I f Y o u C o u l d S e e I n t o M y S o u l

Chapter 1 - Beginning Of The End

B e l l a ' s P O V

I pulled into my best friend, Alice's, driveway. I turned off my blue Ford Fusion and stepped into the bitter August morning. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself, rubbing my hands on my arms to warm myself. Oh, the joys of the first day of school in the lovely Cleveland, Ohio.

I knocked three times before walking inside. As usual, the house was quiet and empty, except for the occasional creak or cuss from Alice above, and her little Yorkshire that liked to believe it was a Rotweiler.

I pushed him gently aside and trudged my way upstairs, dodging stray shoes and clothes.

"Knock, knock," I said, stifling a yawn, as I pushed the door open.

"Hey Bells," Alice mumbled, twisting to see her ass in the mirror.

I crossed the room and sat down on the edge of her bed. As usual, her room was a mess. New clothes sat in bags and old clothes graced the floor everywhere. Her shoes were thrown into a pile in the corner, what didn't fit in the closet anyway.

I sighed impatiently and looked at the time on my phone.

"Oh, stop your sighing. How do I look?" she trilled, spinning, her yellow polka dot dress flying up.

"Wonderful as always. Can we go before we're late?" I asked as a picture on her dresser caught my eye.

"We won't be late, and no one would care if we were. It's the first day," she reminded me brightly as she pulled on a pair of brown wedges that looked fit for the runway, not high school.

I got up and grabbed the picture. It was one of her and I at one of our frequent sleepovers, our faces green from the beauty mask we wore. We were both smiling and giggling, but there was something slightly off about me. I had my arms around her neck, a smile plastered on my face, but somehow I didn't seem happy.

Alice stepped up behind me. "You noticed it too, huh?"

I set the picture down and turned to face her. "I don't know what you mean."

She rolled her eyes and held a gold key necklace out to me. "Help?"

I sighed and grabbed it from her hands. She pulled her hair to the side and I gently pulled the necklace around her neck and fastened it. She fixed her hair and gave me a sad smile, throwing her arms around my neck.

"Sometimes, Isabella, I worry about you," she murmured.

I hugged her back tightly and then took a step back. "Don't."

She frowned at me, but grabbed her big white purse, turned out the light and exited, leaving me in the dark. I blew out a breath and followed her downstairs.

I heard her voice and thought she was talking to herself, until I saw Optimus Prime, Optimus for short, in her arms. Honestly, I wasn't sure what she was thinking when she named him. Maybe that's why he acted so unlike he should; he was only trying to live up to the name.

"Mommy will be home later," she told him as if he were talking to a baby.

He looked at me over her shoulder almost as if to say, "What the hell is wrong with her?"

I shrugged, telling him, "I was thinking the same thing."

She kissed him on the head and then set him down. She locked the door behind us and then we both climbed into my car. Alice could drive, but she never had money for gas. She always spent all of it on clothes, and it wasn't ever really a problem. She never went anywhere that I wasn't going to be. Many other people thought that was really weird. And maybe it was. We were just really, really, tight best friends.

She fidgeted with the radio on the way to school, only allowing thirty seconds of a song to play until she changed it again. It was really starting to grate on my nerves. When she changed it to some rap crap about making your bed rock, I snapped.

"Oh, that's it!" I yelled.

I reached up to the CD case on the sun visor and randomly picked one and shoved it in. Lucky for me it was Story of the Year, so I turned it up loud. Alice hated them. I laughed maniacally internally.

"How can you listen to this shit?" she whined, reaching for the volume control.

I smacked her hand away. "You had your chance. This is my car; we listen to what I want."

"My car, we listen to what I want," she mocked childishly.

I smirked as we pulled into the parking lot. I quickly scanned the clutter of parked cars for my boyfriend, Sage's, black 1971 Charger. To say that he and his father were car fanatics was putting it lightly. I pulled into a spot a few spaces down from him and turned the car off.

Sage sauntered over, his pants hanging nearly off his ass, and opened my door for me. I smiled sweetly at him and 'accidentally' dropped my keys.

