(Fan Fiction based on characters created by J.K. Rowling)
Selected correspondence between George Weasley, Ron Weasley and Quentmonk Boffinly. These letters are the Top Secret intellectual property of CBC and further disclosure will get you hexed. You have been warned!
From: Quentmonk Boffinly
Cleansweep Broom Company
To: George Weasley, Senior Partner
Weasley Wizard Wheezes
Dear Mr. Weasley,
I am interested in securing your advice as an expert in practical charms, enchantments and out-of-the-box thinking. By way of introduction, I am the chief researcher for the Cleansweep Broom Company. We are assembling a team of creative minds to expand our line of brooms with new features not previously available.
I understand you have a successful business to manage and I am only requesting a small amount of your time to share ideas you may have about how to make brooms more useful and appealing to our customers.
I am enclosing a Gringotts draft for 200 Galleons as an initial payment for your time and as a gesture of good faith. I would appreciate an opportunity to meet you personally and brainstorm some fresh ideas. I am also requesting discretion and secrecy concerning this effort. Our competitors can be ruthless and we don't wish to tip our hand too soon.
Yours sincerely,
Q. Boffinly
Dear Mr. Boffinly,
Thank you for the letter and payment draft. If convenient, please stop by the shop at 93 Diagon Alley and we can talk.
Sincerely,
George Weasley
TO: Ronald Weasley
Gryffindor House
Hogwarts
Dear Ron,
How are you? How are the N.E.W.T. year makeup classes going? Is Hermione being totally mental about the exams?
Had an interesting visitor from Cleansweep who wants to pick my brain for their new broom research department. The guy in named Quentmonk and he is one weird wizard. He is Muggle-born and actually went to a Muggle university called "Cambridge" after he finished at Hogwarts. He wore ratty old jeans and had a t-shirt that read "Linux Rules! Microsoft Sucks!". I guess they are Quidditch teams but I never heard of them. Anyway, he is paying me to think up cool stuff for the next generation of Cleansweep brooms. Once we got into it, I had a lot of fun coming up with more and more outrageous features a broom might have. He put all the ideas into one of those lapdog computing thingies. Dad would have gone nuts!
The reason I mention all this is Quentmonk wants all the ideas he can get and I mentioned you and your impressive adventures with Harry and Hermione last year. He is willing to throw some paid work your way. Let me know what you think.
George
Dear George,
Thanks for the letter and the opportunity to earn some Galleons. I need to buy some more books that Hermione insists must be added to our N.E.W.T. revision list so the timing is perfect. I enclosed a list of some ideas I have for the ultimate broom and hope they are not duplicates of your ideas. Let me know what Quentmonk thinks about them.
Ron
P.S. Can you owl me some dungbombs? I have a little 'project' involving the Slytherins.
From: Quentmonk Boffinly
Cleansweep Broom Company
To: George Weasley, Senior Partner
Weasley Wizard Wheezes
Dear Mr. Weasley,
I apologise for the three months it has taken me to write about the broom concepts you and your brother Ronald have shared with us. We have been prototyping, testing and researching the market with many of your excellent ideas. Regrettably, not every proposal will succeed in the real world but several show great promise. Here are some results based on what we are calling "The Weasley Set" of ideas.
In-flight "conveniences"
A worthy concept, especially for long journeys. We have experimented with several methods of providing relief for the rider but kept running into various snags. An auto-spell was devised to simply shift the 'product' away from the body but occasionally the wrong fluid or material was removed instead (to the rather shirty annoyance of our testers). Environmental impact was also a factor, as Muggles really don't like the product falling from the sky at odd moments. We built several miniature loo prototypes but again the testers found these to be impractical while in motion. It seems the old standby, ground and find a bush, will continue to be the only method.
Autopilot
This has been tried in the past with mixed results. However, Ronald's suggestion to make it voice controlled, like the Floo Network, was worth trying. The problem is that a fully functioning autopilot and navigation suite causes the rider to get bored and nod off while still in the air. We added automatic sticking charms to prevent the rider from sliding off while napping. Other problems remain however. The navigation spell occasionally forgets the destination and keeps on flying until the rider wakes up. One of our testers, meaning to travel from London to Glasgow on a test flight appears to have run into this glitch. He was last seen, asleep, flying over Vilnius, Lithuania in a northeastern direction. We are hoping to find him before the Siberian winter takes hold.
Onboard entertainment
A solution to the boredom problem this is, nonetheless, a difficult issue. The extreme magical fields of a broom underway make using Muggle electronics impossible even with the shields used by tech savvy wizards. Television, DVD, music players and the like won't work properly. Reading while being buffeted by wind and turbulence is difficult. You mentioned the possibility of a book charmed to speak its contents out loud. This was tried with a silencing spell to reduce wind noise and could be heard quite well. The problem is that books for reasons unknown are subject to motion sickness and acrophobia while in-flight. Instead of properly reciting their prose the books complain, whine, curse and generally make their discomfort known to the rider. We have some inquiries out there and hope a solution can be found.
Passenger space
Also a concept worth consideration and with some history. Large passenger brooms are available but haven't sold well. However, Ronald's suggestion of a broom 'built for two' with cozy cushioning charms and a built-in drinks bar is exciting. The target market would be couples who wish to 'park' above some romantic spot and snog until the drinks run out. Our testers were very enthusiastic about the prototype trials and two of them are now engaged.
Climate control
Again a feature tried in the past. The problem is producing a space around the rider to warm or cool him while flying. Such spaces interfere with the reactive fields that propel the broom. We built a prototype that provided heat, air conditioning and humidity control for the rider. However, the broom could only travel at 7 metres per hour, not an acceptable level of performance.
Offensive weapons systems
An area of great interest for us and several proposed combat models are being developed. However, Ronald's list of weapons and their capabilities implies deployment during Quidditch matches and would not be in the long-term interest of the game.
Defensive countermeasures
Also important for combat brooms and undergoing review by the development team. Your suggestion to combine Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder with stink pellets could be effective in escaping a close pursuit.
Anti-Wronski braking and reversal system
Of the 73 Quidditch related capabilities you and Ronald have suggested, this is both the most interesting and the most difficult. Trials of a prototype that both stopped a ground crash and did a 180-degree turnaround worked well, for the broom. Unfortunately, the player continues crashing into the ground, sans broom. Inertia and momentum still defy easy magical workarounds. The research is ongoing.
We are continuing to explore your other ideas and we keep you apprised of further developments. Enclosed are the latest payment drafts for you and your brother. Please don't hesitate to send us any new thoughts you have.
Yours sincerely,
Q. Boffinly
Dear George,
Thanks for the last draft from Cleansweep. I was surprised to see my 'built for two' idea is now listed in Which Broomstick? Magazine as the "Cleansweep Duo." Hermione saw the article and is now hinting that is would make a nice Valentine's gift. I thought she did not like brooms but maybe I missed something.
Ron
A/N: Please review, all opinions are greatly appreciated. Jim