Meant to Be
by obi's girl

Summary: Obi-Wan reflects on his life, the failure, the pain and the loss of woman he loved...what could have been between them. Sabewan fanfic.
Rating: PG
A/N: Yet another Sabewan fanfic to add to my list of only 3 fanfics.
Dedication: This was inspired by SobiFan and your lovely new layout for SO? Feel free to copy this and archive this there.
Disclaimer: I am no George Lucas, nor am I man. But I am a hopeless Sabewan shipper, playing around with that other part of the SW universe.

The end. I never thought there would be an end to my life. There was never any real closure to my life as a Jedi Master. I served the Jedi and the Republic for more than thirty-five years, I'd always believed I would continue to serve them until my death, whenever that would be. I haven't even died but yet, I have in a sense. I am no longer the man I was when all of this started.

I was so young and naive to the happening's around me. I was really stuck up to, thinking I was better than everyone else. Vanity, the belief that you're better than anyone, is the curse of the Jedi. Vanity is what killed my Padawan and made him an agent of evil, I failed him, I'd failed Qui-Gon but most of all, I'd failed Padmé. I felt sorry for her for all that she had lost but yet, I couldn't stop thinking about what I had lost myself. Or what I told myself I could never have anyway.

I had a chance at happiness too like my Padawan, but instead, I decided to look the other way because I thought it would have been selfish of me to go against the Order and love her. She was so heartbroken when I chose the Order over her, after all we'd shared together, I'd forsaken her.

Sabé Maberrie.

She couldn't understand why I'd leave her after many years of love between us. Every memory shared, the little moments we had together, didn't seem to matter to me, she said. They did matter to me, I'd held them close to my heart. The only problem was that I feared for what would happen to us or even worse, her, one day if she'd ever leave me or die possibly. There were so many reasons why I let her but now that I've lost everything, I want nothing more than to take back all that I said to her.

I thought my decision was for the common good. I thought I was doing us a favor by stopping things before I felt that all too familiar pain of heart break. Despite my words and the harsh words she said to me, the pain I thought would be less, I felt stab my heart ten times over.

I betrayed her. For the next couple weeks in the Temple, I delved deeply into my work. Sparring matches, deep meditation, anything to keep my mind off the woman I let go; or rather the woman I turned my back on. I thought about calling her a couple times to tell her I was sorry and didn't mean what I said to her, but I never did.

Many times over the years, I'd dreamt about our life together, past and future. The past was hard to think about but the future held different outcomes for us. Some of those outcomes were better than some. I started doubting myself more. Was I wrong to leave her? The Code forbids emotional attachments but ours was already very deep, I didn't know how to ignore it.

Sometimes, at night, I'd have visions of her. Deep brown eyes, soft blonde hair, flowing around her white sun dress, overlooking the sunset on Naboo. The more I'd look, the more I realized the dress wasn't just a sun dress but her wedding dress. The wedding dress she'd never wear because of my stupid decision.

It was a stupid decision.

One strange day, I decided to look her up. I wasn't shocked to find she had a thriving career of her own, Foreign Ambassador, a job behind the desk. Padmé helped her get the position, I knew, or maybe she did it on her own. She was a very independent person. I remember scrolling down the holo screen and finding she had an address on Coruscant.

Despite my own selfish objections not to see her, I copied the file to a holopad and went out to look for her. I wasn't expecting to be called on a mission with Anakin anytime soon since we were guaranteed rest leave by the Council. I followed the address and the Force until it led me to an apartment building not far from the Temple.

At the door, I started to have second thoughts about what I was about to do. What was I doing there? What was my purpose in being there? Would I just see where she was or take the leap and actually talk to her? It was a confusing decision. Finally, I shrugged and entered the apartment lobby.

"Excuse me," I said, interrupting the lady at the check-in, "I'm looking for Sabé Maberrie's room?"

The Twi'lek smiled, "No one is allowed to see the Ambassador unless they have pressing business with her. She's a very busy woman,"

"I have pressing business. I just want to talk with her; I'm an old friend of hers,"

She shrugged and then turned, pressing an button, connection to her room, "Sorry to disturb you, m'lady, but there's a man here to see you and it looks like he's a Jedi,"

I immediately regretted not changing into formal wear before leaving the apartment. Once she heard I was a Jedi, I knew she'd make the connection it was me who wanted to see her, and she wouldn't want to see me.

"Hmmm, aha, aha. All right," the Twi'lek said and then clicked off the connection, "She's room 12B, west wing,"

My draw dropped suddenly and then I closed my mouth, thanking the woman and went to the nearest elevator. As I waited there, still in shock, she actually wanted to see me, I let my eyes wander the lobby. My eyes wandered some more until a young woman with blonde hair and brown eyes, dressed in a light blue dress entered the lobby. She talked to the woman at the desk first and then turned to me.

I smiled despite myself, staring into her brown eyes. She hadn't changed that much in the years we had been apart, it didn't really surprise me. She smiled calmly, though I knew she had doubts about seeing me. I felt the same way about her.

"I don't know how to say hello to you, Ben," she whispered and gestured we sit in the waiting area, "But you're here."

"Sabé, first of all, I just wanted to tell you sorry about, what was said between us all those years ago..."

She nodded, "It doesn't change anything between us, Ben. I know now your life is with the Order and my life is politics. That's just the way it is and it'll never change, and I doubt I'd fit into your life. I don't even know if I could," she rambled and paused, "I just wanted to say that before I forgot to,"

I smiled wryly, "I did come here hoping enough time had passed, we could start over or pick off where we left off,"

"I've had those same dreams too Ben, but we can't ever go back to the way things used to be," Sabé said, "I'm sorry for wasting your time Ben, but I have an appointment that I need to attend," I frowned as she stood up and smiled at me, "But it was good to see you, though. I'd been meaning to make the trip myself to the Temple but with my schedule, it isn't easy."

I smiled goodbye to her, drooping my shoulders slightly as I watched her leave the hotel and step into an taxi. The last time, I walked out of her life without a second glance but that time, she walked out of mine and I let her.

I probably should have followed her and tried to talk to her again, but I stupidly, stayed in the lobby and now, here I am, alone in a Tatoonie dessert. After that day, I didn't even bother to keep track of her career or what it took her. I did, however, hear that she became engaged to another man and she did marry him. That part hurt the most because I know if I hadn't made the decision years earlier to leave her, I would have been that man that became her husband.

But instead, I made the decision to leave her because I thought it was the right decision. It was a stupid one and I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

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