Illusionary

Summary: We all read of stories surrounding the loss of Cloud's mind due to Aeris' demise, and often Tifa is the one who supports and attempts to guide him through his pain and strife, frequently experiencing pain and strife of her own as a result. But what happens, if in one scenario, the roles are nearly reversed? What happens when it's Cloud who offers the support to Tifa, who seems to experience bouts of unrelentingly anguish and...guilt?

Chapter 1

Times had changed. The world seemed as if it flipped inside out. The threat of the end had vanished, and the victors of such a feat lived their lives like regular, common folk. Although close in spirit, their residences seemed to spread across the globe, each residing in the habitant best suited for their nature.

Tifa Lockhart in particular, found her choice spot to be Kalm, just to the South of where Midgar used to be—where it's reconstruction was rapidly taking place. Despite the close proximity, she made an effort to stay far from those affairs. However, if a threat arose once again, one could bet she would be the first in line to bring whatever plans constructed to a startling halt. More lives would not be lost due to whatever horrendous plans the new government would concoct in the future.

The brunette returned to a live a life that was most natural to her. Though her funds were suitable enough for her to probably live a more than comfortable life without having to lift another finger again, she chose to entertain herself with the notion that the working world, the drunkards, and the punks needed her to mix a drink or two to sooth their aching heads and hearts. Managing the bar "7th Heaven" in memory of her fallen haven, she kept herself occupied most days and late nights. Help was hired, offering jobs to those in desperate need. Many did not last due to various reasons, each ranging from poor skill with the bottle to finding a job more respectable to ones' image. Tifa never minded when someone would quit. It was only when she had to terminate an employee where she tended to have any bit of difficulty at all.

Someone accompanied Tifa Lockhart in her two-story blue villa. Cloud Strife often took the position of her wandering roommate, coming and going as he pleased, always welcomed by a smiling face and a warm voice whenever he came to return to what and who was most familiar.

"Do you regret anything you did during that time?"

The crackling of the blazing fireplace blared as silence enveloped the living room, the fire sizzled as the flames toasted the splintered wood. All that occupied the room were two. Two best friends seated before the fiery red and orange inferno upon the cream cushions of a loveseat planted to the hardwood flooring. Cloud reclined to one side of the furniture while the ever bashful Tifa sat comfortably to the opposite. Her words cast a shadow of thought to the young mans' features as his mind began contemplating, remembering, recalling any bits of information he could acquire to answer her inquiry.

"Hard to say. Several of my actions I at times regret. But, when I look at the bigger picture, I wonder if the things I did I changed, would I be like I am today. Would the world be safe from him." He didn't like to speak his name any longer. It sent a taste of disgust that he wished not to experience. "Would I be here..." he fell silent, his Mako irises securely placed to the fire, careful not to wander.

Lockhart sat silent for many moments, absorbing his words. She could relate; the answer to her own question was similar. But moreover, she regretted things she didn't do, or couldn't bring herself to do. Maybe if she did, a few things might be different now...

"What about you?" Strife asked suddenly, his gaze moving to glance at his childhood friend, who returned the stare with a thoughtful expression. "Do you regret anything?"

"Not really." It wasn't a complete lie, just not the entire truth. "Sometimes I regret the things I didn't do or say..."

He began to look at her inquisitively, shifting in his position as he placed an ankle to his knee, "Like what?"

"Oh...it's not really important." After all this time, all these years, she still couldn't bring herself to speak from her heart and not her mind. Crossing her legs as she placed her palms to her knees, she tilted her head to the side as she smiled ever so slightly, "Besides, it's too late anyway."

"Oh no, it's not," Cloud remarked coolly as he wagged his finger in a playful gesture, "It's never too late."

Tifa looked down to her feet, her smile vanishing instantly, "That's not true. It's too late for many things, and people."

A sudden melancholy washed over the duo as they reflected on the words. One person came to mind. Burnt auburn locks, enchanting green eyes, pale skin and pretty pink lips—their fallen flower girl. Sacrifice was appreciated when dedicated to the right cause, but the effects in the aftermath can be just as devastating as the event the moment it occurred. A moment of silence to the remembrance, the mourning of a loved one.

