It was a day like any other in Tomoeda…the sky shone, the sun beamed down and sparkled off the emerald trees. The same color as the eyes of the girl who was bouncing down the road, seeing nothing but the tawny haired boy walking next to her.
"Good morning, Sakura-chan!" Another girl with called out, eyes turning up in a smile. She had long, purplish-black hair and striking amethyst eyes. Her body was slim and instilled with an entrancing, almost ethereal grace.
"Eh? Ah, Tomoyo-chan! Good morning!" She pulled one of her hands from Syaoran's loving grip to wave energetically at her friend.
Are you still her best friend?
Be quiet!
Tomoyo jogged over to where Sakura walked, smiling. "Good morning, Syaoran-kun."
"Morning." Syaoran nodded in his usual curt manner.
"Ne, Sakura-chan, have you studied for the algebra test today?"
"Eh? Algebra test?" Sakura looked very clueless for a second. "HOEEEE!! I forgot!!! Oh, I'm going to fail…"
"It's okay, Sakura-chan, I'll help-"
"I'll study with you, Sakura," Syaoran said at the same time.
"Thanks, Syaoran-kun!" Sakura's face beamed with the sort of dazzling innocent gratitude only she could pull off. But more than that, love.
"Okay, I think I have my notes in my backpack…" Syaoran's head disappeared as he hunted, papers rustling as he flipped through them. It was only then that Sakura noticed the hurt expression on Tomoyo's face.
"Tomoyo-chan?"
Tomoyo fought back a sudden rising of tears. I make no sense, she told herself.
"I would have helped you study too…"
"Oh…" Sakura looked very sorry for making her friend sad. "Um, Tomoyo-chan… Syaoran-kun's really good at making me understand, and… you're always doing so much anyway, I'm sure you have something better to do than just help me study for a test…" Syaoran's head popped out of the bag, and he brandished a handful of neat notes. "Got 'em."
"Okay, let's go to the library!" Sakura happily started dragging Syaoran toward the library, but turned around to Tomoyo, as if struck that she should say something before leaving. "We'll be there if you need us."
And then she was gone.
Tomoyo felt a strange hollowness, and it occurred to her that as bad as the steady stabbing pain she felt when around Sakura was, the hollow, painful longing she felt when she wasn't around was worse. It was impossible. She should just go to class and forget about it.
The classroom was maybe a bit bigger than their elementary school class, maybe a little shabbier, and had a different teacher at the front… but besides that, it was pretty much the same. There were some kids already there, even though class wouldn't start for a good twenty minutes. Tomoyo didn't have any homework to do, so she sat staring idly out the window. Straight through the window of the library, where she could see Sakura and Syaoran intently concentrating on a book, heads bent close together, talking quietly…
Maybe she should go talk to somebody.
Tomoyo drifted over to where Naoko had her nose stuck in a book, as usual. "Good morning, Naoko-chan. How are you?"
Naoko looked up, face beaming. "I'm great, Tomoyo-chan! Do you know what this is?" She thrust the volume she was reading in front of Tomoyo's nose.
Tomoyo looked at it. "A book?"
"Not just any book," Naoko sighed and went starry eyed. "This is the latest book in the Akira Takeda Chronicles! It's so cool! I had to wait at the book store until midnight last night so I could get it as soon as it came out!"
Naoko's eyes burned with the fierce, obsessive joy Tomoyo had sometimes seen on her own face.
"I'm hoping to finish it before lunch break."
Naoko returned her attention to the book in a way that clearly stated that neither God, the eruption of Mt. Fuji, nor Aoki-sensei's scoldings would tear her away from it.
Tomoyo was staring at her mournfully and resigning herself to fifteen minutes of complete boredom when her savior entered the room. Tomoyo felt her eyes come up in a sweet smile.
"Good morning, Hiiragizawa-kun!"
She waved at the dark-haired boy. It was funny, she thought, how Eriol had grown up so much and yet hardly changed at all. He had become very tall, and although Syaoran had managed to catch up with him in the height department, he still couldn't quite pass him. He complained that Eriol had the advantage of being half-English. He was still almost too pale to be healthy, still had the glasses and the midnight-black hair, and still had that same, constant, painted-on smile.
"Good morning, Daidouji-san," He looked around. "Where are Sakura-san and Li-kun?"
"Studying in the library. Sakura-chan forgot about the algebra test. So Li-kun is helping her."
