Chapter One
The Bitch Factor
A beautiful woman with curly honey-colored hair was glaring up at Batman and his back-ups (Superman and Cyborg), her arms folded over her chest and her body language and facial expressions showing immense annoyance. "Good God in heaven, Spandex Man, there are just so very many ways for me to say this to you: Never; not in a million years; absolutely not; no way, Jose; no chance, Lance; niet; negatory; mm-mm; nuh-uh; and of course my own personal favorite of all time, man falling off of a cliff — Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!…"
"Are you done?" Batman asked, only to receive a raised hand from the woman, indicating that she wasn't done until she ended her rant with a soft "pff!" to animate that she was done.
"I may not be expressing it at the moment but I am flattered that the Justice League has graced me personally with their presence in trying to procure a doctor for their super secret special, members only, clubhouse, but I've already got a job, with sick people, and a life to sabotage."
"I told you this was a bad idea." Superman said, "You said so yourself that Dr. Hansen will be hard to persuade."
"You'd be doing us a huge favor by even being a part-time doctor for the League." Cyborg said, "Especially for members who are injured on missions and can't risk going to an actual hospital without exposing their identities."
"You do realize that if I accept this job their identities will be exposed to me and a team of medical staff, right? Keeping your secret identities secret with medical personnel is, by all purposes, meaningless." said Dr. Hansen.
"We've hand-selected a team of medical personnel to be entrusted with certain information about League members." Batman said, "And you'll be the one to enforce all the rules."
"So basically you just want a babysitter." she said, "Listen, I know why you're here and why you're asking for my help. But alien anatomy and biology was my dad's thing, I'm more for rooting for the home team, y'know, humans. I would be lying if I said I'm honored by your consideration and would love to join your exclusive club with a lanyard and all, but I'm not…In fact, it's taking a lot of will power to not projectile vomit all over the place."
"We'll pay you triple the amount the hospital is paying you." Batman said.
(3 years later)
Dr. Sylvia Hansen lead a group of new hopeful doctors into the main hall of the Hall of Justice's medical ward. "Here's the tour: This is where the patients enter, upstairs is where they go to die, and down in the basement is where we slide their cold, dead bodies into the wall. Oh, and that's the gift shop."
They all looked to the left where a small shop was situated with a young woman standing at the cashier counter.
"All right, assassins, any questions? Any at all? Because after this moment if any single one of you builds up the nerve to ask me a mundane question that can easily be answered with a magic eight ball, so help me, God, I will strangle you with an IV cord."
A red-haired young man raised his hand tentatively.
"Yes, nervous-guy, what is your question?" Sylvia asked, looking squarely at the brave soul who was already on her list to torture.
"Will we see actual members of the League go through here?" he asked.
Sylvia had to take in a breath and let it out through her nose. Not even two hours into her shift and already she could feel her blood pressure rising. "Let me make this very clear. You six doctors were chosen by the luck of the draw to work in the Hall of Justice's newly refurbished medical ward, now with a built-in espresso machine in the employee lounge. And like many doctors, you have all taken an oath of healing the sick and injured—that same rule applies here, like any other hospital but here's the catch— should you breach protocol of trust by revealing anybody's identity outside these walls, not only will the League hunt you down and silence you by erasing your memory-yes, they have a way of actually erasing your memory- I will also hear about such a breach of trust. And trust me, you should pray that I will never find out who betrayed this oath because I am not merciful like the others."
A silence fell over the six new doctors who stared with pale faces at the woman who looked so harmless and gentle at first but clearly was hiding horns and talons.
"Any other questions?" she asked, getting silence. She smiled warmly. "Good. Dr. Sullivan over there will be your attending. He will be the one to divide the work up evenly amongst you all and by the end of the day you will each chart your progress reports and put them in my box for me to look over at a later date."
At that, Sylvia turned on her heels and walked out of the ward, down the hallway, passing by a few staff members towards a double-steeled door that requires a key card and retinal scan to access. Swiping her card and letting the scanner partially blind her right eye, Sylvia was granted access into the room beyond where a zeta tube was situated to take her up to the Watch Tower that orbited the earth. Up there was where her main base of operations was, and her crew of—in her opinion—somewhat competent crew of medical staff who attended to the medical needs of the powerhouse members of the League.
Three years since the Justice League recruited her as the lead medical doctor for them, Sylvia had made a dramatic change and advancement for the care of the League members' overall health. Despite her sharp tongue and lack of bedside manners, the League members have grown accustomed and, in a way, grateful for her brutal honesty. On top of that, Sylvia wasn't afraid to speak her mind and oppose the League on their moral ethics.
Walking with purpose towards the medical ward of the tower, Sylvia was in no mood in humoring her medical staff or even the League members as she called her team in for another morning of a verbal smack-down. It had been a long week that began with a crisis in space of an invading fleet of aliens that left many League members injured and incapacitated, leaving only a few medical beds and hardly any space.
