Title: Reflection

Author: atria123

Rating: PG-13

Genre and/or Pairing: Castiel/Dean , Family, Friendship

Spoilers: Spoilers for everything up to ep 7x01

Warnings: hint of non-con

Word Count: 4225

Summary: It's been a month now since Castiel used up all his grace to expel the Leviathans back to Purgatory. A month, in which Castiel spends most of his time locked in his room and Dean pretends that said former angel does not exist. A month! And Sam Winchester will sort this mess out!

It's been a month now, since Castiel released all those souls back to Purgatory. A month since Castiel had to use all of his grace to force the Leviathans into Purgatory as well. A month since Castiel collapsed onto the cold floor of Crowley's den, and Dean found himself laden with a fallen angel.

Sam watched Dean sink further into the chair, taking another swig from the beer bottle. It was hard, but Sam resisted the urge to bang his head against Bobby's kitchen table. It's been a month now, since Dean dragged Castiel back to Bobby's, and Sam could honestly say that it's been the most frustratingly awkward month he'd ever had.

"Dean," Sam leaned over the table to snatch the beer bottle out of Dean's hand. "Dean, you have to talk to him."

Dean glared, "Don't know what you're talking about, Sam."

"You know what I'm talking about," Sam said through gritted teeth. "It's been a month, Dean. You still haven't said a word to him. Hell, you barely even look at him nowadays! How do you think he feels?"

Dean stood up, "How he feels? How he feels? Do I look like I give a damn about how he feels? In case you haven't noticed, Sam, your wall's broken! He broke it, and now you're a wreck! Not to mention the amount of people he killed while playing God! You tell me Sam, why the hell would I want to speak to him? Hell, sometimes, I wish I'd just left him there!"

Sam was about to tell Dean to lower his voice, or Castiel would hear him. After all, Castiel was only in the guest room upstairs, seems to be in the guestroom upstairs most of the time. But then, Sam heard a rustle by the kitchen door and realised just what a sadistic bitch Fate was, because there was Castiel, frozen in the doorway, his eyes, as always, trained on Dean.

Castiel had lost some weight over the past month, his inexperience with humanity meaning that he usually forgot the essential concept of eating and drinking. He was wearing Sam's clothes, which hung off his frame and made him look even smaller. His face was clean shaven and hair well kept, having grasped the concept of cleaning himself easily enough under Sam's guidance. The look on Castiel's face though, a mix of regret and silent frustration, broke Sam's heart.

Dean turned to the doorway, and Sam watched Dean's face go hard and blank at the sight of Castiel. Grabbing the beer bottle off Sam, Dean marched out of the kitchen, roughly shouldering Castiel out of the way.

Silence remained in the kitchen for a while after Dean left. Sam sighed, "Cas, he didn't mean it, he's just - "

"I have finished the translations, Sam," Castiel cut through, his face as stoic as ever. "They are in Bobby's study. I'll be in my room if you need me."

"Cas," Sam began, but the man had already walked away. Sam sighed again, putting his head in his hands.

"Aw," a snarky voice drifted into Sam's ears, "is Cas and Dean not getting along? Maybe if I – "

"Shut up, Luci," Sam mumbled, pressing the cut on his hand hard. He was relieved to find that Lucifer's voice disappeared instantly. He was getting better at this.

Sam wracked his mind, trying to figure out a way to bring his stupid, absolute idiot of a brother to reconcile with an equally stupid, absolute idiot of a guardian angel together. He was sick of Dean's constant anger tantrums and Castiel's constant acceptance and moodiness. Sam couldn't even remember the last time Castiel had left the house. The once God now spent most of his time helping Bobby translate books and doing research for hunts. He never joined Dean and Sam on a hunt, and Dean had never asked him to.

Sam lifted his head up as Bobby entered the kitchen, reading from some papers.

"Cas sure translated this quick," Bobby grunted. "Where is he?"

"In his room," Sam answered. "Where he's always been, where he always will be as long as Dean just ignores him." Sam's eyes hardened. "And you know what? I'm going to do something about it! I'm sick of this! I'm sick of Dean have a little tantrum because Cas didn't listen to him! I'm tired of Cas drowning in his depression! I'm going to sort this out, Bobby, or –"

"Your name's not Sam Winchester?"

Sam didn't reply. He strode out of the kitchen, determined. Bobby watched him go and sighed.

"Idjits."

Later that day, Sam returned back to Bobby's house, after a trip to the local supermarket. He heaved the big parcel in his hands and prepared to take the stairs.

