A/N: So! Mystery Science Theater+RWBY+Fanfiction= Good idea, right?! For those of you who don't know what Mystery Science Theater 3000 is, it's an old TV show that had a guy sit in a space station and comment on old movies. But like, really funny. Anyway, I've held you up long enough; let's get this show on the road!

*A figure enters a classroom at Beacon*

Azure Helios: Hello?

*The TV at the front of the classroom lights up, displaying Yang Xiao Long*

Yang: BOO!

Azure: *sigh* Yang, why am I here?

Yang: You'll see. There are two others coming, and I don't wanna explain it three times.

Azure: *shrug* Fine, as long as they don't take too long.

*Blake Belladonna walks into the room*

Blake: Azure. Yang. Why am I here?

Azure: *Shrug* Beats me. Yang said she'd explain when one more person gets here.

*Enter Ruby Rose*

Ruby: Hey guys! Why are you here?

Blake: Yang was just about to explain.

*All three sit down*

Yang: Alright. Have any of you ever seen Mystery Dust Theater 3000?

*All three nod*

Yang: Well, I thought we'd do that, but with fanfiction!

Azure: *eyes widening* Yang, no!

*The classroom doors slam shut and lock*

Yang: Yang yes!

Blake: *Groan*

Azure: *grumbling*

Ruby: Um, so what're we reading, sis?

Yang: *grin* Oh, you'll like this! It's called "Ruby Discovers Futa"!

Azure: *pales* Oh god no.

Yang: Too late! It's already starting!

*Buzz*

All: We've got a story sign!

Glynda sighed as she viewed the holocasts weather predictions.

Blake: It had stolen her apostrophe again.

Azure: I'm leaving if all you're gonna do is complain about grammar.

Ruby: But the doors are locked!

Azure: *sigh* I know, Rubes.

The next week called for snow and freezing temperatures, this in addition to the current week's start of six feet of snow in both Vale and Beacon Academy,

Azure: How the hell does that much snow even fall so quickly?

Blake: Perhaps Weiss' family was experimenting with freeze Dust again.

effectively putting Vale into hibernation

Ruby: Pfft.

Azure: You just imagined Vale as a big sleeping Ursa, didn't you?

Ruby: It's cute!

as the residents chose to wait out the storm.

Ozpin, unfortunately for Glynda's sake, thought it best to do the exact same thing.

"Ozpin, with all due respect..."

Azure: "Your tie is crooked."

Blake: Weak.

Azure: It's my first time!

Glynda began, turning from the holo-screen to face Ozpin, who was sitting at his desk, calmly sipping on a mug of hot coffee.

Azure: Why is it that fanfiction writers always make him a coffee addict?

Ruby: Well, he does seem glued to that mug every time I've seen him.

"Yes, Glynda?" Ozpin responded, setting his mug down on the desk to give Glynda his full attention.

Glynda fidgeted with collar

Blake: She had dropped a word down it.

temporarily before setting her hands at her side. "Why not have the students dig Beacon out of this blizzard?"

Azure: Ignore ALL the child labor laws!

Glynda fidgeted in place again as she continued, "We wouldn't be stuck here, and the students that need to return home for the winter could safely leave during the evening when the skies are clearer."

Blake: If the skies aren't clear, then how could they leave?

Azure: Imaaaginaaaattiion.

Ozpin paused, thinking Glynda's words over. "While you do make a excellent

Azure and Blake: *facepalm*

case, Glynda, I'm afraid Beacon needs to stay put.

Ruby: "Cancel the giant bulldozer."

Sure, we could use the students to dig out the school, giving them a great example of teamwork and group effort-"

Azure: "Or we could just launch them into the Forest again."

Blake: "But my charges are already too big. I'm already going to prison for life."

Ozpin paused again, taking a long sip from his mug, setting it back down again before he resumed speaking.

"-but at the risk of the students quite literally making out

Ruby:...