"Gather around, people! Since I'm not in the mood to make some big, dramatic, sweeping statement, I'll just tell you this: God hates doctors, He truly does. You see all these people in here? Well, any of 'em would give just about anything to be able to sashay out of this existence, but most of 'em are gonna stay and they're gonna live forever and ever and ever. And your Mr. Lantern, well, it turns out he's just young enough to die."
Hal Jordan, a.k.a. the Green Lantern, was sitting up in one of the hospital beds and couldn't help but look surprised to hear that, since all he had was a broken leg and clavicle.
"All right, then, before we jump into rounds, I see it's time for my annual cologne intervention. William, you're killing us. And, honestly, what's the point? D'you understand that no matter how badly you wanna get freaky with Karen, here, that's just not going to happen, and here's why: She thinks you have the body of a fetus."
William and Nurse Karren both took an awkward step away from each other.
"Oh, Karen, did you tell me that in confidence?"
"Dr. Hansen, they're waiting for you in the meeting room." said a nurse.
Sylvia sighed, "Of course they are. What pointless concerns do those giant, spandex-wearing babies have to complain about this time?" She turned to look at all the hospital beds that were occupied with injured League members. "Work on getting as many of these heroes out of the beds by the end of the day. A week has been long enough for a few hang nails to heal." Sylvia said before turning on her heels again and walking out to sit in on another meeting with the Founders of the League.
Since joining the League as the lead medical professional, Sylvia had watched as the number of members grew from six to a dozen, to triple digits. Not to mention the number of junior League members (the sidekicks) and then the "normal" employees who helped with maintenance and other such mundane technical things to keep the Tower and headquarters up and functional. And with the insistence of building a teaching medical and engineering institute next to League Headquarters, opening up a newer understanding of alien technology and biology.
Walking up to the elevator that would then take her up to the floor where the conference room was, unfortunately, stood Captain Marvel (aka Man-child). Sylvia had a great dislike for being in the room with the League members, mostly because whenever she was needed it was always to indulge their need for knowing if a hero was fit for battle or for the League. Or the other reason was to speak privately about any breeches in protocol of someone leaking classified intelligence and they needed Sylvia's forked tongue to break the person in question down.
Sylvia could only hope that it was the later because she was in a sour mood and needed some release of the frustration that had been building up inside, and her morning of verbal abuse was not yet enough.
"Good morning, Dr. Hansen!" greeted Captain Marvel.
Sylvia had to repress the urge to groan as the elevator door slid open and the two of them stepped inside together. Sylvia took the liberty of pressing the number of the floor she needed to be at.
"You know what really sucks?" Captain Marvel asked.
"Being trapped in an elevator with you while you whine about your stupid life?" Sylvia asked, already feeling her reins slipping from her grasp.
"Um, never mind." he said sheepishly, knowing that today was yet again, another day of a prickly shoulder. Granted when he first met Sylvia he had thought she so cool for talking back to the other League members and putting them all in their place, but now he could see that it was a daily exercise of not letting words hurt.
As the elevator stopped on the designated floor and the doors slid open, Sylvia walked out with Captain Marvel right behind her. As they approached the double doors together Sylvia instantly fixed a glare at one of her interns who had been waiting outside the door for her.
"What in all that is good and decent are you doing here?" Sylvia asked as she walked up to her intern and assumed the pose of intimidation with her lab coat pushed back as her hands planted themselves on her hips.
"You didn't answer your pager and I was wondering what dose of Tylenol to give to the patient because I was worried that it might exacerbate his condition." the intern said, already beginning to shrink away as the Flash and Wonder Woman came walking down the hall.
"It's regular-strength Tylenol! Here's what'cha do: Get him to open his mouth, take a handful, and throw it at him. Whatever sticks, that's the correct dosage." As the intern scurried away to return to the medical ward, Slyvia looked at the small audience who were just so lucky to stand witness.
"Good morning, Sunshine." said Flash.
Sylvia just rolled her eyes and entered the conference room, taking her usual seat that was between Wonder Woman's and the Flash's seats. Before when the League was still new, Sylvia's seat was at the very end, but because she wasn't a hero and had no powers, she was an easy target, thus her seat had since then been moved to where she was safe.
"Y'know, you could try to be a little bit nicer to the interns." the Flash said as he took his seat. "Isn't being a doctor all about being compassionate towards others?"
Sylvia turned to look at him. "When you rolled out of bed this morning, did you actually say to yourself: 'Heeeeey, I think today would be a terrific day to commit hari-kiri'? Because you realize that's what you're doing."
"I just don't think that you deal with them in a way emotionally healthy people do." he said.
