This is a piece that came to me at work and I just had to write it, it's only going to be one or two more chapters after this!
Pepper sat in the dimly lit room with all the poise of a graceful, Victorian woman in mourning.
Only she wasn't, she couldn't be.
He couldn't die, not like this.
So there she sat with her lips pursed in a straight line and eyes boring into the window across from her.
Tony had gone to do a routine surveillance round with the Avengers, with Steve as their Captain Pepper felt confident he would keep Tony in check, somewhat, what she didn't expect was Steve's sullen expression as he stood before her, wringing his fingers, apologising for what happened.
His eyes told infinitely more than his words did as the red rings around his blue orbs intensified.
He said that they were ambushed, that he Natasha and Tony were all injured.
Natasha, enhanced with a similar strain of Steve's super-soldier serum still fared much worse than Steve but Tony took the brunt of the force being impacted head on. His suit was damaged beyond possible repair and his body looked that way too.
Pepper glanced down at her watch while forcibly trying to concentrate on her breathing.
In then out…
The monitors beside Tony's bed gave her the glimmer of hope she longed for, holding on to any sliver of a chance that he would pull through this though her heart feared what her head refused to entertain.
She leaned forward and gripped his hand in hers, 'you know… you've missed seven meetings already, keep this up and you'll have broken all your records.'
Silence replied.
A pained sound escaped from her lips in an almost regretful sigh, 'so the board have put up a few proposals, none of which I think you'd approve so I've put them on the back burner for now,' she retrieved her blackberry and scrolled through several emails, 'Vanity Fair are still trying to get an interview out of me along with sever dozen other publications, I try to think to myself, what would you do, but honestly, I've got nothing,' she smiled weakly looking at his peaceful face.
The machines beeped as if nothing had changed, as if she'd expected by some miracle that she would be the cause for him to wake up.
She hung her head still maintaining the highest level of composure she could, 'Steve said he had stopped by earlier, I thought that would be enough to wake you up, to tell him to do something totally not Steve or to mock him,' she smiled weakly, 'I think even he was a little disappointed with your lack of having something to say.'
Tony's face remained still, showing no signs at all that he was in there or that he was hearing a single word she had to say.
Nevertheless, she continued to speak to him, holding his hand whenever she wasn't answering emails or calls. Occasionally she would get up and pace the room with her arms wrapped tightly around her stomach for fear of falling apart. All of these things did little to alleviate her extraordinarily high stress levels and even less so when the machines he was hooked up to would speed up or slow down.
The nurses of course explained everything to her and assured her that this was normal and they would be alerted should any of his vitals drop too far below, or jump too high above the normal rates.
Upon hearing this she offered a silent nod before sitting back down and taking his hand back into hers.
'Don't scare me like that Tony, I know you, you don't do anything the way normal people do, can you just do this one thing the way it's meant to be done, for me?'
She kissed the back of the hand tenderly avoiding the drip which was firmly taped to his skin.
'You know, when Steve came to tell me you were involved in an accident, I wanted to slap him, don't ask me why, maybe you rubbed off on me, I was so furious, he is your Captain, he should have known what he was doing, and, I don't know, Tony, I can't blame him, I can't blame anyone but the people who did this, where does that leave me?'
She stopped to wipe the tears which now flowed freely, yet again that evening, 'I don't know what I'm meant to do, I don't want anything to do with that part of your life, I don't want to speak with Steve or Clint or any of them, Natasha maybe, but honestly, I just want you back.'
Tony remained still, face pale and serene like he was getting the sleep he finally deserved, and it terrified her. What if he chose the peace and the silence over the chaos which was waiting for him?
Shaking her head she mentally scolded herself for allowing such thoughts to cross her mind.
'Rhodey's away, doing some peace keeping conference, Happy's on vacation and I'm alone,' she cried, feebly attempting to stop, 'I actually think I'm going to lose my mind if you don't wake up Tony, don't you dare give up.'
Pepper sat in silence after that, not breathing a word and barely managing to supress her sobs until a quiet tapping on the door drew her attention.
'Can I come in?' Steve looked at her with a weak smile.
She nodded in reply, 'sure.'
Steve cautiously made his way in and closed the door with a gentle thud, 'how are you doing?' he asked Pepper as he took a seat beside her.
She shrugged keeping her eyes on Tony, 'coping' she managed, 'somehow.'
Steve cleared his throat, 'how's he doing?'