Eriol smiled. Tomoyo had never seen him get less than an A+ on a test. "If he's helping her, I'm sure she'll be fine."
Tomoyo felt a stab inside her chest.
"Did you study for the test, Daidouji-san?"
She matched him smile for smile. "Of course, Hiiragizawa-kun. For a few minutes, at least. Algebra isn't really all that hard."
Eriol smiled at her even more brightly. "Yes, I always thought it was quite understandable until I got into calculus."
They continued chatting and making pleasant small talk. Hiiragizawa-kun, always a good conversationalist. Always so cheerful, polite and smiling. Practically perfect in every way, to quote some American movie. Yet, she was wary of him, and had never tried to get on a more personal level with him. She had spoken truth when she said she thought he had a very kind heart, and she did genuinely admire and like him for that. But she could also see the darkness lurking in his eyes, and the shadows he kept inside unnerved her. She had seen them in full measure the night he called darkness upon the city, and she had been scared. She got used to thinking of him as a normal friend, a child like herself and all the rest, but sometimes when he talked about magic or the past, she'd see something in him older, wiser and deeper than she felt she could comprehend.
Still, he was good for some pre-school small talk.
After school, Sakura, Syaoran, Eriol and Tomoyo all got ice cream and went to the park. Eriol usually wasn't invited on such outings and seemed quite glad to be included. Syaoran kept shooting him skulky glares, though, and seemed altogether preoccupied to Tomoyo's eye.
Tomoyo felt happy and relaxed. The sun was shining warmly from the bright blue sky, the birds were singing, and Sakura was by her side. All was right within the world. The park was such a perfect setting, with its beautiful flowering shrubs and trees, and gently flowing stream. Sakura and Syaoran were even able to restrain themselves from being too lovey-dovey, much to her relief.
When they had finished their ice cream and were sitting around looking at the sky, Syaoran inched over and gently kissed Sakura. Tomoyo felt a peculiar, but all too familiar tightening in her stomach. Suddenly, her heart started pounding as she was hit by an overwhelming presentiment of disaster.
Syaoran knelt before her.
The tightening extended into her throat. Oh, God, no…
"Sakura," He looked into her eyes. "Could you please come to Hong Kong with me?"
This was even worse than she had ever expected. He wasn't even leaving Sakura where she could be with her. It was too cruel. Tomoyo stared at them a split second, eyes clouding up.
She couldn't let Sakura-chan see her cry. It would ruin everything.
Sakura gasped, Syaoran got an expression of terrible guilt and Eriol looked sharply after as Tomoyo ran, ripping out of the park.
It was too much. Just too much. Sakura was already being stolen from under her nose. More and more, Sakura was with Syaoran, confiding in Syaoran, giving of herself unto Syaoran. The small sweet moments, the whispered secrets, the stolen pieces of her soul, Tomoyo hardly ever got them anymore. They used to be her lifeblood, where she got hope and nourishment to live on each day, but lately Sakura had been growing farther and farther from her. Why couldn't Tomoyo grow away from her? She felt herself grasping onto shards of a friendship that was fading away. And now… this... Li-kun taking her away to a whole different continent. Their friendship would never survive that.
And she would never get to see Sakura's smiling face again…
Incoherent thoughts flew around in her head as tears she had been too proud to let herself shed in public flowed down her cheeks. The immediate concern of where she was pierced through for a moment, and she realized she was leaning against the wall of the high school gym. School was long over, and there were no athletic clubs today; there wouldn't be anyone around. She slumped against the wall, put her head between her legs and continued to sob as conflicting emotions and thoughts fought within her.
They say everyone needs a good cry once in a while.
After a while she heard soft footsteps approaching from the direction she had come. If it was a student, they'd probably be sensible and walk away. Maybe ask her if she was okay. If it was someone coming after her…
"Daidouji-san?"
Only one voice could be that soft, that gentle, that polite. And, probably more to the point have that strange little lilting English accent.
"Hiiragizawa-kun," she practically sobbed, voice raw. "Go away."
"I don't think I should," he said carefully.
She really didn't want to talk to him. If it were Li-kun she could have been angry; if it were Sakura-chan, at least it would have been Sakura-chan. But Hiiragizawa-kun was at no fault; he wasn't even involved. And so, of course, he was the one sent to see if she was okay. Sent to make her feel better and see reason. She didn't want to feel better! She didn't wan to see reason! She wanted to sit there, crying, forever and ever, complete and alone in her own misery. Feeling better would just make this torment trivial. Right now, she wanted to drown it.
