I do not own the characters, they are from the lovely Dalton by CP Coulter, based off Fox's Glee. The song is I Wish by One Direction.
He takes your hand
I die a little
I watch your eyes
And I'm in riddles
Why can't you look at me like that?
Logan heard the soft sounds of a voice coming from his room. He slowly and silently cracked his door and peered in to see Julian sitting at his piano, lightly playing and singing. Logan knew that voice well enough to know that it was Julian.
When you walk by
I try to say it
But then I freeze
And never do it
My tongue gets tied
The words get trapped
Logan, puzzled, opened the door a little further and snuck inside. Julian was too wrapped up in his singing to notice him. He knew that he shouldn't be watching: this was clearly a private performance, and Julian wouldn't be in here if he thought there was any chance of Logan coming back.
I hear the beat of my heart getting louder
Whenever I'm near you
But I see you with him slow dancing
Tearing me apart
Cause you don't see
Whenever you kiss him
I'm breaking,
Oh how I wish that was me
Julian's voice had grown stronger as he sang with more conviction, and Logan became very curious: it was as though he was singing the song with someone in mind. He never talked about his love life with Logan. He thought Julian just liked to have fun: the tabloids always had him pictured with some slut or other.
He looks at you
The way that I would
Does all the things, I know that I could
If only time, could just turn back
Cause I got three little words
That I've always been dying to tell you
At this point, Julian's voice betrayed him and broke, as Logan noticed a silent tear run down his cheek. He's in love with this person, Logan realized.
But I see you with him slow dancing
Tearing me apart
Cause you don't see
Whenever you kiss him
I'm breaking,
Oh how I wish that was me
With my hands on your waist
While we dance in the moonlight
I wish it was me
That you'll call later on
Cause you wanna say good night
Logan didn't know what he was planning to say to Julian when the song was finished and he realized that he had been spying the entire time. Anything to make the actor talk to him.
Cause I see you with him slow dancing
Tearing me apart
Cause you don't see
But I see you with him slow dancing
Tearing me apart
Cause you don't see
Whenever you kiss him
I'm breaking,
Oh how I wish
Oh how I wish
Oh how I wish, that was me
Oh how I wish, that was me
Julian finished out his song, tears coursing down his cheeks openly now. Logan himself was beginning to get misty eyed as well, not realizing the amount of pain the boy he considered his best friend had been in.
"Jules?" he whispered, not trusting his voice.
Julian visibly jumped, startled, and wiped angrily at his face, attempting to erase any sign of his tears, though he was sure that Logan had already noticed them. He abruptly stood up from the piano and made to bolt from the room. Logan, still in the doorway, grabbed his wrist.
"Jules," he murmured, "don't leave. What's wrong? Who was that song about?"
Julian, based on his facial expression, looked like he would rather be torn limb from limb than endure this conversation. He averted his eyes and attempted to loosen his wrist from Logan's firm grasp, but Logan held firm.
"Logan, just leave it alone," he replied scathingly.
Logan's mouth turned to a frown. "No Julian. You never talk to me anymore. Why?"
Julian sighed. "I thought you had a prefect's meeting Lo. I didn't expect you to see that: you weren't supposed to see that." His voice lowered to a whisper. "No one was."
Logan cocked his head, confused. "We got out early," he said. He loosened his grip on Julian's wrist, but still didn't release him altogether. "Just tell me what's going on. What girl has you this hung up? You know that you can tell me anything Jules, we're best friends."
Julian choked out a derisive laugh. "You don't get to suddenly pretend like you care."
Logan's grip began to tighten on Julian's wrist again and his nostrils flared as he began to lose his temper. "I'm not pretending! You've been moping for weeks, and every time I try to talk to you about it, you make a sarcastic comment and find someway, any way, to get away from me. I just want my friend back!" His rage began to take over, as he realized that he should have taken his medication.
Julian's face contorted in pain. "Ow Logan, you're hurting me," he said angrily.
Logan immediately released his wrist, as Julian rubbed it gingerly. Julian's eyes narrowed at him as he snarled, "It's none of your goddamn business. It's not something that's new, and I never plan on telling you." His voice lowered as he whispered, "I hate you. Leave me the fuck alone."
Logan completely lost it, as he grabbed Julian roughly and slammed him against his bedroom wall. "Fuck you Julian," Logan snarled in Julian's face. "What is wrong with you? I don't know what I did to you, but I'm so sick of this." His fist hit the wall with such a force that Julian flinched.
Julian immediately started to sniffle, the corners of his mouth turned down in a frown. Logan released him, as Julian started to weep openly. "I'm sorry Jules," Logan whispered. "That was stupid and uncalled for. I'm an asshole, I should have taken my meds today…" he said, willing himself to calm down as he grabbed Julian's hand softly and led him to sit on his bed. He pulled Julian to him, wrapping his arms around the actor's body as Julian sank against him, shaking. Julian usually kept his emotions in check, and this was only the second time Logan had ever seen him cry, with the first being from pressure from his job. He didn't know how to handle an upset Julian: he could take the sarcastic, snarky Julian, or even the pissed off Julian, but he was completely out of his element now. Eventually, Julian calmed down and Logan dared to look him in the eyes. He cupped Julian's cheek in his hand, gently turning his head to look at him. "Can we please talk about why you're so upset?" he murmured softly.
Julian closed his eyes. "You're going to hate me," he muttered. "Our friendship is never going to be the same." His lashes were still matted with tears, and he took a deep breath, willing himself not to break down again.
"Just tell me." Logan said, gently stroking Julian's cheek with his thumb.
Julian scooted away from Logan, distancing himself, as he averted his eyes, clearly embarrassed. "I'm…I'm in love with you Logan," he said, his voice cracking. "Don't say anything yet, please. I've loved you since freshmen year." He took another deep breath. "I know I've been lying to you because I've always said that I was straight, but I could've have you find out, and that seemed to be the best solution. I constantly have one night stands to get my mind off of you, even sometimes with guys, but it never works, and that's why I've never been in a relationship. And I know it's stupid, because you're in love with someone else, but I can't do this anymore. I'm leaving Dalton anyway, so just forget I even said anything, okay?"
Logan, shell-shocked, gaped at him. "You've been in love with…me? For three years? Why?"
Julian shrugged, eyes downcast. "You're strong. You're not afraid to be who you are. You're hilarious, and I love spending time with you. You're beautiful. You always know what to say. You're…you're my best friend Logan," he finished, blushing and suddenly becoming very interested in his hands.
"You should have told me Julian." Logan whispered, still in shock. "…and wait, what? You're leaving Dalton again? For how long?"
"Forever," Julian said firmly.
"Julian, no!" Logan said frantically. "You can't…" he scrambled. "You can't change everything about our relationship and then just leave."
Julian's face held a ghost of a sad smile. "Lo. Nothing's going to change. We both know that."
Suddenly, Logan tightened his grip around Julian's waist and put his other hand on the back of his head, pulling the actor roughly to the other boy as their lips connected. Julian leaned into the kiss, deepening it. Frantic hands pushed the singer down onto the bed before becoming entangled in the blonde's hair. It was everything that Julian had dreamed about for three years: three years of longing and hormones. They finally broke apart, both panting and flushed.
"Julian, I don't know what this is right now," Logan whispered, his breath warm in Julian's ear, "but I want to try this. I've never entertained the thought of you. I thought you were straight, Jules. But don't leave. Don't leave me. Please," he pleaded.
"Okay," Julian murmured, threading his fingers between Logan's and settling onto his chest, right where he had always belonged.