"Oops," I smiled.

He returned the smile and bent down to pick them up for me. With his ass in the air, I took that as an invitation and smacked it. He yelped and jumped forward, into the silver Audi A4 parked next to me. I burst into a fit of laughter, having to hold my sides.

He straightened up and stalked towards me with a devilish smile. "You think that's funny?"

I nodded, biting my lip to stop the giggling. He grabbed me by the hips and pushed me farther up against my car. I felt his hands creep up to my sides and then his fingers started attacking me. I doubled over in laughter again, gasping out his name, pleading with him to stop.

"Okay, okay, truce," he whispered.

I fisted my hand in his black hair in front of his eyes and pushed it up, resting my forehead against his. He leaned in and kissed me softly. I slipped my hands down his chest, to the waistband of his pants. He smiled into the kiss and cupped my face. I slowly pulled his pants up, unbuckled his belt, and tightened it.

He broke the kiss, shaking his head. I smiled and winked at him.

"Can we please move along now, lovebirds?" Alice questioned behind me.

The sound of her voice made me whip my head around; I had forgotten she was there, which was odd, considering it was Alice.

"Nice to see you as always, Alice," Sage said politely.

"Likewise," Alice said sourly, pushing her sunglasses down.

I frowned. Alice wasn't Sage's biggest fan, but she wasn't normally rude to him. In fact, sometimes I thought that maybe they were forming a friendship. One for Bella on the dubious count. I sighed and linked my fingers with his.

I quickly reached inside my car and grabbed my blue and purple Coach purse that Alice's mom had gotten me on one of her many fashion escapades. Alice's mom was basically my mom, as my mother was incompetent, and 'unfit' as the judges say.

I slammed the door shut and hit the lock button on the remote. Sage wrapped an arm around my waist as we walked into the school. Once inside the building, we quickly spotted the paper that told us what homeroom we had.

Sage and Alice went one way, as Connors and Brandon were in the same room. I was left to wander the opposite way, across the school to where Swan should be.

For the next twenty minutes, I sat in a classroom the size of a closet, listening to the rules of the school that I'd been going to for two years. Our schedules were passed out to us and we were told to go find our lockers if we hadn't already picked one out.

I wandered down the hallway aimlessly. There was still a good amount of time until we had to be in class. I wound up near my first class anyway. I slouched against the wall and let my mind wander.

I thought about my baby sister, Cailee, who was starting first grade today. I hoped that she got to school okay; I wasn't able to take her because I started school before she did. Charlie couldn't take her either, because he was at work when I left. I couldn't help the way my lips pursed at his disinterest in his youngest daughter's life.

She was so excited this morning. She got up an hour before I was supposed to, and woke me up. I made her favorite chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, and helped her get dressed and ready; she looked adorable in her skirt, leggings, and pink shirt. Of course she had to have her Converse like me, and a sparkly headband. Then she helped me get ready, picking a dark blue sweater, skinny jeans, and Converse. She helped me put on the ring that Sage got me and the locket my mother gave to me.

So the both of us were ready much sooner than we needed to be, and when it came time for me to leave, I had to drop Cailee at her friend, Megan's, house. I felt horrible for not being able to be there for her, but at least I got to pick her up.

An angry Alice pulled me out of my thoughts. "Isabella Marie Swan!"

I looked at her. "Huh?"

"We're going to be late for class!" she screeched, grabbing my hand, and dragging me into the back of the classroom.

We took our seats, and Alice settled down as the teacher, Mr. Abshire, began his introductions to College Algebra Trig., and to himself.

"So, I was thinking this weekend, that we could go shopping. Me, you, and my mom," Alice whispered.

"I have to watch Cailee this weekend," I said, a reflex reaction.

She rolled her eyes. "She can come too, you know. My mom loves her."

"Alice, every time we go shopping, your mom winds up buying both her and I a ton of stuff. I'm not a charity case," I grumbled.

"Bella, please. We don't do it for charity, we do it for you."

"What's the difference?" I muttered angrily.