But deeper, more than that… Hiiragizawa-kun was always very aware of all the people around him. Almost as aware as she was. So far, when Hiiragizawa-kun had tried to smile and get into her head, she had smiled right back and not let him. But she felt so worn-out and vulnerable right now… those dark eyes would be able to see right to her core, and she wouldn't be able to do anything about it. That terrified her.
Eriol was sitting quietly next to her. Her eyes were shut tight, but she could feel his gaze on the side of her head.
"Do you want to talk about it, Daidouji-san?"
Tomoyo made a small sound between her knees. She didn't say anything, and hoped he wouldn't, either.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, Tomoyo silent with her chest aching and eyes burning, praying with all her being that he would just leave, him staring at her with a mixture of concern and other emotions in his eyes. Finally, Eriol broke the awkward silence. Gently, carefully, painstakingly.
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it, Daidouji-san? It really does make you feel better. Believe me, I have experience."
She couldn't see it, but she could imagine the wry smile curving his lips. And somehow, she didn't know why, she was growing angry with him. Angry at everything. Angry at him for coming and breaking her melancholy solitude, angry at Syaoran for taking Sakura away from her, angry at the world for putting her in a position like this, angry at herself for letting it come to it. Not angry with Sakura, she could never be angry with Sakura, but still… she could feel the strange, reasonless, bitter feelings welling up inside her.
"Somehow, I don't think you or Clow-san ever shared their feelings with anyone, Hiiragizawa-kun," she muttered.
He chuckled a little. "No, not really, but it was a good try."
After a few moments, apparently deciding the direct approach wasn't going to work, he switched to a subtler mode. "Did you know, Tomoyo-san?" he said softly. No, I didn't know, just tell me, Hiiragizawa-kun, tell me, she though, chest aching even more with painful, bittersweet love, and anger, anger, yes, even hate for the blithely smiling boy beside her.
He went on, staring at her intensely, but she didn't care about his eyes any more. "In all my years as Clow Reed, all my years studying magic and the powers of nature, I do not think I ever encountered a force in any form that can cause quite as much pain as love."
Something inside her snapped at this. She unfolded herself, eyes burning with tears and anger. "Love?!" she exclaimed, shouting at his perplexed looking form. "What do you know about love?! You know nothing, you're an immortal almighty sorcerer, you're too powerful to fall in love with someone!! And you thought Sakura-chan and Tsukishiro-san would fall in love, for Heaven's sake!!! Then you're all mushy with Mizuki-sensei, go off to England with her, then come strolling back two years later, smiling as if nothing had ever happened!! Why, I don't think you even loved her in the first place!!!"
It was a horrible thing to say, a huge amount of horrible things to say, and Tomoyo knew it. Throughout her little tirade, Eriol had been watching patiently, eyes filled with concern for what his friend must be going through to say such things, but with a small smile still dancing on his lips. But on the last comment, his smile snapped off like a light, and he stood abruptly.
"I loved Kaho with all my heart," He said simply, and every word was chipped from ice. If she had thought his eyes were strange and cold at the Tokyo Tower, it was nothing to their chill now. Tomoyo felt numb and horrible inside. The one person who had come to help her, and she had succeeded in completely driving him away. She felt a weight of guilt drop into her chest, on top of everything else.
Oooooooh, I managed to make Hiiragizawa-kun mad!! The not-so-nice voice in her head exclaimed gleefully. And I think I really hurt him, too!!
"I'll see you, Daidouji-san," He said coldly but politely, already standing. He turned and walked away.
"Oh," He called back over his shoulder. "And that trip to Hong Kong? It was a vacation for a week. Li's mother wants to see the girl he came back to Japan for. They were going to take you."
Tomoyo stared after his retreating figure, filled with regret. She had actually managed to alienate Hiiragizawa-kun. And… why did that make her feel so horrible?
A/N: I hope you've enjoyed the first chapter of my story! This is pure, shameless E+T, so if you don't like them, you're out of luck ^_~ Another chapter will be out in a week!
If you take a bit of your time to review this, I would be exceedingly grateful. Flames are welcome. They can be funny.
A fic named after an Ayumi Hamasaki song… this does not bode well…
Next chapter: Apologies and a growing friendship. Also, the only piece of Eriol POV in this whole fic o_O;