Pepper turned slightly to face him, 'they've induced him,' she swallowed hard finding the words difficult to digest, 'they don't know why he didn't regain consciousness.'
Steve nodded looking down to his feet, 'I should've been able to stop this, it was duty, my responsibility.'
'Don't do this to yourself, this was an accident, you did what you could to get him to safety,' she smiled, 'you saved his life.'
Steve shook his head, disagreeing with her, offering a heavy sigh, 'I'm so sorry Pepper, I should have been more careful.'
'You couldn't have known,' she said simply.
Steve bowed his head pinching the bridge of his nose, 'is there anything I can get you?'
'No, thank you,' she whispered placing her other hand on top of Tony's.
'I'll come and check in on him later,' Steve said quietly getting to his feet and making a move for the exit, 'I promise you, I will find who did this.'
Pepper turned her head slightly and offered a smile, 'I know you will.'
As soon as the door was closed she let out a sigh, so many emotions raged through her, anger at Steve for letting this happen, regret for feeling that way and mostly pain for seeing Tony in this state.
She dropped her head into her hands and leaned her elbows lazily on his bed, 'I was going to throw him out, is it wrong that I blame him somewhat for this?'
Of course Tony didn't answer; he simply laid still and silent and only the rise and fall of his chest indicated life.
earlier that night
A loud crash reverberated through the still night and Pepper sat in the bed contemplating her move. It was only eight thirty and Tony wasn't meant to be home for another two hours, fear raced through her as the sound had definitely come from his garage.
'Jarvis?' She whispered.
'Miss Potts, Mr Stark needs your assistance immediately.' Jarvis' cool voice cracked through the silent room.
Without a seconds hesitation she jumped to her feet and ran down the hallway toward the stairs, 'Tony!' She shrieked seeing tendrils of smoke coming up through the stairwell which led to his garage.
'Sprinkler system activating, stand by.' Jarvis announced as Pepper raised her hand above her face shielding her eyes from the stinging of the smoke.
Within a painfully long minute the smoke was gone and Pepper was free to make her way down the stairs, her feet padded along the cold, wet stairs terrified at what she would find.
The inbuilt ventilation shafts began doing their job; almost instantaneously the smoke was gone and Pepper could make out the state of the garage.
'Jarvis where is he?' She breathed.
'He is by the back wall, Miss Potts.'
As soon as her feet hit the landing she spotted him by the back wall, still in the armour.
With his face covered she couldn't tell if he was awake, or hurt, but she knew Jarvis wouldn't call on her immediate assistance was he ok.
'We need to get the suit off him, Jarvis how do I do it?' Panic rose within her forcing her to rush over to him.
'You must remove the helmet first Miss Potts, however I wouldn't recommend removing the remainder of the armour.' Jarvis offered.
She dropped to her knees and covered her mouth with her hands, 'why not, what's wrong with him?'
'The armour is administering morphine and his body will not fare well should you remove him from it.'
'Oh my god, how bad is it, how do I take this off?' She made a slow movement toward his armoured face letting her hands hover over the face plate.
'The injuries are quite extensive and I am attempting to run full body scans as we speak, but I will instruct you in the removal of the helmet.'
'OK, tell me,' she breathed.
'First you must connect the power source to my system via the cable which is situated in Mr Stark's desk, there is a groove underneath the arc reactor which will release it enough to attach the cable, he will be safe while I reboot his armour and have the helmet release manually.'
Pepper nodded trying to absorb every word he was telling her as she quickly got to her feet and made her way through the rubble carefully trying to avoid slipping; breaking her ankle now would have absolutely no benefit in trying to help Tony.
She located the cable underneath a vast array of random things, she pulled it as far as it would go and let out a panicked breath.
'Jarvis, it won't reach!' She yelled looking up to the ceiling.
Jarvis was silent for a moment before redirecting her, 'you will have to remove the reactor completely and connect it that way.'
'What?' She gasped, 'no way, I'm not taking the reactor out, he'll die!'
'He will die if we don't get him the proper medical attention and I cannot diagnose him without the power source.'
'Ok, how do I do it?' She glanced back at Tony.
'You will need two specific sets of keys Mr Stark keeps in the liquor cabinet, they are located in a small pouch behind the Glenfiddich, you must hurry Miss Potts.'
She nodded and quickly made her way to the liquor cabinet, 'I'm sorry Tony, hang in there,' she said aloud as she glanced over the bottles and finally found the right one.
