Author's Note: I want to clarify that this is meant to be a parody of Young Frankenstein the musical's song He Vas My Boyfriend and how Eren treated Mikasa in the first season of Attack on Titan. This fic isn't meant to be taken seriously as I do believe Eren and Mikasa make a cute couple. Try to have fun with it and feel free to listen to the original song as you read. Hope you all enjoy.
"Alright miss, we would like to ask you a few questions. Is that alright?"
"Of course. Ask away." Mikasa Ackerman sat in the interrogation room being questioned by two police officers. Apparently, they are looking up leads to find their prominent criminal yet to be captured, Eren Jaeger. She figured they found her connection to him and are now questioning her to see if she knows her whereabouts.
"Okay then. Officer Kirschtein, you may take the lead." The cop explained to his partner. Officer Kirschtein moved forward and begun his interrogation. "So, Ms. Ackerman, what would you say you're relationship status is?" His partner slapped him on the head and said "Just because she's pretty doesn't mean you can hit on her."
"I wasn't. It was a legitimate question for the investigation." He said with a blush. As his partner was about to retort, Mikasa answered with "I'm currently single"
"Well then, Officer Arlert, your turn." Officer Kirschtein replied as Officer Arlert begun his questioning. "Now, how would you describe your lifestyle?" Mikasa replied with "My childhood wasn't the best, but my family and I managed."
"Alright then. Now, how would you describe the criminal known as 'Eren Jaeger'?" And to their shock, she answered with "He was my boyfriend."
"YOUR BOYFRIEND?" shouted the two officers in shock. Mikasa merely nodded and continued. "You're probably confused about that statement, so I shall clarify what I mean." The two officers leaned in to hear the story, but to their surprise, she started to sing.
Mikasa: Love comes when you least suspect it. Love dances in on a whim. I thought maybe I could direct it, but I never expected...A guy like him. (she stands with great force) He was a bully and a brute. He was as crazy as a coot, still I didn't give a hoot. He was my boyfriend! (begins to walk around the room) With every woman, he would flirt. He always treated me like dirt, but I was happy to be hurt. He was my boyfriend! (stops and looks in the distance with a dreamy look) I was as pure as a virgin meadow, lying with Eren in the gloam. (leans to the two cops and whispers) Then he turned to me, that charmer, whispered, "Let's play farmer" and plowed me 'til the cows came home!
"Well, this is a lot of information mam." Officer Arlert said with a strained smile as his partner just looked disturbed. Mikasa laughs it off and said "You don't even know the half of it." and continues to sing.
Mikasa: He was a monster and a beast. His midnight bangings never ceased. It didn't faze me in the least He was my boyfriend!
Mikasa sits down and continues with "I'll never forget the first time I met Eren. It was on the village green, at the annual bock beer festival, where every beer costs a buck. I was an innocent young lamb and he acted like a raging bull. We were made for each other. All of a sudden, he shouted to me "Let's play croquet!", and off to the field we went. He carried his hoops and mallets and I carried his balls." She giggled while the officers were getting more and more horrified and disturbed with her story. "What a festival! Fun and games all day long. Archery, zip-lining, bean bag toss. Eren won the three-legged race...all by himself. It was love at first sight!" She then stood up from her chair and sung again.
Mikasa: He was the one I gave my heart to, but we never wed even so. If I mentioned wedlock, he'd put me in a headlock! When I asked to be his wife, he stabbed me with a kitchen knife! Ah, where did the good times go!? (she sits down on the chair harshly and slams her fist into the table) If he had an angry fit, I was the first thing that he'd hit, but I didn't give a shit...HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND! YES! (she ends her song with a crazed smile, while the two officers looked at each other, wondering what to say next)
"Is that right?" asked Officer Arlert.
"Every word, sir." replied Mikasa, who looked a bit more relaxed. Officer Kirschtein chimes in with "Well, I think we've got all we need. You're free to go now." With that Mikasa bows in appreciation and leaves the room.
After she left, Officer Kirschtein asks his partner "You don't think she is hiding him from arrest, do you Armin?"
Officer Arlert just shrugged and said "It's a possibility Jean. He was her boyfriend." with Officer Kirschtein groaning "Don't remind me" and goes off to sulk.
THE END