It had only been a few weeks since he had been tortured by Kolya and suffered through the wraith feedings, but here he sat in a forest on M1... with his team trying to come to terms with another messed up mission. He had, under the influence of wraith technology no less, relived a memory he had been trying to forget for many years. It wasn't just that he had shot Ronon and Rodney and could have hurt Teyla as well, it was the culmination of the memories; the flashbacks to the wraith, the almost killing members of his team…his best friend, that led to him sitting next to the tree, whilst Becket treated Rodney, wishing he was anywhere else. His heart was racing, he couldn't sit still, he ached from the tumble down the hill earlier made worse by the way he could stop shaking. Yes, at the moment, Colonel Sheppard felt like crap.
"He shot me," said Rodney for what had to be the umpteenth time since they had regrouped after shutting down the device.
Sheppard just sat there, staring vacantly into the distance, not noticing when Rodney kept speaking.
"I can't believe you shot me Sheppard! Who did you think I was anyway that was so bad you wanted to shoot me?" asked Rodney in a pained, slightly whiney voice.
It took John a few seconds to register the question. He closed his eyes, summoning the courage and his voice in order to answer.
"I… I… I was back in Afghanistan Rodney, I thought you were a Taliban soldier, my only thoughts were to protect Holland…I mean Telya, Teyla. I'm sorry… really sorry." John said as the twitching and shaking in his arms and legs seemed to get worse, his breathing came in shorter pants and sweat began forming on his forehead. Beckett moved from Rodney's side over to John, receiving worried glances from the other members of the team.
John had seemed fine after the device was shut down and he found Beckett and contacted Elizabeth back in Atlantis, however, as time had moved on they had began to notice John withdrawing, lacking concentration and an edginess to his behaviour. Beckett was worried and he could tell that Ronon, Teyla and even Rodney had sensed the changes and were worried as well. Coming to a stop beside the Colonel, Beckett reached out to check John's pulse, causing John to jump and move back into the tree more.
"John, lad, it's Carson, I just want to check you out." Carson tried to soothe. But it didn't register with John who was muttering to himself about being sorry and Afghanistan. Carson was getting worried and again attempted to check the Colonel's pulse. It was racing faster than it should be. John had curled up his knees and was resting his head on them, unaware of Carson next to him.
"He's in shock," he quietly stated to the others who looked over with worried expressions. Carson was worried about the deterioration in the John's condition since they had sat down in the clearing, any further stress on the Colonel's heart or change in his breathing could hurt John more than he already was and Carson could not afford for a sound, a movement or a flashback to endanger John or the rest of them. He knew Sheppard needed to calm down and rest but it was clear that John was not in a state to understand or follow Carson's advice.
John felt a hand rubbing his shoulder and he tried to move away but his limbs were not behaving, he felt a prick and looked up wildly.
"Shh lad, you're in shock, you have suffered an emotional trauma greater than ours it seems through reliving a horrible memory. You need to rest lad, I've just given you something to help." said Carson, continuing to rub John's shoulder as the sedative pulled John down into the darkness.