Title: Torching the Cold
Pairing: B/A
Rating: PG
Timeline: no specifications I don't reckon. Whole cannon's fair game.
Disclaimer: nah
Summary: Buffy deals with the cold world after Angel leaves; and starts to have nightmares. Events, as they so often to deride from these dreams; reacquainting the lovers to a world they thought was long lost.



Part 1:

It was so cold. That's the last thing I remember before the night overtook me and I fell asleep. If I could just get rid of the cold...

But then it was gone. It was warm. As if the Gods had finally realized their mistake and was rewarding me my penance...it was gone. And *HE* was there. He who took my warmth to begin with. He who held the fire with such love; but with such betrayal. Only he could warm my soul; and all he had to do was touch it with his own. Just to be in his presence was like playing chicken with the sun beams...at any moment a ray of warmth could overtake me and leave me helplessly drowning in him. But I wouldn't care. As long as I was warm....

And just as the warmth had replaced the cold; the keeper of my heart started to approach. Eyeing me with something resembling curiosity and bordering hope. He was so tentative in his steps; and it almost looked like with each step he was retreating to his previous position. Like he wasn't sure he could make it; or if he wanted to try.

I moved towards him with haste; but still, I couldn't reach him. I extended my arm to him and he mirrored my action; but still...we couldn't reach each other. The cold was creeping back into my veins, but the burning of his presence was searing my skin. A sweat overtook my body; and I couldn't quite tell if it was from the internal cold, or the external heat. And in that moment; I didn't care. I just wanted it gone. I wanted everything gone.

That same dream re-entered my slumbers for every night of that week and the one that followed. Angel was there, reaching for me; crying out for me. Yet still, unable to get to me. Was a physical barrier blocking his entrance? Or was it something else? Was *I* keeping him away? I was wanting for him so much; but the heat was too much to handle. I couldn't take being burned. Not again. And so I gave into the cold. I let it enter my veins, and surrendered my heart. The wall of ice was unable of being penetrated on either side. I was bitter to my friends; but I didn't care. As long as I had the wall, nothing could bother me. Nothing at all.

At least, that's what I thought as I nonchalantly answered the phone that Friday afternoon in July. I didn't think that a simple phone call could crack the ice; I wasn't thinking at all. Not of him. Not of Angel. That was a distant memory I didn't want to recall. The fire, the torment. It was unmistakable that the pain was about to overtake me as I heard the simple 'hello' from the other end of it. And I wanted to vomit.

"Hello." I returned; slurring the sinister word through the haze in my head. The heat was unnerving.

"Buffy, I need to talk with you. Just....just not now. Not over the phone. I want to see you, could you, could you..."

"What?" I asked. I couldn't hear a word he said through the heat. Through the melting of the ice. My whole body was shaking; and my insides were dissolving. "Angel.." I started. So weak, so desperate. And then there was nothing left.

"Buffy, Buffy are you okay?" He asked

There was nothing I could say. My voice was broken from the boiling of the blood in my throat. The swirling of the room was distracting me from the heat in my body; and then I was on the floor. Phone in hand, with Angel on the other end screaming my name. And sleep was just so tempting...

I didn't dream anything at all. It was just black. Empty. I would have thought I was dead if I could have registered a decent thought at all. But all I could manage was that Angel would come. He would come because he was worried. But would be able to get to me? Or would something keep him from me? Something I wanted so badly to torture and kill. The fear. The fear of losing him again.

They say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Well, they were wrong. They were retarded and had obviously never experienced the soul wracking love that Angel and I had shared. Or perhaps they had; just never had experienced the utter torture and denial of the love we wanted so much to share. I just wish I hadn't felt it. Felt any of the slow murder. And I just wish Angel would hold my hand like I can feel him doing now forever. 'Please, Angel. Never let me go. Never again, please...'

TBC...let me know what you think.