"Sammy! Where the hell have you been? It's been two hours, man!"

Sam didn't bother to glance at his brother and took the steps. "Was shopping, Dean. Got some stuff for Cas. Remember him? Used to be an angel? Kinda took us out of hell?"

The slam of the living room door was Sam's answer, but Sam paid no heed. He carried on up, careful not to drop his load. He stopped in front of Castiel's bedroom door and kicked at it gently.

"Cas?"

The door opened slowly and Castiel stared at him confusedly, "Sam?"

"Can I come in?"

"Of course." Castiel held the door open for Sam to shuffle in with his package. Sam quickly busied himself, settling the parcel on Castiel's table. Castiel's room was still as bare as ever, containing only the bed, the table and a cupboard.

"What is that, Sam?" Castiel's voice had a tinge of curiosity.

"This," Sam hefted out a large television from the box, "is a T.V with a dvd player." He put the TV on the table and plugged in the connections before standing back to admire his work.

"I do not wish to watch the tv," Castiel stated. "Perhaps Dean would prefer – "

"No," Sam said firmly, rummaging through the box again. "Dean's watched his fair share of tv." He turned to grin at Castiel, "You know I had some problem trying to find movies that you'd enjoy, but then I sussed it. Disney movies." He pulled out a pack of DVDs that had cartoony drawing on them.

Castiel frowned, "Those are for children."

Sam said, looking affronted, "No way, Cas. Disney's for everyone, no matter what Dean says. Now, let's watch Mulan."

Castiel watched Sam insert in the DVD before shrugging and sitting down on his bed. He made no protest when Sam grinned, switched the room lights off and plonked himself down next to Castiel's side.

"Been a while since I watched this. Trust me on this Cas, you're going to love it. It's awesome."

Sam grabbed the popcorn packet, readying himself as the titles began to scroll up the tv screen.

Sam had never heard Castiel laugh before. Hell, he could count on one hand the number of times the angel had smiled, and that was always in Dean's presence. Sam had accepted it as one of Castiel's neverending quirks; that Castiel seldom smiled and never laughed.

"What do you mean you're not lucky? You mean you lied to me? – And what are you – a sheep?"

Which was why Sam was more than a bit shocked to see Castiel throwing his head back and laughing uproariously, his eyes crinkling as they closed. Castiel had a nice laugh, and Sam found himself smiling unconsciously. Castiel had taken a liking to the dragon character "Mushu" and laughed everytime the creature said anything remotely funny.

"They popped out of the ground! Like daisies!"

Another laugh. And this time, Castiel let his head fall forward as he sniggered, almost gasping for breath. Sam grinned at the sight but his grin fell as he caught a movement by the door. He squinted at the door opening and could just make out Dean standing there. Dean hadn't even noticed Sam staring at him. He was too busy gazing at the laughing Castiel, a frown on his brows but the corners of his lips twitching. There was an odd look in Dean's eyes; a combination of longing and weariness.

Sam couldn't remember ever seeing his brother look so vulnerable.

The next morning, Dean was grumpier than usual.

"Pass the beer, Sam," Dean said briskly.

Sam tossed the bottle across the dining table, wishing that Bobby was there to reprimand Dean. But the older hunter was away, having been dragged off on a hunt by Rufus. Sam watched his brother lounge in his chair, tipping his head back to drink the alcohol.

"Think Cas wants to join us for breakfast?" Sam asked, watching his brother's reaction carefully.

"He's fine in his room," Dean kept his face impassive.

"I'll go ask him, just in case."

"Christ, Sam, just leave it!" Dean hissed, exasperate.

But Sam was already on his way out. He made to climb the stairs but stopped at the sight of Castiel walking down already.

"Oh, morning!" Sam was surprised, to say the least. Castiel never came down from his room, unless requested.

"Hello, Sam," Castiel nodded. "I was hoping to join you at breakfast."

Sam grinned widely, "Sure! Come one!" He reached up to grab Castiel's arm and dragged the man into the kitchen. "Hey Dean, you haven't finished all the eggs yet, have you?"

The look of shock on Dean's face was comical, and Sam fought to keep a straight face as he seated Castiel next to Dean. He could feel his brother's glare drilling holes into him.

As they settled to eat, Sam barely touched his food, his eyes flickering between his brother and Castiel. At that moment, Dean was watching Castiel try to eat his runny egg with a fork. There was a look of plain fondness on Dean's face.

"Use a spoon for that, Cas," Dean snapped. "Jeez."

