Notes: Don't take this seriously, I don't even know why I'm publishing it like this. It was written last week while sleep deprived and after drinking half a litre of coffee (I only rarely drink coffee, so this was a lot xD) so both Thrawn and Eli are totally OOC and I don't know if it's funny for a normal human being, but it was definitely a lot of fun to write :-)

Notes: If I ever get to a similar state of mind, this might turn into a series of one-shots, but I don't want to promise anything.

…

You could say about Thrawn that he was always at least one step ahead and that nothing ever surprised him. Many times, when others were left with their mouths open, he was just standing there, one corner of his mouth slightly raised as things proceeded according to his plans.

You could probably say the complete opposite about Eli Vanto. Thrawn's crazy ideas often left him speechless and wondering whether the alien truly had any plan or this time it was too much and they were finally going to die in such a weird way that none of the officers making reports about it would be able to explain it.

This time, however, the occurrence seemed so insignificant and random that Eli thought his mind make it up as he and Thrawn were making their way back to the bridge, both tired after long day.

Still, Eli would swear he heard Thrawn say hello. Not a salute to a passing officer, not a nod to a passing subordinate – just a silent and polite 'hello'.

Eli looked around but the hallway was completely empty so he frowned at Thrawn, but the Chiss seemed too lost in thoughts to notice.

So Eli blamed his tired mind and forgot about the incident even before he started with the day's dose of paperwork.

…

But then it happened again and this time there was no doubt that Eli heard correctly. He looked at Thrawn, but the alien didn't show any signs of something being wrong and was confidently looking in front of him. Eli checked the corridor again, but couldn't see anyone.

That's really weird.

Perhaps he is so brilliant his mind can't take it anymore and he's losing it, Eli thought.

Shit, it's not like there are any resources about his race on the holonet… and I can't exactly ask him, can I?

Lieutenant Thrawn, sir, is it possible that, with all due respect, you are losing your mind? Sir?

The thought was enough to make him chuckle. Maybe Thrawn wouldn't take it personally, he never really seemed upset about anything someone said about him. He just stared at the person and analysed whatever there was to analyse about them. Eli feared the moment when Thrawn would lose his perfect self-control and act on emotions. That would be so destructive for not only his enemies but probably even the alien himself so Eli hoped it would never come to that.

"Ensign Vanto?" Thrawn asked.

"Yes, sir?" Eli smirked a little, hoping the Chiss didn't learn how to read minds yet.

"Are you feeling alright?" Thrawn asked caringly.

"Yes, sir." Eli grinned. Perfect, now he's thinking I am losing it, he thought sarcastically.

"If you are ill, you can tell me, it would be okay to take a proper time to heal." Thrawn insisted.

"I am not ill." Eli frowned. Where is he getting this idea?

Thrawn, whether by accident or by knowing-all answered Eli's unsaid question.

"So the sound you made wasn't sneeze?"

Eli had to laugh at that.

"No, that was something like a supressed laugh, it's called a chuckle. I was just remembering something." Eli explained.

"Ah," Thrawn fell silent.

"Besides, if a person sneezes once or twice it doesn't have to mean anything."

"Why do humans do that than?" Thrawn asked sceptically.

"It's not exactly an optional matter. It can happen if something irritates a nasal mucosa, for example a pollen or an exotic spice."

Then Eli realized he could use the current topic to his advantage.

"So if you sneeze, does it mean automatically that you're ill?" Eli asked.

"The Chiss don't sneeze."

"Like never?" Eli asked disbelievingly.

"No." Thrawn confirmed.

"Cool." Eli remembered to get back on track with his unobtrusive interrogation.

"So what happens when you're ill?"

"Well, we don't get ill in a same way humans do. We can only suffer from hyperthermia, which could be similar as your flu in terms of dangerousness. Basically the temperature of our bodies rises dangerously and if not treated it could cause coma of organ failure and death."

"Then of course we can get injured, as you can recall from the incident at the Academy." Thrawn explained.

"I wished that was the same for us, the colds and allergies are endless." Eli complained. Here's my chance.

"So… what about mental health problems?"

"There are some, probably similar to human's." Thrawn shrugged.

