Just something that came into my mind a while ago.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Mortal Instruments.

Chapter 1

I walked down the hallways until I reached Jaces room.
I came over more often since he learned how to control the heavenly fire.

I knew that he loved me but was it enough?

I knocked at the door.

„Come in" Jace said and I walked in.

He was laying on the bed doing nothing. He smiled as he saw me walking in but didn't move.
„Hey" I said softly and said on the edge of the bed. I didn't look him in the eyes. I couldn't. If he knew what I've been doing the last months...

He grabbed my arm.

„Clary?" he asked. I felt my sweatshirt chafing the scars on my arm.

„Are you alright, my love?" he eyed me worriedly.

„Of course!" I replied and tried to smile. If he knew what I've been doing he would leave me, for sure.

I finally looked at him. He was uncertain. He knew that I was lying. But I couldn't tell him.

You have to know one thing about me before I start telling my story: Those scars weren't from a stele. No, they were self-inflicted.

I had to make him think about something else, so I climbed on his lap and kissed him.

Maybe you think that I was stupid because I was hurting myself. You may think I had a good life with a pretty boy by my side telling me how beautiful I was every single day.

But believe me: It's not what it seemed like.

Jace pushed me down on the bed, never breaking the kiss we shared. His hands were everywhere. I had to stop him soon. So I broke the kiss.

„Jace, stop" I said. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was disappointed.

„Why?" he asked, suddenly sitting up.

„What do you mean?" I asked and sat up too. I knew exactly what he meant. I was wondering when he would finally asked me. Since I started cutting I stopped him every time we were kissing. We hardly ever made out anymore. He was going to leave me soon.

I was certain.

„Is it because of me? Am I doing something wrong?" he almost shouted at me.
„Jace.." I whispered. He never raised his voice at me. He looked furious. I was scared.

„Just tell me!" he grabbed my shoulders, shaking me. I looked at him with wide eyes. „Jace, stop... you.. you're hurting me" I stuttered, afraid to say something that would anger him even more. His hands were heating up. He was going to burn me, but I couldn't care less. I deserved it anyway.

I felt tears sting in my eyes. I deserved this because of all the pain I caused him and everyone else.

He suddenly stopped, still holding my shoulders in an iron grip. I looked into his eyes as he let go of them completely.

I was shaking. His eyes were wide with the realisation what he had done.

„Clary..." he started and raised his hand but placed it next to him again as I flinched away.

There was a huge silence between us. I felt tears running down my cheek and Jaces gaze on me, afraid to scare me again if he touched me.

I deserved this.

Should I continue with this? Tell me what you think and maybe leave some ideas how to continue! :)