Castiel complied. A few seconds of awkward silence passed before it was finally broken by Castiel.

"Sam and I watched "Mulan" yesterday," Castiel looked at Dean.

Dean seemed startled to hear Castiel's voice but he quickly recovered. " 'S a kid's movie," Dean muttered at his breakfast.

"I found it very entertaining," Castiel said, nodding to himself. "I am sure that you will enjoy it, Dean. General Shang very much reminded me of you."

Dean choked on his beer, "Dude, who?"

"He is also strong willed, courageous and yet, hot headed, stubborn and incredibly dense at times," Castiel said simply, seeming so concentrated on his breakfast that he was oblivious to Dean's glare.

Sam, however, laughed, "Guess that makes you Mulan, Cas."

Castiel shook his head, "I can only hope to be a fraction of what she is, Sam. Mulan was loyal, brave and she persevered even when – "

He cut himself off as Dean stood up and left the kitchen. Castiel watched Dean leave with an oddly fond smile on his face before turning to face Sam.

"How are you, Sam?" Castiel asked seriously.

Sam shrugged, "I'm okay, Cas. It's not easy, but I'm okay." He could feel anger and resentment at the angel stirring up within him, but he quelled them down. He didn't want to be angry anymore. There was no point to it. He just wanted his brother and Castiel to be happy.

Sam reached out to clasp Castiel's hand, "Give him time, Cas. Dean will come through."

Castiel smiled at him and squeezed San's hand, "I find it hard to believe, Sam, that I once found you an abomination. You are a true wonder, you're the – the flower that blooms in adversity."

Sam felt a red flush creep up his face. He cleared his throat and pushed himself up from the table, "Don't let Dean hear you say that. He'd get jealous."

Cas laughed, "He would and then – "

"Hate himself for it," Sam finished. He exchanged grins with the former angel.

Good, Sam thought, progress.

That night, Sam woke up to the sounds of yelling. He instantly wrenched his eyes open and leapt out of bed, running towards the source of the yells. Panic grew as he recognised Dean's voice.

"Dean?" Sam called out at the stairs landing.

"Here, Sammy!" Dean yelled from Castiel's room. Sam didn't pause to recognise this fact, instead, bolted into to the room.

Sam felt his jaw drop at the sight. Castiel was in his bed, spasming, his entire body shuddering violently, his legs tangled up with the covers. His eyes were tightly closed and hoarse, unrecognisable cries were escaping from his mouth. Dean was desperately trying to hold Castiel down.

"Sam! Help me, you idiot!"

"Oh, right!" Sam rushed forward to pin Castiel's shoulders down to the bed. "Cas?"

Castiel's back arched off the bed and a scream was torn out of his throat. Sam stifled the urge to shudder. The scream had sounded inhumane, as though wrought with eternal pain.

"C-Cas?" Dean cupped Castiel's face. Sam noticed how his hands were shaking slightly. "Come on, Cas, wake up now. It's alright, it's okay."

Castiel didn't respond. If anything, his fit became even more erratic and his subsequent scream was worse.

"The hell's going on here!" Bobby appeared by the door, still in his sleepwear.

"He won't stop, Bobby," Dean sounded completely defeated. "He just won't stop."

Bobby grumbled "idjits" under his breath and marched to Castiel's bed. He shoved Dean aside and placed a hand on Castiel's forehead.

"Oi! Feathers! Get up, you idjit!"

To Sam's surprise, Castiel's shuddering began to ease down to mere tremors, and his screams came down to small whimpers.

"Come on, boy," Bobby sat on the bed, pulling Castiel's body into his arms, so that Cas was leaning against his chest. "Wake up now."

Castiel's eyes opened slowly, though he still seemed to be stuck in a dreamland of sorts.

"Balthazar," Castiel whispered, his eyes gaining a haunted shade. "Balthazar."

Sam felt Dean shift uncomfortably next to him. He knew that Dean had never like the smug angel, and really, neither did he, but they were both curious about what had happened to Balthazar.

Castiel drew in a shuddering breath and Sam was shocked to see tears falling slowly down his cheeks, "I killed him."

Sam automatically took a step away from the bed, reeling from the statement. Sure, the blonde angel had never exactly been likeable, but he had helped in the end. And no matter what, Balthazar had always seemed to have Castiel's best interests at heart.

Cas was staring at his hands with horrified eyes, "I forgot! How did I forget? Why did I…?" Castiel's lower lip trembled. "Balthy."

Bobby made Castiel lie back down onto the bed, "No point regretting the past now. Just get some sleep now."