She reached in and felt around until her fingers found a smooth, velvety surface, 'got J, now what?' She yelled as she rushed over to Tony and knelt down beside him.
Retrieving the two small, silver keys she held one in each hand.
'There are two grooves about two inches from the centre of the reactor, in these grooves you must place the keys and push them up all the way, once you've reached the top, the chest plate will release and you will have access to the reactor.' Jarvis explained.
Pepper nodded and quickly clicked the keys into place and pushed them up through the small tracks, just as Jarvis had said, she heard a click and the chest plate raised enough to reveal the reactor.
She knew this part, she had done it once in the past and was confident; she gripped it firmly in her hand and turned it clockwise once it was free from his body she pulled it out and rushed back to the cable.
'It's connected, run the scan.' Pepper breathed looking back at Tony.
'Running scan, you can now release the face plate Miss Potts.' Jarvis announced.
Without further hesitation she made her way over to him and placed both hands on either side of the helmet and pulled, without much pressure it came away from the rest of the armour.
A gasp escaped her lips as she took in the sight before her.
His head lolled forward revealing the extent of his injuries, trails of blood escaped from the corners of his mouth and his broken nose was covered in blood which wouldn't stop running.
She gently cupped his cheek and moved her body closer to his, 'oh god Tony, please, please hold on for me, please baby.'
Tears poured out of her eyes as she clutched his arms desperately willing him to open his eyes, she would give anything to see his beautiful eyes.
'Jarvis!' She screamed out, 'hurry!'
She lifted his face and cupped his cheeks in her hand desperately trying to wake him, 'Tony, I know you can hear me, I'm right here and I'm going get help, ok, you're going to be ok, and we'll get to go on that trip you've been wanting to go on for so long, I promise just hold on for me,' she looked back at the reactor, Tony's vulnerability, lying so innocently on the floor, 'Jarvis!'
'Scan is complete Miss Potts, Mr Stark has a fracture on his right tibia and right fibula, third and fourth ribs are also fractured, there is significant internal bleeding due to a rupture in his left lung.' As Jarvis listed the injuries Pepper's mind raced with panic.
'Oh god, how the hell did this happen?' She breathed cupping Tony's cheeks in her hands, 'you're going to be ok Tony, just hold on.'
'The reactor may be reconnected now Miss Potts.' Jarvis encouraged.
She quickly obeyed and reached for the reactor, carefully disconnecting it before returning it to Tony; with a quick and precise movement she had reconnected it to him.
His lips parted slightly to exhale a shallow breath.
'Hold on Tony.' She whispered cupping hi cheek again.
'Miss Potts, my recommendation is to allow Mr Stark to be taken to S.H.I.E.L.D's medical facility as Captain Rogers has just entered the premises.'
Pepper's eyes shot up to the entry of the garage just in time to see Steve rushing through the doors with two uniformed paramedics beside him, 'hurry!' she yelled out leading them over to her.
Steve pointed the two men to either side of Tony and gestured for them to help.
'We can't remove the armour,' Pepper explained nervously, 'it administers pain killers,' she looked to Steve who looked in pretty bad condition himself, 'what happened?' she demanded.
'We were ambushed, I should have seen it, he,' he paused looking at her, 'he took the brunt of the force I should have called him back,' Steve ran his hand through his hair and Pepper noticed the blood which stained his own suit and ran down his arms, lacerations marred his face as did the dried blood around his mouth. If he was in this condition, she shuddered to think what condition Natasha was in.
'Where are they taking him?' Pepper glanced back at the men who had lifted Tony's armoured body onto a gurney and slowly made their way out.
'To S.H.I.E.L.D, he'll get the best care there; also it's the safest to keep his reactor safe.' Steve explained.
Pepper nodded quicking taking his outstretched hand and getting to her feet, 'you said you were ambushed?'
Steve gave a quick nod, 'it was a trap, I should have seen it, I'm trained to see these things, I don't know how I could have missed it,' he squeezed his hands together, notably distressed.
Pepper tried to reassure him but it fell flat, she didn't want to hear "should have" and "could have" so she had nothing but negative things to say, so she left it.
She simply walked with him in silence, listening to him berating himself about his mistakes and what he should have done differently.
The ride to the carrier was painfully quiet yet she refused to speak to anyone but the doctors in charge, all she needed to hear was what they could tell her.
Once they arrived Steve gave her space and she found herself wandering down the halls alone trying desperately to supress the tears which she knew were coming.
