Enjoy!
It's so hard to breath. I feel like I've just run a marathon, twice longer than usual, and my body is on the point of collapsing. Like there is some protection mechanism, preventing me from going to your place.
It's so hard to breath. My cheeks are as wet from tears as if I've been standing in the rain for the last two hours. Although sun is shining brightly. Like it is making fun of me. As it is happy, unlike myself.
It hurts to think. My brain's unable to comprehend all the information, it has gotten over the past minutes. It can't understand and believe. Although my heart is quite content.
It hurts to think. I have no idea, how to tell you everything. I can't decide which way is the safest: begin from afar or be straightforward.
I'm afraid of knowledge. Of your reaction when I say everything. My mind helpfully gives me ideas. And it only makes me want to turn around and run away. And never return.
I'm afraid of knowledge. Whether my mind is right or how my heart is wrong blindly believing in you. It's not safe to rely on belief, but it gives me power to move on.
Hands are shaking. Not because of cold. Not because of fear. It's nerves. I'm almost at our home. Your home. After today's talk it'll be only yours.
Hands are shaking. When I come closer to the door and reach out to ring. Somehow it seems logical not to use keys, but let you open the door in front of me.
My body doesn't obey. You open the door and see me, in tears, trying to shrink, as if it can make me invisible.
My body doesn't obey. As soon as I see your not understanding, fearful, but loving eyes, I throw myself into your hug. Because it's safe there.
I lose control over the situation. You're whispering something. A lot. But I'm not able to catch a single phrase.
I lose control over the situation. You pick me up and carry to the bedroom. Ours or yours. We're yet to find out.
Trying to get over my nerves. Gradually my breathing evens. Tears stop. You seem to calm down as well.
Trying to get over my nerves. I will tell you everything. I can do it. And you will.. either throw me out of your place. Or… no, I'm too scared to hope.
Doing my best not to watch you in the eyes. I wanted to make it slowly. But instead blurt it out all at once.
Doing my best not to watch you in the eyes. Because I'm scared of your reaction. Because I'm afraid to see there something other than love.
You pick me up. Hold for dear life, spinning and kissing.
You pick me up. And you shout at the top of your lungs that you're the happiest man in the world. Say, that I'm silly, as I expected any other reaction.
We're having a baby. Right now, when everything is not perfect in our relationships. When we have troubles at the office.
We're having a baby. Who is going to have the best dad in the world.
And only now I understand that my fear was pointless.
And only now I understand how much I love you.
This may be considered a pre-story to "What happiness is"