Castiel's voice was choked full of grief, "I'm sorry."

Sam didn't know whether the apology was directed at the dead Balthazar, or directed to Dean. Sam watched Dean silently leave the room, looking somewhat shaken.

He sighed. Great, just great.

*********************************************************(break)************************

"I'm sorry," Castiel lowered his eyes.

Sam sighed, replaying the events of the past few minutes in head again. Lucifer had showed up again, and this time, Sam hadn't been able to banish him. It had quickly turned into a massacre and Sam was forced to watch Lucifer stab and flay his brother. It had taken Castiel to free Sam from the hallucination; his touch seemed to rid Sam of Lucifer, or at the very least, it helped.

But Dean wasn't happy that Sam was still having nightmares about Lucifer. He wasn't happy that his little brother was still forced to endure Lucifer's torture. He wasn't happy with Cas, full stop.

Dean's glare grew more pronounced. He stood up and strode to where Castiel was sitting before grasping Castiel's shirt and wrenching the former angel up from his seat.

"You keep saying that," Dean said. "What exactly are you sorry for, Cas?"

Castiel lifted his head and looked Dean in the eyes.

"I'm sorry for many things, Dean. I'm sorry for breaking your brother's wall. I'm sorry for lying to you, I'm sorry for trying to be God. I'm sorry for killing all my brothers and sisters, for killing Balthazar. I'm sorry for hurting you, Dean. I'm sorry."

Dean's hold on Castiel's shirt tightened, "And what about your deal with Crowley, Cas? What about you not listening to me when I told you leave Purgatory alone? What about going through with the plan no matter how stupid it was?"

Sam exchanged glances with Bobby, who rolled his eyes. There was a sort of tension in the room that seemed to grow with each passing second that Castiel was silent.

"Cas!" Dean demanded a reply.

"No, Dean," Castiel said with steel in his voice. "I am not sorry for that. I did what I needed to do. I had no choice and I am not sorry for that, for any of those you mentioned. There was no other way, Dean."

Dean stared at Castiel, "You fucking bastard."

Castiel raised an eyebrow, "I did the right thing."

Dean exploded. He shoved Castiel back, so Castiel fell hard into the sofa. "You worked with a demon!"

Castiel was on his feet in an instant, "So did you!"

"That was different!" Dean yelled back.

"Oh yes," Castiel rolled his eyes. "Of course, it's different if Dean Winchester did it! You're the very compass of morality."

"You bastard," Dean looked aghast that Castiel could even try to argue with him. "Your plan to pop purgatory could have destroyed the world!"

"Your plan to put Lucifer back in the box was no less better!" Castiel shouted, somehow sounding a lot more terrifying that Dean. "But I supported you! I had faith in you, despite the countless of mistakes you had made! I took the risk, just like you, because I had to! Or Raphael would have destroyed your world anyway! Your world, Dean! I fought a war to save your world! I killed my brothers, lost my brothers for your world! I had to deal with a demon for you!"

Dean shook his head vigourously, "No Cas, you don't get to pin this one on me! I never asked you to fight for me! I never asked you to do any of those! You should have come to see me the first instant you had trouble on your hands."

Castiel gazed at Dean steadily, his eyes inscrutable, "It's pointless to make you understand, Dean. Of course." He turned to the door, ready to leave the room. Presumably to lock himself in his bedroom.

"Oh, you're walking away now," Dean's voice was icy. "Well, looks like you're stuck with us humans now. Not much fun, is it? 'Fraid you sealed your fate when you sealed your deal with Crowley!"

Sam flinched. It wasn't like Dean to purposely use words to hurt someone. But Dean was different around Castiel, always have been. Sam glanced at Castiel and was just in time to see Castiel grab the beer bottle by the door and throw it right at Dean. Dean ducked just in time.

The beer bottle sailed past, crashed into the wall and smashed into pieces.

Castiel was breathing heavily, his face the model of righteous anger. Then, just as quickly as the anger came, it disappeared and the normal calm mask settled back on Castiel's face. Not looking back at Dean once, he walked out of the hall. A few seconds later, the sound of the front door open and slam shut resonated through the house.

Sam looked at Dean, who seemed frozen in place, a mix of emotions running through his face. Sam cleared his throat.

"Dean…"

"Shut up," Dean scowled, heading to the kitchen.

Why, Sam felt like wailing in despair, why do they have to be so stupid?

As if in answer, it began raining.

8*****************************************

A few hours later, Sam found Dean in his room, sitting on the bed, clutching a trenchcoat.