"Ms. Swan, Ms. Brandon, is there something you'd like to share with us?" Mr. Abshire asked.

I blushed and looked down. Alice and I said, "Sorry Mr. Abshire."

He cleared his throat. "As I was saying…"

"I just don't like when people give me things," I clarified.

"Well, it's part of life, so deal with it," she snapped.

There wasn't much of a point to arguing with Alice, so I leaned back in my seat and pretended to pay attention.

The same routine happened for study hall and English, and then it was time for lunch. Thankfully, I had lunch with everyone - Sage, Alice, Jacob, and his girlfriend Leah. We automatically sat at the same table that we'd sat at last year.

Jacob and Sage walked in holding hands, swinging them back and forth between each other, mock flirting.

"Hey, get your own," I told Jacob.

Sage took the seat next to me and kissed me. Jacob crossed his arms over his chest and pretended to pout, until Leah whispered something in his ear and he perked up. I had to hand it to the kid, he was quite the actor. Even though he was gay, he still put on a show for Leah because he loved her. He didn't exactly know how to tell her that he was gay, and he only really came to that conclusion over the summer.

Sage put an arm around the back of my chair and I leaned into his side.

"What are you doing tonight?" he whispered in my ear.

"Well, I'm going to pick Cailee up from school and then just do something fun with her, I guess."

He gave me a shit-eating grin and leaned in closer. "Would it be alright if I came over?"

A blush colored my cheeks and I bit my lip. "I think that would be alright."

He smirked and kissed me.

"Can you two stop sucking face for two minutes so I can eat my lunch?" Alice whined.

"Sorry Alice," I said with a smile.

She rolled her eyes but couldn't help the smile that spread across her face.

Lunch was the same as usual. Everyone looked the other way as Leah and Jacob ate each other's faces. Alice sighed about not having a boyfriend.

"Oh, fuck me," Alice breathed, fanning herself.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Look!" she squealed, pointing a finger in the direction of a lesbian couple.

"Gay people?" I question.

She sighed impatiently. "No! The God behind them!"

The couple moved out of the way to reveal four students, three boys, one girl, all new by the way everyone was staring at them. All of the boys were around the same height, around six foot or taller. One had hair the color of copper, and he was lanky with wiry muscles. Another boy was blond haired like the girl also lanky and noticeably less muscled than the others. The last was a giant, his arms twice the size of my thigh. He had curly brown hair and a huge smile. The girl was fucking gorgeous. Tall and thin, flowing long blond hair, and a face that had guys panting at her feet.

"New students," I commented.

Alice got up and danced her way over to them, in full flirt mode.

"Oh, Christ," Sage muttered.

Alice led them all back to our table and held one finger up to them as she marched determinedly to the table of freshman next to us.

"Freshman, move," she barked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Sage snickered and buried his face in my hair.

"W-What?" the freshman boy asked in small voice.

"Um, Alice, it's alright. I'm sure we can find somewhere else to sit," the blond boy said, a slight southern accent.

Alice gave him a beatific smile. "Nonsense Jasper."

"Did I stutter? You and your little friends, move."

"Where are we supposed to go?" he asked timidly.

"Does it look like I care?" she asked, bored.

The freshman picked up their food and scurried away from the table. The rest of us erupted in howls of laughter. Alice smacked Jacob upside the head and made him switch seats with her. He did so, grumbling about it. Jasper took the first seat at the next table.

The boy with copper sat down next to Sage, the giant next to him, and the blonde girl last.

Alice smiled at all of us. "So, this is Bella, Sage, Jacob, and Leah."

She pointed to the copper haired boy, "Edward," the giant, "Emmett," the girl, "Rosalie," and the blond boy, "Jasper."

"Wow, Alice, you managed that in ten seconds? That must be a new record," Jacob teased and Sage snickered.

Alice stuck her tongue out at them, which caused Jasper to smile. Alice didn't miss that.

Lunch was…interesting. Emmett cracked jokes constantly, most of them sexual, or at someone else's expense. Rosalie kept smacking his chest playfully to keep him in line. Edward didn't talk much, except quietly to Emmett. As for Jasper and Alice, well, they didn't look away from each other the entire period.