"She had a crush on you, you know," Tifa said softly, nearly in a whisper. The words seemed to almost pain her to mention, as if tiny needles had inched their way into her beating heart and twisted in such an unrelenting fashion that it made her clench. "It was there in her eyes the whole time."

"I know." He appeared lost in thought for a time before speaking again, "I'm not completely clueless. Her subtle advances didn't go totally unnoticed. I noticed. I think I had a crush on her too."

That time was in the past. Despite this, Tifa couldn't help but feel the sting of jealousy. He could see Aeris' feelings plain as day, but not her own? Just twist those needles a little more to the right... "Could you see yourself pursuing it?" The question itself was painful to ask, but the jolt of curiosity outweighed any logic to refrain from asking entirely.

"I don't know," he answered honestly, shifting uncomfortably. He sat forward, his elbows to his knees as he stared deeply into fireplace, the dancing flames settling slightly from its raging fury to a calm descent. "It's possible. We never really had the chance to know anything further about each other. You know, circumstances and all. When she met me, I was something not so real. I twisted who I was... She didn't meet me. She even told me, when we went out to Gold Saucer together that she wanted to meet 'me'. I didn't understand it then, not until you helped save me." Shaking his head with the vaguest trace of a smile to his lips, he leaned back, returning his gaze to Tifa, who was currently fumbling with the hem of her denim skirt. "I can't help but wonder at times, if it was Zack instead of me that she felt the affection toward."

"There's really no telling now, is there?" The whisper was so soft, so barely audible that the blond hero had to strain to hear her. The remembrance of their beloved friend was an invited, yet painful memory to behold, and the sudden topic left her feeling awkward and unnerved. "It's all over now. Ever aspect of the past is over now."

Wisely choosing not to respond to the comment, he too redirected his attention to the flames, a smile continuing to linger upon his lips, "I wonder if she misses it here, or maybe she's happier where she is now..."

Tifa nodded; a smile of her own coming to show, "I think she's happy. She's happy that she sees her sacrifice made a difference, and helped save us all."

Cloud nodded as her words, "I'm sure you're right. Sometimes..." his voice thickened with emotion as his face suddenly darkened in thought, "I wish I could speak to her one last time. Tell her, at the very least, 'thank you'."

A pang of empathetic sympathy struck Lockhart's chest as she looked at the blonde through the corner of her wine colored eye, "Me too."

Another silence overcame the pair, the silence alone proving their mutual understanding, perhaps even sending a prayer to their beloved friend...a prayer of thanks. Thanks for the sacrifice, the love and support she gave during her time of life, for being loving and warm, full of life before her light was snuffed. Thank you forever.

A yawn erupted from Strife's open mouth as he raised his fists above his head in a stretch, "Gee, stocking your inventory sure exhausted the hell out of me. Too bad you're a woman, or you could have done it yourself," he quipped with a sly grin in an attempt to lighten the mood, eyes sparkling in complete amusement.

Tifa at once jumped on the playful defensive wagon, her body stiffening as she gripped one of the sofa pillows and hurled it at his head, "You're the one who needed to prove his macho tendencies, assuring me you could handle it!" She retorted with a chuckle.

Cloud, anticipating the attack, caught the airborne mound of fluff between his palms and set it to his side, "And I did...just not very well I guess." He smiled genuinely, which nearly took Tifa off guard, for a trace of surprise lingered in her eyes. It had been a long while since she'd seen a smile like it coming from him. "I'm going to bed. Are you coming up?"

Shifting her attention to the dying fire, she shook her head in negation, which earned a near frown from her friend. "Tifa...you're exhausted and you know it."

It was true. She had spent several hours more than normal at '7th Heaven', and her eyelids were drooping as they spoke, but the atmosphere, the comfort of the heat the flames emitted, its light casting a soft, radiant glow to her pale skin was too comforting to pass up. "No, I'm fine, really. I don't need an escort to my room."

Cloud continued to stare at her, appearing to be quite reluctant to make the trek up the steps. She was suddenly a sight he dare not look away from. "You don't, but I would like one."