"You still haven't given that back to him?" Sam sat next to Dean.

"He hasn't asked yet," Dean growled.

Sam rolled his eyes. Before he could say anything though, he saw the piece of paper in Dean's hand.

"What's that?" Sam nudged his brother, who seemed to be in a dreamlike state.

"Found it in the coat pocket," Dean said. He hesitated before handing the crumpled paper to Sam. Sam read it eagerly.

How to make Dean laugh:

Accompany him to the Den of Iniquity

"You breed with the mouth of a goat"

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. (The chicken seems to have suicidal tendencies)

Make Dean watch Mulan

Sam handed the slip back to Dean, "Wow."

Dean's frown deepened, "Yeah."

It was two in the morning and Sam found himself sharing a beer with Dean at the stairs just by the front door. Why? Because despite it all, Sam was a good brother who didn't want his idiot of a brother to drown himself in alcohol waiting for his angel to come home.

"He's late back," Dean glowered at the front door. "It's frigging raining too. He's going to catch a cold, the idiot."

Sam kept silent for a while, "Cas kinda got agitated when you mentioned him sealing the deal with Crowley."

"Sam – "

"You don't think that maybe… maybe Crowley made him…you know, like Lilith, ….seal the deal by - "

"Sam!" Dean's voice grew hard. "I don't want to think about it."

Sam saw Dean's hands clench into tight fists and wisely changed the subject.

"Maybe we should go looking for him," Sam suggested.

Dean shook his head, "No. He'll come back." He nodded to himself. "Cas always comes back."

It was four in the morning when Bobby's front door opened and Castiel stepped in.

Sam shivered just by looking at the soaking wet, bedraggled man. Castiel had obviously been in the heavy rain for hours judging by the puddle he had already formed from the water dripping from his clothes, and his very pale skin.

Castiel paused at the sight of Dean and Sam at the stairs, "Hello."

Dean stood and climbed down the last few steps to stand before Castiel. Sam rolled his eyes, watching Dean yet again invade the former angel's personal space.

"Thought you'd have decided to go," Dean said. His voice was hoarse and his hand clenched the beer bottle tightly.

Castiel looked at Dean with his penetrating gaze, "I would never leave you, Dean."

Dean looked startled from the revelation, "Okay…"

"I want you to be happy, Dean" Castiel said. "I have always wanted you to be happy. Me leaving will only further increase your guilt, the torment you inflict upon yourself…I am sorry for what has happened between us, Dean. But you should know that I am here for you. I will always be here for you. I promise Dean, that I will not leave you."

Dean's face was resolutely blank, but Sam could see that his grip on that beer bottle was so tight, the bottle was in danger of breaking.

Castiel frowned, "I know you, Dean. I cradled your soul when I carried you from Hell. I pieced you together, one strand of memory after another. I know how much you've suffered, how much has been placed on your shoulders, how you've endured through it all. You are the most beautiful of my Father's creations, because you're flawed, you're often very wrong and stubborn, with a habit of uttering words you don't mean to say, but you're brave, and you're right, and so very strong." Castiel looked down at his feet, his hands subconsciously fidgeting, "And everytime I hear you laugh, everytime I see you smile, it makes me happy." Castiel looked up and peered closer at Dean's face, his frown smoothing out, and his lips formed a genuine smile, "You make me happy, De – "

Sam had to blink a few times before he could confirm the sight before him. Dean had let go of the beer bottle, allowing the bottle to crash and break onto the floor. He had then taken another step towards Castiel so that their chests were touching, before grasping Castiel's collar and wrenching the once angel forward, smashing his lips against Castiel's. It was a hard, brutal kiss, as though somehow Dean wanted to get across all his feelings in a few short seconds. Castiel instantly responded to the kiss, leaning in closer into Dean and placing one hand in Dean's hair and the other at Dean's waist.

Sam tried not to retch at the sight of his brother passionately kissing another. Luckily the kiss only lasted a few more seconds before Dean broke off and rested his forehead against Castiel's.

"I'm sorry," Dean whispered, his eyes closed and panting a little. "Sorry for being such a dick."

Castiel's answering smile was soft, "You wouldn't be Dean Winchester if you weren't being a male's appendage."

Dean laughed, and pulled Castiel into another kiss, this time soft and sweet.

Sam watched and this time, smiled.

He hoped this happiness would last.

Your opinions would be greatly appreciated, so please leave your comments! I'm planning on doing a sequel to this where Balthazar returns and Dean and Castiel's relationship is further explored. =)