There he was, sitting atop his gold-plated throne, smack dab in the middle of giant candy canes, fake snow and plastic reindeer whose noses lit up every 10 seconds or so. Yes, there he was, sitting there in all of his obese, jolly glory. The general population of this particular mall thought him as a happy-go-lucky icon for the "happiest time of the year," but they never took the time to stop and ask themselves...'Just how does Santa acquire all of those name-brand gifts anyway?'
Yes, how DOES Santa get all of those name-brand things anyhow? He surely must not make them or he is in a major fraud operation. He can't buy them, as there is no possible way to gather enough money to buy each person on the earth at least one thing they wanted for Christmas. So, the question still remains, how does he do it? Well, the answer is quite simple really. You see all those Santas in the malls, sitting there all happy and jolly setting each little kid in line one-by-one onto his lap and asking the child what he or she desires for Christmas. Those Santas sitting there, they are actually clones. Every night after the mall closes, the Santa Clones go out and do their dirty work, breaking into the various assorted stores in their quest for 'the perfect gift', hence the name 'Operation Perfect Gift'.
These Santa Clones then go to an abandoned, condemned warehouse with their big bags full of holiday joy and set them before their master. The next day, the cycle happens all over again as the Santa Clones go back out into the malls and the children come by the dumpster full just to get a few minutes on what they think is the real Santa's lap. Well, try as you might, little children, for your attempts are futile. No soul has ever sat on the true Santa's lap and lived to say that Santa is a fake.
So, remember with your pathetic craniums, Santa really DOES exist, but he isn't the loveable tub of happy lard you thought him to be. Those are just rumors, and the men in the fuzzy, red pajamas in the malls are just the clones. The true Santa is about as evil as they come, Satan-like in nature. He may make the children of the world happy, but I assure you, those storekeepers aren't happy campers.
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((Rabid Ostrich's Notes: Eh...I was bored. It was study hall and since I can't sleep in that 'class', I really had nothing else better to do. This isn't meant to be a slam on Christmas or anything, I was joking around. Amazing how Santa can be in 20 different malls at the same time, ne?))
Yes, how DOES Santa get all of those name-brand things anyhow? He surely must not make them or he is in a major fraud operation. He can't buy them, as there is no possible way to gather enough money to buy each person on the earth at least one thing they wanted for Christmas. So, the question still remains, how does he do it? Well, the answer is quite simple really. You see all those Santas in the malls, sitting there all happy and jolly setting each little kid in line one-by-one onto his lap and asking the child what he or she desires for Christmas. Those Santas sitting there, they are actually clones. Every night after the mall closes, the Santa Clones go out and do their dirty work, breaking into the various assorted stores in their quest for 'the perfect gift', hence the name 'Operation Perfect Gift'.
These Santa Clones then go to an abandoned, condemned warehouse with their big bags full of holiday joy and set them before their master. The next day, the cycle happens all over again as the Santa Clones go back out into the malls and the children come by the dumpster full just to get a few minutes on what they think is the real Santa's lap. Well, try as you might, little children, for your attempts are futile. No soul has ever sat on the true Santa's lap and lived to say that Santa is a fake.
So, remember with your pathetic craniums, Santa really DOES exist, but he isn't the loveable tub of happy lard you thought him to be. Those are just rumors, and the men in the fuzzy, red pajamas in the malls are just the clones. The true Santa is about as evil as they come, Satan-like in nature. He may make the children of the world happy, but I assure you, those storekeepers aren't happy campers.
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((Rabid Ostrich's Notes: Eh...I was bored. It was study hall and since I can't sleep in that 'class', I really had nothing else better to do. This isn't meant to be a slam on Christmas or anything, I was joking around. Amazing how Santa can be in 20 different malls at the same time, ne?))