Azure: *snicker*

in the spring term. And you and I both know making out will be the tamest thing to expect from children at these ages, sheltered from outside contact, and stuck with people of both the same and opposite sex for prolonged periods of time..."

Ruby: *furious blushing*

Azure: *bursts into laughter*

Blake: *smirk*

Glynda nervously gulped as metaphorical images flew across her brain. Blushing, she nodded.

Azure: "So... Are you coming to visit, or...?" *smacked by Ruby*

Ruby: THAT'S OUR HEADMASTERS!

Azure: Worth it.

"But Ozpin, you do realize a good portion of our female students are more...aggressive in certain areas?" Glynda cautiously worded, trying to skirt around a delicate subject.

Ruby:...

Azure: Oh, now it's getting good. I wish I had a video camera.

Ozpin grinned as a list of names and pictures appeared behind him.

Blake: "This is the list of who I've killed."

"I most certainly do, Glyna. If you look behind me,

Azure: Pretty sure she's already looking, if the screen is big enough.

you can see I've kept a "eye" of sorts on these special students of ours, including one Miss CinderFall,

Ruby: CinderFall, the notorious superhero!

be she in disguise or not."

Azure: Hold on. They know Cinder's in the school. They've locked the school down for an undetermined amount of time, and they're just letting her roam around?!

Ruby: Seems that way.

Azure: *facepalm*

Glynda shuddered. "The only name not on the list besides my own is-"

"Ruby Rose." Ozpin finished.

Ruby: *pales*

Azure: Oh, this is gonna be GOOD.

"Glynda, have classes cancelled for the next two weeks,

Ruby: TWO WEEKS?!

and all students remain inside Beacon Academy until told otherwise."

Blake: They're either missing a "tell" or a "have".

Azure: You're just gonna keep pointing that out, aren't you?

Blake: I quit when he does.

Ozpin took another swig from his mug,

Azure: See? Addicted.

before standing to leave. "You know Glynda, my quarters is always open if you need somewhere to rest." He mentioned as he walked out of the room.

Azure: Can someone pick up the phone?

Ruby: Why? There's no phones around.

Azure: Because I FUCKING CALLED IT!

Ruby: Eep!

Yang Xiao Long boringly

Azure: Is that a word?

Blake: Let's pretend.

stared out the window, watching the snow fall from inside her shared room with the rest of Team RWBY. "Being stuck at Beacon for the week was not at all what I had planned."

Azure: Oh trust me, it's better than whatever you did have planned.

"That makes two of us." Blake Belladonna and Weiss Schnee chimed in at the same time, quickly shooting the other a glare of contempt before laughing.

Azure: There's something I never thought I'd see. *smacked by Blake*

Ruby: I'm sure it could happen, given enough time.

Weiss lay in bed, the sheets wrapped around her as she read through both a light novel and a detailed manual on running a corporation.

Ruby: At the same time?

Blake: Impressive.

Blake preferred to be without sheets as she sketched in a large private artbook.

Azure: What kind of 'private'? *eyebrow waggle* *punched by Blake*

Yang turned back to look at the laughing duo. "What's got you two mortal rivals giggling like schoolgirls?"

Ruby: Maybe because they are schoolgirls?

Weiss rolled her eyes as she ignored Yang's joke. "Har har har, Yang's humor hits dead center again." She commented bluntly.

Azure: Oh come on, it wasn't that bad.

Yang laughed. "Oh come on, my humor isn't that bad."

Azure:...

Blake: It's scary how good you are at that.

Blake flattened her cat ears, having removed her bow earlier as her ears were hot.

Blake: My ears are hot during a blizzard?

Ruby: Any excuse to see them!

Blake: You just think they're cute.

Ruby: Yup!

"Actually...it is. Some new material wouldn't hurt either. No harm meant, Yang."

Blake: Well, her puns can get a bit annoying...

Yang (from TV): Hey!

Yang waved off Blake's comment. "Ah, you're right. I suppose I've finally run out of jokes, or I'm at least scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Azure: Knowing her, I'm surprised that wasn't a pun.