The bell rang and Sage walked me upstairs to U.S. History. He leaned me against the lockers and kissed me deeply.

With a wink he whispered, "There'll be more later."

I shivered in pleasure and walked numbly into the classroom. I didn't know anyone in the class, so I sat quietly and listened to the teacher lecture. He had a very quiet, soothing voice and I found myself having a hard time keeping my eyes open.

Physics was interesting. Science wasn't exactly my favorite subject, but I didn't hate it either. It would definitely be different from biology and chemistry.

Alice met me outside of the classroom and we walked together to choir, the last class of the day. The teacher gave us the usual speech lamely, and then let us sit and talks for the rest of the class.

We noticed Edward sitting alone on the risers and we went over and joined him. Or at least, I did. Alice got lost half way there and wound up across the room with one of her cheerleader friends.

I sat next to him and he gave me a small smile. "Edward, right?"

He nodded. "Bella?"

I nodded in return and bumped his knee with mine. "So, what brings you here?"

"Uh, well, my dad's a doctor and got a job offer from the Cleveland Clinic, one that he couldn't refuse, so we had to move," he explained, a tightness in his eyes.

"What about the rest of them? Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper?"

"Well, Emmett's my brother so he had to come. And legally, so are Rosalie and Jasper."

"What do you mean by that?" I questioned.

"We adopted them," he answered.

I nodded to myself. "What about your mom?"

He frowned. "She died, three years ago."

I put my hand on his knee. "Edward, I'm sorry."

He smiled. "Thanks. So, what's your story?"

I sighed dramatically. "Well, I've lived here all my life. My dad's the chief of police and, well, enough said."

He chuckled. "Siblings?"

I smiled brightly. "One, Cailee. She's five."

"And what about your mom?" he wondered.

I frowned. "My dad kicked her out when I was twelve, right after Cailee was born. They divorced and the court decided that she was 'unfit'," I explained with air quotes, "so we stayed with my dad."

His eyes met mine. "I'm sorry."

I smiled and we dissolved into shallow, silly banter. I caught Alice's eye across the room and she gave me a suggestive wink. I gave her a 'what the fuck?' look and flipped her the bird.

Edward laughed and commented on how close we were. When the bell rang, he offered to walk me to where ever I was going, but I saw Sage standing in the doorway and politely turned him down.

Sage took my hand and we made our way outside. Alice was standing by the driver side of my car, Jasper leaning against the silver Audi next to it. She was twirling her hair playfully and batting her eyelashes. I wondered if I looked like that with Sage, and wanted to apologize to anyone that had ever seen it.

I unlocked my car which caused her to jump away from it and scowl at me. Jasper and Alice exchanged phones and then Alice got in my car.

Sage pushed me against the car so I had to sit on the hood. He captured my face in his hands and I twined my fingers into his rich black hair.

"I'll see you tonight," he whispered huskily, his icy blue eyes nearly black.

I bit my lip and kissed him intensely. He gave me one last kiss and then walked to his car. I got into my car and noticed that Edward was climbing into the Audi next to me. He nodded to me and I smiled before pulling out of my spot and speeding away from the school.

I dropped Alice off at her house and then went to mine. I had a half an hour before I had to pick up Cailee. I walked in and found my pug and cat playing in the living room. At least, it looked like playing. My cat, Mason, was swatting poor Addy's nose and then running off before she could catch him.

I checked for messages and then grabbed an apple and started to munch as I did the usual after school routine. When it was time to leave, I locked the house up again and drove to the elementary school.

I was a little early so I got a pretty good parking space. I pulled my sunglasses out of the glove compartment and walked to the front of the building to wait for her.

As I waited, I thought about what Sage was planning for tonight. We hadn't been physically close in a while, and I knew it was starting to get to him, because it was getting to me. Hell, we were sexually frustrated. I think everyone was beginning to notice.

"Belly!" I heard Cailee yell as she plowed into my legs.

I chuckled. "Hey bug. How was school?"

