn't fair on Doug, that!"
You shout and move away from me like I'm a disease. The thought of me kissing you must turn your stomach now; I remember there was a time when you would have moved mountains for a kiss from me. I keep forgetting that you have moved on. The thing is though Steven, I don't buy it, what difference does it make to you if I'm in this state or not? You don't owe me anything at all.
"I can't stand seeing you like this"
Why? Why can't you stand it Steven? You can carry on lying to me, denying me and pretending that Douglas is enough for you, but you can't lie to yourself. Take it from one who knows. You can't stand me being hurt because you care and deep down I believe that a part of you still loves me. You never do forget your one true love do you Steven? Once again I'm talking from experience because you, Steven Hay got in to my head and slowly but surely you took every part of me: my heart, my body and my soul. You are my weakness and my strength, my pleasure and my pain. I am nothing without you and more than I thought I could ever be with you and I won't give that up…I won't.
"Got enough food in ere to feed a small Irish army!"
You call me, text me and now you come round with food and not only food, but jam sandwiches…my favorite, but then you knew that didn't you Steven? That's not because you feel sorry for me is it? You didn't care about me any other time, like when you stole my money or when you double crossed me with Douglas. You didn't care then so why give a fuck now? It just doesn't make any sense to me Steven.
"You'll always be my problem"
I can't even argue with that because I always want to be your problem and I believe that you always want me to be too, why else would you be here? And do all the things you have done to help me? You enjoy the attention that you get off me Steven…you don't want me to want anyone else. You can do what you like but you want me to only want you. Well I do only want you, so you will never have to worry about that. You'll never have to see me build a life with someone else the way I have with you. I could never do that to you.
"You're Brendan Brady aren't ya?"
By name maybe, but I'm not the same man I used to be. You just don't get it do you Steven? I have changed now. It's just sad that it's taken me losing everyone that I love for me to make the changes that I needed to. If I had you by my side, I could handle losing everyone else, do you know that? I'm trying to be strong, but I need you Steven and I want to lay with you and forget about everything that has happened and I want to wrap you up in my arms and breathe you in. Please stay with me.
"I'm here as a mate, right?"
Mates…don't make me laugh Steven. Since when have we ever been that? You couldn't stand me a few months ago and let's face it, we are never going to get a best friends forever award are we? Don't treat me like im stupid just because I'm hurt. I'm grateful to you, really I am, but you know how I feel about you and you hold my face and look in to my eyes and expect me to know that all you want is friendship…yeah grow up Steven. I've never needed mates and I certainly don't need them now so if that is all you're offering then you can keep it and just stay away. How can I move on if you won't let me? You are lots of things to me Steven and you are my life and always will be, but you'll never be my mate…not ever.
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