Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. All Spooks related characters, storylines etc belong to Kudos and BBC television. Not me. No copyright infringement is intended or should be inferred. This story is a very very strong T verging on an M. This is the companion piece to One Fine Day.

Memories

It was dark when Ros finally gave in and tried to close her eyes. The suspect arrested over the threat to the London Olympics had been in custody for a little over twelve hours, during which time she had been convinced three of her team, including one of the few she actually considered a friend had been killed. She smiled slightly when she thought of Zaf. It seemed the cheeky, happy-go-lucky lad actually did have a very strong survival instinct. When she had asked him what the Hell he had been playing at he had shrugged his shoulders, smiled and just stated he had Zoe and the kids to get home to and that was that. Like her. She had Lucas, Amy and James to come home too. Sighing heavily, she knew he was right. She also knew there was no way she was going to be able to sleep. Ros swore under her breath before turning on her side to stare at her husband. Lucas, it seemed had no trouble sleeping. The casual observer would think he had no cares in the world, his dark hair ruffled and pale face seemed untroubled by the world's troubles. Ros knew that was far from the truth.

"Ros." Lucas kept his eyes closed as he spoke. Ros raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Stop watching me." He smiled as he spoke. He knew he had caught her red handed. Ros smirked. There were very few people that would know when she was watching them. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She propped herself on her elbow as he finally opened his eyes to watch her. She focused on the tattoos on his bare chest and decided not to tell him what was really going through her mind. She knew Ruth was right, there was no way she was going to be able to go through reliving her memories, if they were actually memories. She still had no idea what had happened to her and had refused to read any of the transcripts from the interviews Harry and Zaf had conducted with Harrison. "Ros."

"Sorry." She touched his chest, gently running her fingers along the old Russian tattoo. He caught his hand in his as he began to kiss her. Ros slipped her hand into his messy dark hair and kissed him back. Lucas smiled slightly, the first to pull away gasping for air he rested his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes again as his hand slipped up under the white vest top she wore.

"Lucas." She pulled away, hating herself for rejecting him. He sighed as he watched her walk away, grabbing her robe as she walked.

"What is it?"

"I think I heard James." Ros lied fluently, knowing that Lucas would see straight through her lies. Amy was the one who heard every little creek but James was like his father. Once he was asleep there was nothing that could wake him.

"Ok." Lucas laid back on the bed. He knew Ros was pushing him away and he had no idea why.

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"Harry," Ruth walked into the living room as he sat on the sofa staring at the television. A documentary about World War Two spies had caught his attention and she knew he would be sat there trying to see what the differences in twenty-first century spies and the 1940s counterparts. She smiled slightly as she saw him sat there with Scarlet curled up at his feet.

"Ruth." He smiled as she sat next to him. "Is everything alright?"

"No." He snapped his eyes away from the television, immediately worried about his heavily pregnant wife.

"The house is like a bomb site, so we are stuck in this safe house with the cats, Scarlett and Nick. I'm about to drop and I think Ros is having some sort of breakdown." She bit her lip as she watched Harry try to work out what she was really worried about.

"Why do you think that?"

"I promised I wouldn't say but I think it has something to do with what happened at the school."

"Harrison." Harry almost hissed the name as Ruth looked at her hands.

"Beth said she was almost catatonic at the house explosion today. Lucas and Dimitri pulled a load of rubble and a door from her. Beth said it was almost like she had shut down. It was Lucas and Zaf issuing orders and organising the team while she seemed to disappear into herself." Ruth sighed as Harry covered her hand with his own. She stopped fidgeting immediately.

"Ok," Harry paused. "I am not sending her to Tring. That place."

"Would analyse her to within an inch of her sanity. She wouldn't be the same Ros." Ruth bit her bottom lip. "She wouldn't be the same. Now once I would have thought that was a good thing."

"Now?"

"Harry. She was hurt and she isn't even able to remember it."

"I hope she never remembers." Harry spoke honestly as the television played out in the background. Scarlett yawned before wandering to where her basket had been placed hours earlier.

"I think she can." Ruth looked directly at him. "I refused to read those transcripts because I'm mentioned in them too. Because Ros is my friend. I didn't want to know what happened to her if she didn't remember it." Ruth continued "But I think."

"All we can do is watch and be there for her." He hugged her to him. "I'll be damned if I lose her as a Section Chief. She's the best I've had and I'll be damned if we're going to let her go on self destruct. She did that once." Harry paused.

"After Jo." Ruth nodded, remembering the Section Chief's death wish almost four years earlier. She knew that there was a very real chance she would have died either by committing suicide or throwing herself into the line of fire if Lucas hadn't been around in the first few weeks after Jo's death. She knew her friend still blamed herself.

"We'll look after her." Harry kissed Ruth's hair as she settled next to him. He just hoped it would be enough.

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"Ros." Lucas appeared behind her as she watched the baby sleeping peacefully in his cot. The little boy was almost a clone of Lucas and had inherited his tendency to let things happen around him but everyone could see didn't miss anything.

"He's just settled." Ros rested her head back against his chest.

"Good. Teething again." He kissed Ros' shoulder as she let her eyes close. "Ros." He turned her and led her from the little boy's bedroom. He could feel her tense under his touch and hated every second of it.

"I'm tired." She rested her hands against his chest, not expecting him to hold her wrists and stop her moving away.

"Of me? Of us? Ros, what is going on?" The desperation in his voice almost broke her heart.

"No. Lucas. No." She blinked, unsure of when her eyes had filled with tears.

"Then?" He frowned slightly. He knew Ros would never be unfaithful, that she would never risk their family but she had been under strain since before he had been stabbed and he needed to know why.

"It's nothing."

"Ros, please."

"What? Lucas? What exactly do you want me to say?" Ros snapped, careful to keep her voice low. Teh last thing she wanted to do was wake Amy and James.

"The truth. We know Harrison drugged you." Lucas knew he was on dangerous territory the moment her colour drained.

"Yes." Ros nodded. It was common knowledge that she had been injected with painkillers, hallucinogens and amnesic, aswell as a powerful chemical that would make sure she couldn't have any more children or remember what had happened for the following four hours. She looked away as another flashback hit. She was suddenly unable to breathe as the air seemed to be dragged out of the room, her limbs felt like lead as the room spun.

"Ros?" Lucas caught her as she was about to faint.

"I'm fine."

"No, you clearly are not fine." Lucas felt his own heart rate speed up dangerously as he held her. "Talk to me, Ros. Just please talk to me."

"I." Ros swallowed as she felt his arms hold her. "I."

"Ros." He brushed a strand of blonde hair away from her face. "Please."

"I remember." She sighed. "I think I remember."

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A/N One more chapter to go before it slots back into One Fine Day. Please review.