Lockhart turned to gaze at him, a butterfly or two fluttering within the pit of her stomach. Cloud's expression caught the woman off guard, the seriousness of his statement displayed upon his lips. Banishing all hopeful thoughts from her mind, she decided to keep their conversation to a lighter tone, smiling cutely as she tilted her head to the side. "Now Cloud, I thought you told me you weren't scared of the dark anymore? Go on, you'll be just fine."

Finding it easier to stick with the playful exchange, Cloud merely nodded, reaching a hand behind his neck to rub uncomfortably, strangely surprised at his own words once they fell from his lips. "Yeah well, I lied. I still need a night-light after all. Do you promise the boogie man won't get me?" He pouted a bit, his lower lip trembling considerably.

Laughing kindly, she shook her head, waving a hand in the direction of the stairwell. "Of course I promise. And if he does, call and I'll come running. Now go to sleep!"

Dragging in his steps, Cloud proceeded toward the stairs like a child being sent to his room. Once reaching its base however, he turned to look at his companion one last time before the final call of his bed echoed in his ears. "Good night, Tifa." He spoke softly as each syllable was carried gently through the warmth of the air to the female at the sofa, who smiled solemnly at the bid of adieu. Turning once more, he made his climb to the top, leaving behind an emotionally exhausted Lockhart.

Why did everything suddenly feel too entirely complicated? Why were her feelings eating her alive? She was content in this setting. Cloud was near, usually, unless he sought out on one of his spontaneous travels. She knew he left to be alone, to reflect, and God knew what else. After all this time between the historic past and present, he still carried many unresolved feelings, and incomplete thoughts. He was nearly whole, but a few kinks needed working out. Tifa did all she could, but there are some things in life that must be repaired by oneself, and no other.

She watched him ascend the stairs, her eyes never leaving his retreating figure as he disappeared into the upper darkness. Their conversation had been the first in months, and it was of the past. It was always the past. But Tifa was always the one to bring it up.

Maybe it wasn't only Cloud who continued to carry insecurities. At least he was dealing, while Tifa was denying.

Lying upon the length of the loveseat, she continued to stare into the depths of the vanishing blaze as her mind wandered. All thoughts that began with something else, all ended with Cloud. To her misfortune, he continued to be the center of her universe, whether he was present within her life or not.

Sleep was beginning to overcome her will even though she had intentions of snuggling in the sheets of her own bed, across the hall, from him. Where he would be so close, and forever so very far...

He knew. He had to know her feelings. Was his silence, his refusal to acknowledge them his own way of rejection? After the trauma, after her not so blunt confession under the Highwind of what was to be believed as possibly their last night together, he still hadn't said anything, still never truly responded. Perhaps, just letting go was her only option.

Letting go...

Darkness. Despite zero visibility, the pair of lovers needed no light, no eyes to see. Their touch was more than enough. They saw with no eyes, but with fingers, skin, and lips. Their voices crisp and clear, gentle moans and throes of love as bodies entwined like the stars with the nights velvety sky. There was warmth, there was lust, and there were all things good and sexually satisfying.

"Tifa..." A voice rumbled gently through the air as the male curled his fingers around several locks of chocolate brown hair. The female below squirmed deliciously beneath him, her limbs clinging as their union came to its full potential, their love at its very peak.

"Oh Cloud..." she moaned, her strength leaving her in droves as their bodies trembled in unison, their lips moving to press together to seal the bond completely...

In a wisp of cold, chilling nights wind, the blond vanished, and the scenery changed. Darkness continued to surround the female as she looked about herself in confusion and alarm. The change was too sudden—there was no sense to it.

"Be guilty..." A hateful whisper in the wind blew against the young woman's' ear. She turned, searching for the owner of the voice. No sign, no trace of any other life form but her own.

"Treacherous..." This whisper was louder, and strangely familiar. Feminine.

Confusion was deeper than ever before; and suddenly fear reigned over Tifa's heart. She had no words to defend herself. She stood in the endless darkness, speechless.

"I loved him! You knew, how can you touch what was MINE!?" A vile shout in her ear, and the force, the anger of the tone weakening her as she fell to the floor. Reaching to grip her hair, she closed her eyes as tears formed behind the lids. There was no longer fear, but terror, and guilt.

"Feel guilty...feel pain. He should not be yours..." This voice was calm, clear, but full of menace. The young female recognized it completely.

Aeris.

End Chapter 1