A/N This plot bunny came to me and kept nibbling until I gave in and wrote it. Please Read and Review, helpful suggestions are always welcome.
Bold represents Lothlin talking to Haldir
Italics represent memories
Normal text represents the present.
But we carry on our backs a burden time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything that I've held so dear
-Sarah Mclachlan, Fallen-
Pain. Blinding, terrible pain. It was all he could feel. With the pain came the certainity that often procedes death; the exact moment of realization that he would not see another sunrise. It was welcome. This was what he had wished for, prayed for, in the dark and lonely years that followed the death of the most precious thing in his life. It seemed so insignificant all of a sudden, the screams, yells and roars. Everything had faded away to a dull, hollow sound in his ears. His eyesight was darkening, blurring the cruel sights before him. But he could still see the ravens fly.
Their boots made no sound as they flew over the ground in the branches of the trees. Twenty elves silently dropped to ground, scouting for signs of their quarry. A willowly elleth lightly placed her hand on his shoulder.
"Haldir, which way do you want us to go?" she asked quietly, grey eyes assesing the split tracks leading away into the undergrowth.
Turning to face her he replied,"You take your patrol down the left path, My patrol will take the right. If you haven't found anything in an hour return here and we will alert the other Commanders"
She smiled softly at him, placing her hand on his cheek for a light caress before turning and whistling for her patrol to join her. Searching out his eyes one last time she dissapeared into the wood.
He raised his head to the sky, watching the lazy circling flight of the ravens as they drifted overhead.
How it hurt. The pain that tore liquid fire through his body was nothing, nothing compared to the pain that had been tearing apart his heart for the last three hundred years.
He moved quickly to the two elves that supported the wounded soldier. Blood matted the soldier's head and torso and he seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness. Signalling to the healer of the patrol he gently lifted up the soldiers chin, trying to quell the deep feeling of dread that wound its way round his heart, "Culas, what happened my friend, where are the rest of your patrol?"
Culas's dazed and pained-filled eyes met his slowly,"Haldir I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He coughed violently as the healer began to tend to his wounds.
"What are you sorry for my friend," Haldir could hear his voice rise a notch and fought to calm it.
"Lothrin, she sent me back...to find help" Every word was punctuated a hacking coughing fit which brought blood to his lips, "It was a trap...they were...waiting for us...we couldn't hold them." His eyes again lifted to Haldirs,"They're...all...dead" he choked out before collapsing into the healers arms.
Haldir's eyes widened violently and he paled to a deathly shade of white."No, Lothrin, No!" He took a few deep breaths to compose himself before turning to face his patrol, "We must find them, and bring them home, then destroy the filth that took them from us." His strong voice cracked, the grim-faced elves nodded silently. He was all too aware of the cries of the ravens as the circled above him.
In the dim haze of pain he was aware of someone holding him, as he had held her all those long years ago. It didn't matter now, nothing mattered.
The warriors entered the clearing silently, fair faces filled with grief at the sight they beheld; one of carrnage and horror. Their fallen comrades lay littered on the ground, among the bodies of orcs and other filth. Blood stained the grass and the river was the colour of wine where it was blocked by bodies. Giving out orders to burn the orcs and collect their own he caught sight of her, body twisted on the ground. Letting out a cry of pain he ran to her. He was filled with so much hate it threatened to consume him; her throat was cut haphazardly, it would not have killed her outright. She had suffered, his beloved one has suffered a painful death surrounded by the dying screams of her brethern. He softly stroked her fair hair, streaked with blood, from her face. He didn't realise he was crying until the first droplets fell on her face, smearing away the blood. Burying his face in her neck the cries came unhindered as he sobbed. His mate was gone, the other half of his soul torn away leaving a ragged tear on his his heart that would never heal.
He trembled as his brother wrapped his arms around him.
"Come Haldir, you have to bring her home," Rumil held his brother close, tear trails streaking down his sorrowed face. He watched as the ravens came down to feast on the fallen corpses.
He did not fear death now, by rights he should have been dead long ago. His gaze fell upon his fallen army, he had failed them utterly.
"Haldir, listen to me, please brother!" Orophin shook the fair-haired elf in front of him. Haldir had been lying in his flet for weeks, the Lady had granted him leave for Lothlin's funeral. She seemed to be the only one who could reach his brother in the dark place he was now. "Haldir, please brother speak to me" he pleaded.
"He won't listen he thinks it is his fault." Rumil said softly. Kneeling on Haldir's other side, he took that cold hand in his. "You do, don't you? If only you hadn't put her on that week's rooster, if only you had told her to take the right hand path instead of the left. Brother it was not your fault, no-one could have known there were that many orcs lying in wait." he desperatly tried to reason with his brother.
"It was my fault, It should have been me," the fading elf replied, his voice filled with so much self hate Rumil and Orophin wanted to weep.
"Lothlin knew the risks, the same as every soldier does, she knew that she could die protecting her people. She gave her life to keep us safe, to keep you safe, you dishonour her memory!" Rumil said angrily.
"I do no such thing!" Haldir hissed, before his eyes clouded over once more,"I'm alone Rumil, she's gone, she left me to face this cold world alone and I can't do it, Elbereth help me I can't" his voiced ended in high sob.
Orophin and Rumil embraced him as one, "You are not alone Haldir, we are here, we will help, please brother Lothlin would have wanted you to live,"Orophin whispered fiercely in Haldir's ear.
Outside the forests echoed with the ravens' cry.
He could hear every ragged breath he took reverbrate in his chest. It was so hard to breathe, his lungs felt like they were burning.
"Haldir"
He gasped, her voice, he could hear her voice in his head.
"Haldir"
She stood before him, clad in a shining silver gown, untouched by the war going on around her. She smiled softly at him. Her eyes much wisdom now, it was etched into every fibre of her being. He knew not what delusions these were but they were welcome all the same.
"Loth...lin," he spoke haltingly, the arms around him tightening, a name saying his voice. It all seemed so far away.
"I'm here, don't be afraid"
She knelt beside him, pressing her hand to his cheek. He wanted to tough her but he lacked the strength to even breathe now.
"Let go beloved, let go"
With that he expelled the last breath of air within him and joined her. He would never be parted from her again.
And the ravens cried in the darkened sky.
Aragorn, son of Arathorn, placed his arm on Legolas's arm in comfort. "I'm sorry Legolas" he said, having just imparted the news of Haldir death to his friend.
Legolas turned shining eyes to Aragorn."I only hope he is with his beloved now, that he finds peace with her in the Halls of Waiting" he said softly.
Recognition dawned in the future Knig's eyes,"Lothlin!" he whispered.
"How did you know her name?" Legolas asked curiously.
Aragorn smiled gently, "Rest assured my friend, he is is with her now" turning back to the night sky he gazed at the ravens flying over his head.
"Yes he is with her."