Eli didn't know what else to ask without the possibility of overstepping some boundaries, so he only nodded and let it go.

…

Few days later he regretted not pressing the matter, because Thrawn did it again. Eli probably wouldn't mind anymore as nothing indicated that something was wrong with his superior, he only greeted empty corridors sometimes. So what, there were worse things commanders and military leaders did.

The problem was that this time they were accompanied by three younger officers, who clearly heard Thrawn saying hello.

At first they looked around in confusion in the same way Eli did. Then they started grinning and exchanging funny looks behind Thrawn's back. Of course they didn't laugh aloud or say anything to Thrawn, but their clear amusement proved that this will be the no. 1 story in the mess hall during evening meal.

Eli turned red with embarrassment, even though the mockery wasn't aimed directly at him. He couldn't even tell if it was better that Thrawn seemed oblivious to the whole situation or tragic that he embarrassed himself in front of his soldiers without a chance to explain. Probably both in a weird sense.

When the officers left them, Eli immediately asked Thrawn, "Sir, can I talk to you?"

"Of course," Thrawn turned to him with interest.

"In private." Eli sighed.

"Of course," Thrawn repeated and got up.

Eli followed him to his office without another word.

…

"Sir, I didn't want to bring it up, but I think we should talk about it."

"What is it?"

"Do you recall when we walked with those three officers few minutes ago?"

"Of course. I noticed they were 'chucking' as you were some days ago." Thrawn stated proudly when he remembered the correct term.

Eli went red so quickly he thought his face would explode.

"But that was different," he defended himself.

"No, I am quite positive you made the same noise. It is when the air flow creates a discontinuous deep grumble at the back of the throat and then escapes through the nasal cavity with a soft hiss."

Eli just straight up stared at Thrawn for a good minute. Seriously?

.

.

"Ensign Vanto?" Thrawn asked, "you wanted to talk about something."

"Ehm. Yes. I'm sorry." Eli collected himself.

"The thing is… they found it funny that you said hello."

"What is so funny about that?"

"Well there was no one in that hallway. Why did you say hello?"

"There was MSE-6 series repair droid. Did you not notice it?"

Eli's expression told Thrawn that no. He said hello to a mouse droid?

"Interesting." Thrawn sat down and crossed his arms.

Eli took a deep breath. "Sir, we don't do that. The droids are just machines, especially this one. It is only programmed for one thing, it can't even comprehend speech except for encrypted technical data in the main circuit."

Thrawn replied with a slight smile.

"Perhaps its invisibility could be used for strategic purposes."

"Strategic purposes, sir?" Eli didn't understand.

"They pass unnoticed. Everyone is so used to them and takes for granted that they only have limited functions." Thrawn explained and then fell silent.

Eli saw his eyes narrowed and slowly moved across the room, but he was sure Thrawn was so absorbed by his ideas about small repair droids he probably forgot Eli was still in the room.

The man waited politely for few minutes and used the time to examine the art which was displayed in the office.

"What I wanted to say, sir, is…" Eli started, but waited until he was sure Thrawn was paying attention to him.

"… that you probably shouldn't talk to droids, only the protocol droids and basically only if you need something from them."

"I suppose ignoring droids, which are essential to proper function of the Empire, is considered a 'normal behaviour'?"

"That is correct, sir." Eli confirmed, proud that he detected a hint of sarcasm in Thrawn's statement.

"Well, I will then pretend not to see any droids." Thrawn decided. "But I advise cautiousness. This ignorance might once prove disastrous."

"I don't really understand what you mean."

"They could be easily controlled and used for example to deliver messages or carry explosives." Thrawn explained.

"That would be clever." Eli admitted. "But fairly difficult. The person would have to get to the programming centre and spend some time rewriting the code, which could take long enough to be noticed by someone."

"Quite the opposite. If you had a droid, preferably R-series unit, you could prepare the code in advance and then plug in any terminal on board."

"That sounds too easy. I'm sure there is something preventing from this kind of attack." Eli opposed.

"I will look into it." Thrawn promised.

…

When Eli walked back to the bridge, he carefully observed all droids that were seemingly chaotically moving through the hallways. The Empire overthrown by mouse droids. Perfect, now I'm paranoid. Thanks, Thrawn.