"Well, hold on a second there, rainbow, this just off the newswire: you're not licensed to comment on how people deal with their emotions of any kind."
He shrugged, "I beg to differ."
"Well at least I let mine go, you…if you ever were able to actually release all the tensions that are bottled up inside of you, how would that go, Berry?"
"Have you met me?" he countered.
"Let's get started," said Superman, "We're still down thirty League members who are still recovering from the failed alien invasion. Most of whom have been moved to the hospital at the Hall of Justice. Unfortunately during the chaos we've also lost some good people."
"Not to mention the file breech on League members." Cyborg said, "I've managed to lock onto the terminal that had been hacked into and tracked down the last five people who had access to that specific terminal. I've called those five to see us one at a time, so they should be here shortly, in the meantime—"
Cyborg was interrupted when Sylvia's pager went off and all eyes went to her.
"Really? We're in a meeting, Syl." said the Flash.
"Yeah, unlike the rest of you, I've got a full hospital of whiney little interns and idiot doctors who will more than likely kill at least three patients by lunch time—one of which is a League Founder. So excuse me for doing my job." Sylvia said when she checked here pager message.
"Great, would anyone like to switch seats with me? She's got that scary look in her eyes again."
"Please, carry on without me while I rip a new one into my worthless interns." Sylvia said as she stood up and briskly walked towards the exit.
"Uh oh…" Captain Marvel said under his breath, feeling sorry for whoever will face the doctor's wrath. "Tell me again why she's here?"
"Because I'm the only one who puts up with all of your bull shit with a straight face." Sylvia said over her shoulder before leaving.
Sylvia locked her office door, ready to leave for home when she barely took two steps and was stopped by Superman.
"No." she said instantly and began to walk again.
"You didn't hear what I have to say yet." he said as he fell in-step with her.
"Obviously because whatever it is will end up with me staying here longer and I really want to go home and pour myself a glass of wine, maybe something stronger."
"I heard that you are thinking about accepting a job at a hospital in Seattle as Chief of Medicine. I realize that the League has put a lot of stress on you for working alongside us, and I know that this tough persona you put on is all an act, but let me be the first to say that none of this—This hospital, the medical staff, the engineering department—Everything that's been achieved is all in thanks to you."
Sylvia stopped walking and took a long, heavy sigh. "Damnit…"
Superman put a hand on her shoulder and smiled. "I'll be the first to admit that it was hard to get along with you, heck, the only one of us who even remotely got along with you was Batman. You're pretty much the only one here who can keep things honest and we all rely on that. So I hope you'll reconsider leaving the League."
"Oh! Dr. Hansen, I'm glad I caught you on your way out." said a female doctor as she approached them with a clipboard in her hands. "Will you sign off on this?"
Superman had the sense to take a side-step while Sylvia crossed her arms over her chest. "That depends, what am I signing?"
"Well earlier I had instructed an intern to take Mr. Blair's blood culture to the lab but it turns out that the intern forgot to even take the culture…" she was cut off by Sylvia who raised a silencing finger.
"Listen closely tiny dancer, I wouldn't be flapping my mouth if I'd forgotten to get a blood culture on Mr. Blair, and for the love of God, do you at least remember what you were doing the day they were passing out common sense? Oh gosh, maybe you were running late that day 'cause you just couldn't find the right thong for those low-rider jeans that you love so much, or maybe you were busy bopping along to whatever boy-band really makes your heart race nowadays and you just drove on by. Of course I don't know, I'm guessing. But one thing's for damn sure—you wound up at the dum-dum store and just went ahead and put as much of that in the car as you could fit, didn't ya?"
"I…uh…"
"You, my precious little gum drop, are a doctor. So if your interns aren't doing their jobs then it's you I'll be coming after." She took the sheet of paper off the clip board and ripped it in half. "Go get that blood culture yourself and send it down to the lab and pass this message along to everyone you pass by: Dr. Hansen, is pissed."
The doctor cowed away before turning and walking as fast as she could without running. Sylvia turned around to face Superman with a satisfied smiled. "That was glorious. She's been getting on my nerves all week and I've just been waiting for her to screw up so badly that I would just explode all over her face."
"You definitely run this place with an iron fist."
"Which is why I was offered the job in Seattle, but I'm not leaving. How can I when every time I leave this hell hole a patient dies or worse—one of these idiots takes a selfie with an unmasked League member and stupidly posts their identities on that privacy assassinator called social media." she said, patting Superman's arm. "See ya tomorrow, don't burn yourself with the smores you and the other scouts are gonna make around the camp fire."
AN: I'm gonna try my hand at a JL fic, but a more behind the action sort of thing with my OC being a sharp-tongued bitch who takes joy in shaming people by shining a bright light on their insecurities. Thanks for reading. Please review.