She slipped her hand into mine as we walked to my car. "It was okay. Mr. Tucker made us draw a picture of our families."

"Did you?" I asked, worried. Cailee wasn't a bad kid, she just…didn't do something if she didn't want to. Most of the time.

She nodded sadly. I stopped next to my car and kneeled next to her. I pulled her chin up to look me in the eye.

"What's wrong, bug?" I asked and brushed the hair out of her face.

"Mr. Tucker asked why I had no mommy," she whispered.

"What did you tell him?"

"That mommy had to leave," she murmured, her voice full of tears.

I pulled her into a hug. "You know that mommy loves you Cail. And daddy, and me, right?"

She nodded and wiped her eyes. I kissed her forehead, helped her in the car, and buckled her.

She sang me a song that she learned in school. Something to do with school is your friend or some shit like that. All I know is that she made up a lot of extra words. She opened the window and started to sing loudly to everyone outside, causing many to look. But she didn't care, she only giggled and sang louder.

As soon as we got home she ran into the house and right to Addy.

"Addy, you lost your bow!" I heard her say, exasperated as I walked into the kitchen.

"Mason, you bad kitty, that is not a toy!"

I chuckled and pulled out Cailee's favorite, chicken nuggets, and turned the oven on.

Cailee squealed and ran through the kitchen like a tornado, Addy hot on her heels, and out the back door.

I sat at the kitchen table, staring blankly at the wall, thinking about Sage, but also listening sharply for any noise that Cailee might make. The timer on the oven beeped and I hurried to pull the food out when I heard a car in the driveway. It was too early for Charlie to be home, so I assumed it was Sage.

I was transferring the nuggets from the cookie sheet to a plate when I heard Cailee start to cry.

"Shit," I muttered and ran outside.

I stopped when I saw Cailee in Sage's arms, clinging to him as if her life depended on it. He shushed her and rubbed her back soothingly.

"Belly," she cried, holding her arms open for me.

I took her expertly into my arms and gave Sage a kiss before we made our way back into the house.

I sat her down on the counter and brushed the tears out of her eyes. "What hurts, bug?"

"My foot," she sniffled.

I looked down and noticed that she was barefoot, and that the bottom of her right one was red. I took a deep breath and nodded for Sage to come stand in front of her. He took my place and I walked into the bathroom to get a washcloth and band-aid.

I gently cleaned the bottom of her foot and put the band-aid over a tiny cut on her heel. While I was doing that Sage made her a plate of food and put juice in a sippy cup for her. I picked her up off the counter and set her down at the table. I kissed the top of her head and then went back to clean up the kitchen.

Strong arms wrapped around my waist and I smiled. His lips went to my neck and he began to gently bite and suck.

"Sage, not now," I giggled.

He chuckled. "So that means it is happening?"

"Isn't that what you wanted?" I wondered.

He smirked devilishly and leaned in. "I want you," he whispered and nipped my earlobe.

"Hurry up," I giggled, dragging him upstairs.

"No, I'm enjoying the view," he leered.

I heard the side door slam shut and then Charlie as he walked through the kitchen. Cailee squealed and no doubt threw herself at him. I pulled Sage into my room and locked the door behind us. We went for each other hungrily, needing the other more than we had thought. He latched onto me and stumbled backwards onto my bed.

"One second," I whispered and pushed off him.

I turned the radio on, not so much for us, but for my father who would no doubt be listening. Or trying to.

"Slow down, Lie down,
Remember it's just you and me.
Don't sell out, bow out,
Remember how this used to be…."

I smiled as Paolo Nutini's Last Request filled my room. I walked slowly back to Sage and slowly climbed on top of him.

"I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let's get closer tonight."

It was slow and sweet at first, but neither one of us could wait much longer. Our clothes were discarded and I could feel him ready and waiting above me.

"Grant my last request,
And just let me hold you.
Don't shrug your shoulders,
Lay down beside me.
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,
But one last time let's go there,
Lay down beside me."

I slowly pushed him up, until I was on top. He smiled at the change in position and reached into the top drawer of my bedside table for a condom. After a minute of searching he looked at me.

