Title: The Things We Do For Juice
Author/Artist: bandanability
Rating: PG-13-ish
Warnings: Sex. Crack. Language.
Prompt: For KHRFest, prompt 3 − 46. XS, Levi/Lightning Squad, Lussuria/corpse, BelFran - Nights with the Varia; "Tsuna realized that the Varia mansion is a place for debauchery"
Summary: Tsuna woke up at four in the morning with a foul taste in his mouth and a distinct craving for orange juice.
Word count: 1080

Tsuna woke up at four in the morning with a foul taste in his mouth and a distinct craving for orange juice.

He sat up, rubbed his eyes, and groaned when he realized he had no fucking clue where the kitchen was in the Varia mansion, where he was staying. He thought about asking Xanxus, but quickly did away with the thought when he imagined what his temper would be like at this hour. Instead, he decided that he might as well find it himself, and he began a journey that was destined to end in disaster.

He pulled on a pair of sweatpants that were resting on top of his hastily-packed suitcase (Reborn had told him he was to be going to Italy mere minutes before he had to leave for the airport, to test his "last-minute skills" or some such bullshit) and he wandered out of his room and down the eerily empty, mostly dark hallway, trying to recall the layout of the mansion, but his earlier tour had mostly consisted of Xanxus ignoring him and Lussuria squeezing his ass.

Needless to say, he was completely lost.

He decided that going down was a fairly safe bet, so he headed in the direction he remembered the stairs being in, trying to see in the very dim light seeping out from under several doors. He fumbled to the end of the hallway and discovered a wall. He frowned. Hadn't they come from this way earlier? He figured his memory was incorrect and headed to the other end of the hallway, where he was met with a choice of which direction to go in. He turned left and got lucky, soon coming to a staircase only heading down.

He made his way down the stairs, seeing very little to indicate anything kitchen-y at any of the landings. Once he could go no further down, he realized that it would take until morning to search the entire building for juice that they might not even have, so he gave up and decided to head back to bed.

He was just turning around when he heard a muffled shout of "FUCK" that sounded very much like Squalo.

And Squalo would know where he could get orange juice!

He wasn't sure which door the shout had come from, but he decided to check the rooms in this hall. After all, it looked shorter and there were lights on in five or six of the rooms along it. He figured this was where the Varia's core members slept, and so there was a decent chance of finding someone who would help him, him being their boss and all. And really, what could go wrong?

Determined to get his juice, he headed straight for the third door on the left, it being the first with a light on. He turned the knob, and jiggled it a bit (old doors, crazy dysfunctional things) before pushing the door open.

He closed it very quickly.

He wasn't entirely sure what he'd just seen. Well, that was something of a lie - he was nineteen, and not exactly a virgin - but his mind refused to resolve the details. It had been Xanxus' thunder guardian, he believed, but he didn't want to think about the specifics. There had been - how many? three? four? others there, and they were all clearly lacking in two things. The first was decency. The second was clothing. But at least none of them had seen him, right?

Instead of worrying himself, he decided to continue looking for Squalo. He made his way to the next lit door, only to discover it was locked. He knocked, but didn't recognize the voice that told him to fuck off.

He shrugged and opened the door next to it, and promptly decided that the Varia mansion was a place for debauchery. He stood, gaping, for a brief moment.

"Ushishishi, what? Never seen -"

The prince's words were cut off by Tsuna making an "eep!" noise and slamming the door. He - ah - it… why was the frog one tied up? How did that position even work? And why were Belphegor's knives there?

He pressed his hands to his eyes and shook his head furiously, trying to erase the images from his brain, but the only effect it has was making his mouth taste even worse. But really, there were only a few other core members of the Varia, and he'd probably seen the worst of it. True, he hadn't seen Lussuria, but surely -

"Ah~ Tsuna~!"

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear.

Tsuna turned to face the flamboyant - and very very naked Varia officer - and is that a CORPSE he's holding - oh god what is it with this place?

"HIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!" Tsuna ran down the hallway, hyperventilating. (Lussuria shot him an odd look and closed his door, frowning.) Even orange juice wasn't worth going through this kind of trauma for.

But if he didn't get his juice, it would all have been for nothing. And that would make it even worse, he reasoned. Besides, he had seen everyone but Squalo and Xanxus, and only one more light was on in the hall, which meant it would be one of those two, and either could tell him where to find juice, and if it was Xanxus, it wasn't like he was sleeping, right?

And it wasn't like he could see anything that he hadn't already.

(Tsuna never really was skilled at decision making.)

He steeled his resolve and walked straight for the last door on the right, only to find that it was locked. He frowned for a moment, but then remembered he could knock! He did, and heard Squalo mutter, "What the fuck." He grinned as the door opened - he'd been afraid he'd have to deal with -

Xanxus.

"What the fuck do you want, trash?"

Tsuna squeaked. It seemed like wearing clothes was some kind of sin here, he thought, as he noticed Xanxus' lack of pants.

"Ah, I, uh - "

"Spit it out. I'm fuckin' busy."

"Orange juice?"

"Orange juice? You come down here at four in the fucking morning and interrupt me looking for orange juice?" Before Tsuna knew what was happening, Xanxus had his gun in hand. "I am going to blow your fucking head off, you - "

Tsuna didn't hear the rest of what Xanxus said, as he was a bit busy running for his life.

fin.

Thoughts?