A/n: Well, since my other stories are mostly finished, I decided to start this one to keep me busy after they're done. It's probably not going to be very good, seeing as this is my first time writing something like this, but oh well. Anyway, this is AU (alternate universe for you first time fic readers) and it's pretty dark, seeing as it's set in a mental institution. Oh, and if you're interested, this was inspired by the song 'Unwell' by Matchbox20. There will be angst, you have been warned, so here we go….

Through The Water Mirror And Into Eternity…

'I sit here all alone in the darkness, wishing things were different… I used to be happy. I used to have friends and family and a job I adored. Now I have only darkness and this notebook keeping me alive. I have memories too, but those are haunting and cause me pain. I've pushed them so far down into my subconscious that I can barely remember my own name. I don't care though, because with that name comes everything that hurts…

My past, my present, and the bleak prospect of my future. Future. I used to have one of those. It was intriguing and full of hope, shining before me like a star in the velvety night sky…until I threw it all away that is. In a single moment I killed not only someone I loved more than life itself, but everything I was as well.

As I sit here writing this, I feel the familiar agony of those distant memories throbbing dully in my heart. The pain will never fade. For as long as I draw breath, for as long as I still have my sanity, I will have those memories. It wasn't always this way…when I was young and innocent; I hadn't a care in the world. There was no pain to drive me to insanity, I could look at my own hands without having to look away in disgust…I wasn't alone. Now I sit here everyday alone and silent with nothing but a notebook for company.'

As Houjun wrote this last sentence, his eyes filled with tears, he felt his heart contract painfully in his ribcage. Alone. That's what he was, alone and forgotten. Nobody cared anymore…He hadn't had a visitor in two years but he supposed that it was his own fault, after all what was the use in talking to someone who wouldn't talk back? In the beginning, when he had first been brought to the hospital suffering from severe shock and multiple self-inflicted injuries, everyone had come to see him. His mother, his father…even Kouran had come. They were always sympathetic, saying it wasn't his fault Hikou had died, that it wasn't Houjun who had killed Hikou but he knew better.

Houjun knew he had done it. Every night he replayed the horrifying scene in his mind, and it was always the same… He had advanced on Hikou, blind with rage and a gleaming knife in his hand, murder shining in his mahogany eyes after learning that his supposed best friend had tried to take his fiancée away from him. Hikou backed away, hands held up in front of him in a gesture of peace, trying to calm Houjun out of his homicidal fury. Hikou's desperate pleas and apologies fell on deaf ears as Houjun came nearer and nearer, the knife now poised to strike. In his memories, Houjun continued backing his best friend into the far wall of his sixteenth-story apartment, the wall with a window in it. He had proceeded to grab his friend by the collar, knife now rapidly speeding towards the other man's chest and stopped short. The realization of what he had been about to do hit him hard and Houjun had fallen to his knees before his friend, the knife clattering harmlessly to the floor, sobbing and begging for forgiveness. Hikou had been so shocked by the rapid change of events that he leaned back against the wall in relief. To Houjun's horror, Hikou had leaned on the window and the fragile glass shattered beneath the young man's weight. He fell backwards, out into space and Houjun could only watch in horror as his best friend fell to his death with a sickening, bone-chilling crash.

As the scene replayed itself in his mind, Houjun found himself backing away from the images, scrambling backwards on his bed until he hit his head against the wall. He kept going, crushing himself into the corner where his bed met the wall, and getting as small as possible. He pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them as he rocked slowly back and forth, sobbing like a lost child.

The door to his room opened then and Houjun looked up sharply. A small nurse with light brown hair and green eyes stood in the doorframe. She had the usual stark white uniform, of which consisted of a pair of white pants and a white blouse, covered from the waist down to just above her knees with an apron. She wore an expression of mingled sympathy and shock on her young face, as she stood frozen in the doorway. Houjun stared back into her green eyes, tears streaming from his eyes and starting to tremble.

"A-are you okay?" the nurse asked shakily, taking a hesitant step towards Houjun.

The young man made no move to respond, he only tried to push himself farther away from the woman.

"It's alright, I won't hurt you," the nurse said soothingly, starting to get over her initial shock at seeing Houjun in his near-hysterical state and remembering her job as a nurse. She took another step forward and Houjun let out a sob of dismay, burying his face in his knees once more. The tiny nurse kept inching forwards, going slowly so as to not send her patient into a full fledged panic attack and telling him it was alright and that she was going to help him, every time she drew a step nearer.

Meanwhile, Houjun was desperately trying to find someway to push his body into the wall and disappear completely, so when he felt the nurse sit down in front of him and her soft hand on his arm he reacted instinctively and lashed out with his right fist. Luckily the nurse had the presence of mind to duck and the young man missed her face by inches, but when Houjun realized who he had almost hit he lost it. His face contorted into a grimace of surprise and guilt as his hands flew up to dig his fingernails into his cheeks, tearing at the delicate skin in agony.

The nurse was frozen in shock for a second, having never experienced a patient reacting so violently before, then she quickly reached out and grabbed Houjun's wrists, pulling his hands away from his face. "Don't do that," she said softly "You'll hurt yourself."

Houjun looked up at her, his mahogany eyes wild and full of panic, his face soaked with tears and the nurse squeezed his wrists gently. "I don't want you to hurt yourself, okay?" she repeated, looking Houjun directly in the eyes "I'd hate to see such a beautiful face all scratched up and full of blood. So no more of that, understood?"

The young man the nurse had a hold of blinked back at her, his breathing starting to get fast and shallow as he fought to free himself. The young woman just tightened her hold and kept looking Houjun directly in the face. She could see the fear and guilt in the other's eyes, and not far underneath she could see the pain that must have driven him to this sorry state. "It's going to be okay," she said, her tones quiet and calming "I'm not leaving until you tell me you're okay. Don't worry, I'll help you." She lowered the young man's hands to his lap and transferred his left wrist to her right hand; still keeping a firm hold on his hands she put her free arm around him in a sympathetic hug.

Houjun was visibly trembling now, still struggling to get the nurse's hand off of his wrists, but his breathing started to slow a little as the nurse kept whispering words of comfort and reassurance. Finally, the barrier he had built around himself broke and he wrenched his wrists out of the young woman's hands. He flung himself at the nurse and she nearly fell over as the young man's weight fell heavily onto her slight form. Houjun wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her blouse, sobbing brokenly.

"Shh, baby, it's okay. You're okay, I've got you…" the nurse whispered, stroking the young man's chestnut hair softly as she tried to keep from crying along with him. How could someone so young be full of so much pain? The nurse wondered as she held the shaking man close and told him over and over that it was going to be alright, that she would help him fix whatever was hurting him so badly.

A/N: Well, there it is guys. Tell me what you liked, didn't like or even what you thought was mediocre! Hope it was at least decent and see you next chapter.

Musical selection: Kanojo, an instrumental by Glay

~Tenshi Kitsune~