He chuckled. "Uh, babe, there's no condoms in here."

"What? Yes there are," I leaned over and began looking.

"Son of a bitch," I muttered when my hands came out empty.

"It's okay, I got this."

Sage kissed me as he reached into his wallet on the floor and pulled out the foil packet. I helped him put it on, never breaking the kiss. He smiled as I lowered myself gently onto him, groaning as a wave of pleasure rippled between us.

I set a slow, but gradually increasing pace. Sage grabbed my hips and guided me to the right places. He switched so he was now on top and I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him in deeper. His lips crashed down on mine, and I tugged on his hair as I got closer to my peak.

"Bella?" Cailee's tiny voice came from my door.

"Fuck," I moaned.

There was no way we could stop now.

"What?" I called back.

"Daddy says to stop playing leap frog because you forgot your balloons," she said with a giggle and then traipsed off.

I put a leg over his shoulder, allowing him to hit a new angle and cried out in pleasure.

Sage's lips crashed down on mine as his heat flooded me.

"I love you," he whispered, collapsing on the bed next to me.

"I love you," I said, entranced by his crystal blue eyes. I kissed him sweetly and then slowly got out of bed and put on a pair of jeans and Sage's t-shirt.

He chuckled. "What am I supposed to wear?"

I smiled and leaned down to give him another kiss. "I'm sure you'll find something."

I made to leave but he reached out and pulled me back to him. "Tell me how pissed off you are right now."

I smiled sweetly. "Pretty fucking pissed."

He stood up, pulled his shirt off me, and put it on himself. I picked up my discarded blue sweater and lazily put it on. I ran my fingers through my hair a few times before we descended the stairs.

"Wait for me outside," I told him," take Cailee."

He sighed and kissed me again. "Cailee, let's go for a walk."

"Coming Sagey!" she sang and skipped to him.

I waited until they were outside before walking into the kitchen.

"Bella, so glad you decided to grace me with your presence," Charlie began.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

"I see you no longer care about protection?" he questioned sliding the condoms across the table at me.

I said nothing.

"Why the fuck were those in your room? You're too God-damned young to be having sex," he finally snapped.

I smirked and shook my head, refusing to say anything.

"Answer me when I'm talking to you," he seethed.

I narrowed my eyes. "Why the hell were you in my room?"

"It's my house, I'll do as I please!" he roared.

I went back to silence. He stood up and put the condoms roughly in my hand.

"If you're going to fuck the boys, at least do it safely."

"Look at the pot calling the kettle black," I scoffed and turned on my heels.

Sage and Cailee were playing tag when I went outside. Without a word, we all got in his car and drove. We wound up at the park, and as Cailee played, I silently broke down in Sage's arms.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Sage asked again, wiping a stray tear.

"Of course I do, but you know you can't."

"I'll see you tomorrow," he promised and enveloped me in a hug.

I kissed him sweetly and watched him drive away before I went inside and quietly to my room. I found a hoodie that Sage had left at my house and held it to my face as I lay in my empty bed. My eyes closed but I had no hope sleep.

I heard a quiet cry and I shot out of bed. I heard it again, but louder and ran to Cailee's room. She was laying on her side, her blankets tucked underneath her, tiny tears running down her face. I walked to the bed and scooped her up gently into my arms, holding her close to me. She drew closer to me.

"I want mommy," she sobbed brokenly.

My heart broke. I kissed her hair and sang quietly.

"I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We will walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold."

She fell asleep still in my arms and I placed her in bed and pulled her blankets around her again. I kissed her forehead and silently left her room, back to my own. I cursed my mother for being the person that she was. I hated my dad for making her leave. And I hated them both for being selfish enough to bring another child into their fucked up life.

I crawled into my bed and dialed Sage's number. Within minutes, I was back in his arms, loved and loving.

I fell asleep in his arms, where everything was perfect.

A/N: Well…what'd ya think? Please review and let me know. Chapter two up soon, promise (:
XOXO
Love
Kelly

P.S. Checkyesjulia will be co-writing with me.