But where to get new humor from..." She mused, starting to pace on the floor.

Ruby: As opposed to the ceiling.

Yang's train of thought was interrupted as the intercom in the halls rang through the open doorway.

Azure: Why would they keep their door open?

Ruby: Well, why not?

Azure: It just seems weird...

"To all students: Due to resulting inclement conditions surrounding Vale

Azure: Okay, seriously, how is there a blizzard surrounding the entirety of Vale?

Blake: To give this story some flimsy legs to stand on.

and Beacon Academy, classes and all extra-curricular activities

Azure: Oh, don't worry. They'll be doing plenty of 'extracurricular activities'. *eyebrow waggle*

have been suspended for two weeks, or until the snowstorm lets up. Recommended Curfew has been extended to midnight, and the gym, spa, and food hall are now open 24/7 to all qualifying students. Thank you, and stay safe."

Azure: What's the occasion?

Blake: Arousal.

As soon as the announcement ended, Yang rushed to door, quickly closing the entrance to Team RWBY's room. She noticed Pyrrha of Team JNPR do likewise with Nora behind her.

Ruby: I have a sickening feeling they're going to be in this too...

"Ladies, do you know what this means?"

Azure: "We can stay up playing video games!"

Yang excitedly asked as she watched a visible bulge appear underneath Weiss' sheets and Blake's art book raise itself off her lap.

Blake: *blushes and scowls*

Ruby: *hides behind cloak*

Azure: Wow Blake. You must be getting really hard for it to be able to raise a book. *dodges swing by Blake*

Blake and Weiss both blushed.

Blake: Gee, I WONDER WHY.

Azure: Kitty likes to scratch! Mrawr!

"Two weeks of hiding from everyone for fear of being called a freak?" Weiss cowered.

Azure: Okay, if everyone in the school except Ruby and Goodwitch have dicks, I'm pretty sure they'd know about it.

"Two weeks of torture having to look at sweaty women and unable to do anything about it?" Blake added.

Azure: *looks at Blake* *raises eyebrow*

Blake: *snarls* *flips off Azure*

Yang sighed at her comrades lack of enthusiasm.

Blake: They wanted to take the apostrophes out of everything!

Yang grinned triumphantly. "It means these two weeks are our heaven sent mating season!"

All: *facepalm*

Ruby: That's what we're going with? Mating season?!

Weiss and Blake both cowered again at the prospect of a mating season.

Blake: As we should!

Yang groaned in frustration as she threw her jacket off, pitching her scarf on the desk across the room.

Azure: "Who needs clothes?!"

"Alright, apparently nobody gave either of you the third gender talk.

Ruby: Uh, the what now?

On my bed, now. Ruby's making cookies, so we've got time for a quick explanation of how things work."

Ruby: Yay! Cookies!

Azure: Can you bake, Rubes?

Ruby: I dabble.

Author's Note: Because nobody thought a Ruby x Futa!Harem would be a good idea, here we are. It's a horrible thing, right?

Ruby and Blake: Yes!

Azure: Well... *smacked by both girls*

Nah, I'm kidding. If you have any suggestions on the other ladies equipment specifications, send me a PM.

Ruby and Blake:...

Azure: "Step right up! Give your suggestions on what a lady's penis should look like, and it might show up in the book!"

Up next: -Chapter One: Ladybug-

Azure: Sorry story, we're done for now.

Blake: Thankfully.

Yang: So how was it?

Ruby: Oy vey.

Blake: Pretty bad.

Azure: Meh.

Yang: Great! Good to hear it! Now you're free to go!

*The classroom doors unlock and swing open*

Azure: Where'd you get this technology, Yang?

Yang: I know a guy.

Azure: Can I meet him?

Yang: Nope.

*Yang presses a button, and the TV turns off with a blip*

Azure: Well that was fun.

Blake: It was certainly something.

Ruby: I'd do it again, if it wasn't something like... That.

Azure: Oh don't worry. I have a feeling we'll be back here soon...

The trio exit, and the door swings shut behind them.