Before she could let her emotions run wild she was welcomed by a young nurse who rounded the corner, donning a tablet and a warm smile, she held her hand out and gestured to the end of the corridor, 'Miss Potts, this way please.'
Pepper nodded and started down the hall, 'do you know anything, about his condition?'
The nurse shook her head politely, 'only that he's in surgery, the attending doctor will be with you shortly and she'll be able to answer all of your questions.'
'Thank you.' Pepper murmured feeling the intensity of the day weighing on her.
The nurse showed Pepper through to a small waiting lounge, Pepper was silently thankful that it was adorned with color. She couldn't handle another gloomy setting.
The sofa was bright, red leather with chrome arm rests complementing the other red detailing around the room, the coffee machine and the vase filled with white roses, the coffee table lined with several editions of Vogue, and much to her distaste, Vanity Fair, the sheer curtains were a much lighter shade of red and they let the moonlight in beautifully.
After several minutes of looking around she took a seat in the corner of the sofa and ran her hands through her hair, her own, usually impeccable look was stained with dried blood and dust from Tony's work shop.
She sighed heavily dropping her head into her hands; she felt the trembling of her fingers against her skin and quickly clasped her hands together trying to steady them.
Food, sleep and caffeine deprivation.
She looked back at the coffee machine as if it was beckoning her; she got to her feet and walked over to it in three quick strides.
She set the machine for an extra strength long black with three sugars, hoping that would be enough to balance out her light headedness and lack of sleep.
Once the coffee was ready she took it and made her way back to the sofa.
A long, silent hour passed since she last saw the nurse and didn't expect anyone yet, she knew with the injuries Tony sustained mere hours were not enough.
Her coffee grew cold in her hand as she watched each second tick by turning into minutes which inevitably turned into hours.
She saw that it was close to four in the morning and her eyes had started to burn from being awake for so long.
She had no phone, no access to any computer; she was slowly growing anxious not being able communicate with anyone.
Her thoughts immediately went to Rhodey, he didn't know, how would she tell him, she needed someone with her, she needed a friend.
She dropped her head into her hands as the realisation dawned on her, Tony was on S.H.I.E.L.D's watch, no one, not Rhodey nor Happy knew he was gone, and to complicate the situation even more she remembered that Rhodey had gone to Timor to assist in peace talks while Happy was on a vacation Tony had made him take to say thank you.
There was no one she could call.
The feeling of helplessness overwhelmed her and she burst into tears, thankful at least, that no one was around to witness this.
As soon as she managed to calm herself she stood up and straightened out her clothes, she used the reflection of the switched off TV to check her makeup.
'Miss Potts?'
She turned from the TV and was met by a middle-aged woman in a white coat and scrubs.
'I'm Doctor Hollinger,' Pepper shook her hand and repeated her own name to the woman.
'If you would follow me we'll go to my office,' she said simply.
Pepper obliged and followed her.
'We've stopped all the internal bleeding and patched up the rupture in his lung, that was my main concern, that and the fact that he wasn't conscious when he came in,' once they reached her office she pushed the door open and gestured for Pepper to step inside, 'we've set his arm and his ribs and I've administered a morphine drip for the pain and have kept him induced until we can work out why he hadn't regained consciousness.'
'He's in a coma?' Pepper asked incredulously.
'I'm afraid so,' the Doctor said sincerely, 'but in a way this is a good thing, we can monitor him and run tests and make sure he's not in pain,' she added.
Pepper nodded silently still looking at the desk in front of her.
'We're doing everything we can for him, I assure you,' she said quietly smiling at Pepper.
'I know, thank you,' Pepper replied weakly, 'I appreciate that.'
Doctor Hollinger got to her feet and shook Pepper's hand again, 'he's been moved to recovery and you're free to see him now.'
'Thank you,' she offered her a smile and left her office, a nurse who was waiting outside immediately led Pepper to Tony's room.
She pushed the door open slowly and made her way inside, his face was the first thing she saw, the serene and peaceful look painted on his features was a rare occurrence.
presently
She dropped into the chair nearest to him and closed her eyes and there Pepper sat in the dimly lit room with all the poise of a graceful, Victorian woman in mourning.
Only she wasn't, she couldn't be.
He couldn't die, not like this.
To Be Continued…. should anyone want it to :)
Hope the little time shift there was alright, I didn't want it to be too jarring, but I think I did OK! Let me know what you think :)
Excelsior!