"Pttthhtt! Plllthaattt! Yeuch!", went Iago, spitting out as many crackers as he could before the inside of his beak could go the route of the outlying desert. "We always end up going through this, Jafar! You never even think of dropping the slightest hint that maybe crackers aren't the best way to show love for a parrot!"
"And what would be better?", Jafar retorted, "Perhaps a quick massage, maybe with a happy ending at the end?"
Iago froze halfway through clearing crumbs off of himself, dumbstruck by such a horrifying mental image. "From the sultan?! You gotta be kidding me!"
"Oh, shut up, Iago. The point is, you're supposed to play up the stereotypes of your kind to keep playing to the sultan's naivité", said Jafar, as Iago desperately tried to keep up with him as he sauntered down the corridor. "It's the only way we could appear like we're on his side in spite of our blatant villainous exterior."
"Why?", squawked Iago, fluttering up to Jafar's shoulder.
"Because it's more fun that way", Jafar said with a satisfied grin at such a retort. "If we go through the whole thing knowing the lead political figurehead really is as gullible as he appears, it'll provide a bit of entertainment between hypnotizing his daughter into-"
"Alright, enough already!", interrupted Iago, hoping he would never know exactly why Jafar put self-imposed limitations on his hypnosis powers. "Let's just figure out what the princess was doing with that street rat from earlier, and get it over with, so we can then find a reason to lock him in the dungeon and give him one hour to outsmart every trap we have in there using lots o' jumpin' around!"
"Iago", Jafar said just as Iago was pausing for a breath, "I think you might be thinking about a different piece of Middle Eastern fiction."
"Shut up, you're breaking the fourth wall again!", came a sharp whisper from Ron Clements, who was hiding outside of the view of the camera.
"Oh, uh, I mean, I think you might be overestimating what we really need to do here", Jafar said hastily. "Besides, we have a much better plan than this 'Jordan Mechner' fellow could ever come up with", he continued in his usual sultry tone, failing to notice John Musker silently facepalming at his continued breaking of the fourth wall. "You remember that 'diamond in the rough' that the cave of wonders spoke of? I suspect that this street rat could be the exact one we're looking for."
"Some random bum on the streets is predestined to be the one to crawl down a sandy tiger's throat and pull a magic clam out of it? Please."
"Lamp, Iago. A magic lamp. In any case, my suspicion is not unfounded. After studying every possible text, I pieced together several traits that point to him being the one, one of which happens to be a close affiliation with royalty. This meeting with princess Jasmine could be the exact sign we're looking for!"
"Riiiiight, right. So where do I figure into all this?"
"You, Iago, have to keep an eye on this street rat, find out his usual habits and hiding spots. I hear that he's rather elusive when it comes to the city guard, so careful planning is needed in order to corner him. So, when we catch him doing something illegal, that's when we put things in motion. Do you understand?"
"Got it, Jafar", Iago said, feigning a salute in a way that made Jafar roll his eyes. "Where should I start?"
"Your place to start searching is in between the cracks in the roads around Agrabah. He could be hiding under any of them", lied Jafar.
"Ok, Jafar! There is no questioning your omnipotence!", squawked Iago, flying out of a window with much haste.
"Excellent", mumbled Jafar to himself. "Now that I've gotten rid of him, time to put that other plan in motion…"
Iago stayed low to the road, hastily dodging all passing carts and camels as he peered through every crack in the paving, desperately trying to look for a possible secret entrance to where this street rat could be hiding. He noticed one particular paving stone that seemed rather loose, so he dug his claws underneath it and tugged as hard as his wings would let him. It was only after five minutes of tugging that Iago suddenly realised he was stuck, trapped in the middle of a road at night.
"Jafar!", he screeched. "JAFAAAAAAAR! I NEED A LITTLE HELP HERE!"
After squawking for help enough to give himself a sore throat, Iago lay down with a bored expression on his face. Perhaps someone would come and get him unstuck from this paving stone eventually.
Suddenly, he was alerted by a rumbling sound in the distance. He looked over his shoulder, and noticed two bright lights in the distance. With a terrified yelp, Iago desperately tried to drag himself out of the crack in a manner just as fruitless as his first attempts. As the rumbling grew louder and the lights got closer, Iago turned to the lights and let out a terrified squawk, pausing only to ask, "Wait...why is there a truck in ancient Agrabah?", at which point he was interrupted by this very truck ploughing straight into him, leaving nothing but a flurry of feathers in its wake.
"And what is it that you're looking for?", asked Ariel towards this strange human in a black turban.
"Well, it may seem like a simple hunch", said Jafar, "…but I'm looking to borrow that brain of yours…"